Well, I'll get right down to it. We met in college and fell very hard and very fast for one another. That's right, LOVE! I broke it off after about 5 months, while things were going great, because I was dumb and looking for something better. She kept herself in the picture being a "friend", but we would also be intimate with one another. I didn't treat her with the resepect she deserved and would do things like not call for 3 days, etc. I then got another opportunity to make things work after begging and pleading (while she had dated another guy) for a month or so. I wanted her, but was I jealous? Not sure. I ended up going to Basic Military Training and she came down for graduation, etc. We then lived together for a few months and she really made an effort to "make it work." Then I decided after I got back from Tech School that I needed to "get away" again. I lived with my father who lived closer to where I went to school after my parents were going through a horrible divorce and she still kept herself in the picture. Got me gifts on my birthday and so forth, but again we got into a physical relationship and the occasional dinner and a movie, etc. We tried to make it work another time in the not too distant past, but I ultimately decided I was trying to better myself as a man and needed to be alone for that. I got an apartment and everything and she was still responsive to me at that point. We weren't together or "dating" persay, we weren't necessarily exclusive either. We just had history and would keep around one another. Anyway, she ended up going to this party and making fun of a guy, he asks his friend to ask his girlfriend if he could get her number. He does and from there he begins to pursue her. I find this out and I'm "SUDDENLY" back in the picture trying to make myself be known. "I wanna be with your, you're the only one for me, I'll dedicate my life to you... just give me a chance." Basically trying to win her over again, but it most certainly didn't work. We've talked about things and she's told me that she's not sure what's going on... whether she's trying to get over me? found someone that she genuinely likes? is dating him to keep her mind off me? or what. She did tell me it was the first time she's doubted if I was the one she would end up with, and obviously I am EXTREMELY distraught over the situation. I do believe she's the one and that she needs space and time and everything, but I know her birthday is coming up and it hasn't even been a week that we've stopped communicating. I want to get her back, but I don't want to pressure to the point that I lose her for good. Have I already lost her? I'm sooo confused right now, I just need some help... guidance, please all you veterans of experience out there lend me your words, thoughts and experiences...

My Deepest Thanks,
"Sweet, Sweet Lover" :confused:

Hold I need some explanation. So you broke it off with her and kept her in your pocket while you looked for someone better. She decided to move on with someone else and only when she was not in your pocket you want her back.

Not wanting to sound like an a$$ but is that correct?

You have had a bunch of chances to show her how you felt and you blew them, so now your sheets to the wind chasing her away. Why should she believe you now?

Its in your interest to get your own act together, and leave her, and her life alone. Simply put, to little, to late. Now you can continue to be distraught, and very unattractive at this point, or you can grow up some, and be ready for the next time.

Leave her be. She is not trying to get over you nor does she still like you. She has moved on from playing your game. Follow suit. I bet if she came running into your arms (she wont) you wouldn't be so sure she was the one.

She got tired of the roller coaster that you kept her on, can you blame her? I would have been gone the first time you said "it's over" You can't have your cake and eat it to, get over yourself!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Cmo9000000

Have I already lost her?

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If she has followed good advice, then yes. Because the advice we'd be giving her if she was on this board would be to completely move on.

Sorry to be harsh but you played with her head and heart and it was best for her to move on.

I appreciate all the input, although it may be a little harsh or perhaps that's just reality setting in... lol. Well, I will DEFINITELY take everything that you ladies and gentlemen have said into serious consideration. Ultimately, I HAVE to listen to myself on this matter... and although you may believe that I am a selfish, inconsiderate and immature boy... I PROMISED myself I would actually commit to something, even if it's trying to have her while she walks out of my life.

"A true MAN cannot make promises he cannot keep... this is not simply because he is obligated to fulfill these statements, but because his character is the essence of what follows..."

Thanks again for all the consideration,
"Sweet, Sweet Lover"

Also, I know you guys don't owe it to me or anything, but I would like if you'd follow this "saga", if you will, as it unfolds. I really respect your honest to goodness opinions...

"Sweet, Sweet Lover"

The advice given is meant to help you but you have your mind set on going after a lost cause. I wish you the best in your quest but you have lost her to be honest.

Now she is forbidden fruit you want her but now you can't have her. Not to sound crude but you had your chance and threw it out the window man.

Move on and find someone else instead of attempting to mess with her head.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Cmo9000000

Well, I'll get right down to it. We met in college and fell very hard and very fast for one another. That's right, LOVE! I broke it off after about 5 months, while things were going great, because I was dumb and looking for something better. She kept herself in the picture being a "friend", but we would also be intimate with one another. I didn't treat her with the resepect she deserved and would do things like not call for 3 days, etc. I then got another opportunity to make things work after begging and pleading (while she had dated another guy) for a month or so. I wanted her, but was I jealous? Not sure. I ended up going to Basic Military Training and she came down for graduation, etc. We then lived together for a few months and she really made an effort to "make it work." Then I decided after I got back from Tech School that I needed to "get away" again. I lived with my father who lived closer to where I went to school after my parents were going through a horrible divorce and she still kept herself in the picture. Got me gifts on my birthday and so forth, but again we got into a physical relationship and the occassional dinner and a movie, etc. We tried to make it work another time in the not too distant past, but I ultimately decided I was trying to better myself as a man and needed to be alone for that. I got an apartment and everything and she was still responsive to me at that point. We weren't together or "dating" persay, we weren't necessarily exclusive either. We just had history and would keep around one another. Anyway, she ended up going to this party and making fun of a guy, he asks his friend to ask his girlfriend if he could get her number. He does and from there he begins to persue her. I find this out and I'm "SUDDENLY" back in the picture trying to make myself be known. "I wanna be with your, you're the only one for me, I'll dedicate my life to you... just give me a chance." Basically trying to win her over again, but it most certainly didn't work. We've talked about things and she's told me that she's not sure what's going on... whether she's trying to get over me?, found someone that she genuinely likes?, is dating him to keep her mind off me?, or what. She did tell me it was the first time she's doubted if I was the one she would end up with, and obviously I am EXTREMELY distraught over the situation. I do believe she's the one and that she needs space and time and everything, but I know her birthday is coming up and it hasn't even been a week that we've stopped communicating. I want to get her back, but I don't want to pressure to the point that I lose her for good. Have I already lost her? I'm sooo confused right now, I just need some help... guidance, please all you veterans of experience out there lend me your words, thoughts and experiences....

My Deepest Thanks,
"Sweet, Sweet Lover" :confused:

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Hi Cmo

Please read my recent previous posts. I know exactly how you feel. Your not sure if she is the one for you. When she is emotional interested in you, you don't really want her. But when she is emotional interested in someone else you want her. Eh! Surly if she was the one then you would want her fully, there would be no doubt ! That makes sense, surly ! (Same for her and you ?)

Rubbish ! Imature rubbish !

Take it from one who has been there and lost the one that feels like the love of his life.

We (men as well as women) are scared to commit to the one person ! Not because we still want to sow our wild oats, but because we are not sure if this person is the one!!

Lets think about that ! The one a woman (or man) who is emotional interested in you as much as you are with her. A woman with compatible views on life and love as you.

But how do you find the one, if there are millions out there??

Yes there are millions out there and they all have the same bodies, sex is the same does not matter which one. So the only difference is the strengh of the emoational interest and connection each of you has. But there will a lot of women who can provide this emotional interest in you - and a lot of women you can provide this emotional interest in them... Therefore there is no "The One"

It is more in truth to say this person and I have a strong emotional connection at this present time ! Now the decision to be with this one is to look at this connection, how it makes you feel. If this connection is making you happy - then she is the one at this peroid of time, she may not always be the one and you may not always be the one.

So if her emotional interest in you makes you happy and the loss of her emotional interest in you makes you sad then she is the one right now !

(There is no such thing as Mrs Right, just Mrs Right, Right Now!).

The commitment only lasts as long as the positive emotional interests exists ! 1hour, 1 year, 50 years... Its not the time you need to consider, its not the girl you need to consider it's the feeling of the connection you need to consider.

That's Maturity ! (Take it from one who has learnt the hard way)...

Good luck, I hope I make sense to you.

Clichés were written to apply to situations like yours. Here's the only one that means anything:

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was."

After you TRULY let her go and she manages to come back to you somehow, stop thinking of her as something you have to approve of. Spend the next 60 years proving to HER that YOU'RE the one.

If finding "the one" is your focus... fine, but flip it around. YOU be the one. So far you have not been.