Ask Me Help Desk - What to do?

Okay... where do I start... ive been talking to this girl for like 3 months now... apparently we are in a relationship.. she is innocent funny beautiful smart... and the truth is I love her with all my heart but the problem is she is too sensitive and insecure and because of that I'm not really happy with her... ive done maybe two or three things in the past.. that hurt her... such as telling her I wanted to break up... and it was all because I was really stressed out with her... and after that I didn't talk to her for a week... but the truth is I love her.. so I went back to her and apologized.. all I want to know is does she love me back?. I mean she says she doesn't yet or she can't say she does until she is sure... yet all things she does points that she does love me... she always asks me 'do you love me?' or 'do you miss me?' or 'do you promise you would never look at any other girl?' or when I generalize with her telling her for instance 'u r the same like all girls' her response would be... dont compare me to other girls.. I want the only girl to be me and only me... such as she talks about the future when we get married.. she gets really jealous... she always claims that I would take advantage of her feelings... and always doubts me and claims that I hurt her and that I'm mean to her sometimes... the truth is I'm not... imagine we have been dating for 3 months and only once did she tell me 'i miss you' and that was like 4 dayz ago... she has travelled now and before she travelled she said she wanted me to really think if I wanted her or wanted the relation.. the truth is she is too emotionally closed... and when we are together... she talks and talks and talks... she always has sthn to talk about when she is with me... she says she wants to get closer to me but that every time I do sthn that makes her think I'm going to take advantage of her feelings... we go out almost everyday... and trust me she is the type that's reeeaaallly hard to get.. so that's sthn with this girl... to agree going out with a guy everyday... and when we fight she says I'm fighting with her because I want an excuse to leave her... bascially she is insecure and too sensitive.. and I think what I did to her in the past hurt her... like the 'break up' thingy and I lied to her but nthn too serious... anyway all I want to know is does she love me?. and why doesn't she say it if she does? And how do I go about handling her? I've been in many relations before.. I have never known a girl like this... appreciate any answers.. it would be helpful

She sounds like she has major insecurity problems. In my own opinion, you should have to deal with that . I'm a girl and no offense, but even to girls she sounds like a whinny drama queen, but you love her so that's all that matters. When a woman says do you love me or miss me or anything like that it's just because they want someone to remind them of how pretty they are and get other's to notice too... a self esteem boost... I'm not saying that she doesn't love you back, but by what you wrote it seems like she's just playing with you. I wish you all the luck in the world, but just keep in mind that you can't change people, they are the only ones that can change themselves.

Put the kids to bed, turn on the lights, take the phones off the hook, and grab a sandwich, somebody's going to get Chuffed

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

ive been talkin to this girl for like 3 months now...apparently we are in a relationship..she is innocent funny beautiful smart...and the truth is i love her with all my heart

You do not love her with all your heart after 3 months.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

but the problem is she is too sensitive and insecure and because of that im not really happy with her...ive done maybe two or three things in the past..that hurt her...such as telling her i wanted to break up...and it was all because i was really stressed out with her...and after that i didnt talk to her for a week...but the truth is i love her..so i went back to her and apologized..all i want to know is does she love me back?...

Mistake number one. You have this backwards. As the man you are to lead the relationship and as the woman she needs to come to you emotionally and lead with the emotional stuff. You can’t beg her for her love. She has to feel it, and it’s your job to make her comfortable, and begging for love is not comfortable.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

i mean she says she doesnt yet or she can't say she does until she is sure...

So shut up and don’t bring it up.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

yet all things she does points that she does love me...she always asks me 'do u love me?'

Correct answers from this point forward.
1. I love you as much as you love me.
2. Are you worthly of my love?

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

or 'do u miss me?'

Correct answers from this point forward.
1. Were you gone?
2. What have you done for me to miss you?

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

or 'do u promise u would never look at any other girl?'

Correct answers from this point forward.
1. I promise I won’t look at another girl if you promise not to look at another girl.
2. No, half the population is girls, so I’m going to see them every day.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

or when i generalize with her telling her for instance 'u r the same like all girls' her response would be...dont compare me to other girls..i want the only girl to be me and only me...

First, why would you tell her she’s like all the other girls? That makes you sound insecure. You should be asking her…as in not telling her but asking her what makes you different from the other girls. That puts her on in a position to answer to you, not the other way around as you would have it.

Second, I agree with her, don’t compare her to other girls. You either like her or you don’t. Other girls are not a part of your relationship so leave them out.

Third, when she says she wants the only girl to be me and only me, along with the other stuff she tells you, she’s trying….and succeeding at seeing how she can control you emotionally. She is getting you to fall in line with her and let her lead the relationship.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

such as she talks about the future when we get married..

She won’t tell you that she loves you, but she wants to get married….. all after 90 days. Control, she’s got and you don’t even see it.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

she gets really jealous...

Emotional control mechanism. She’s using and you don’t even see it.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

she always claims that i would take advantage of her feelings...and always doubts me and claims that i hurt her and that im mean to her sometimes...the truth is im not...

Am I the only one who sees a pattern here.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

imagine we have been dating for 3 months and only once did she tell me 'i miss you' and that was like 4 dayz ago...

So what. She’s the woman in this relationship so act like the man and quit worrying about all this emotional nonsense.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

she has travelled now and b4 she travelled she said she wanted me to really think if i wanted her or wanted the relation..the truth is she is too emotionally closed...

Wrong! She is a master and you are a novice at this game. She tells you exactly what she can get away with and keep you hanging wanting more. Your job as a man is not to keep hanging but to keep her interested. She’s not interested in you, she’s interested in how she can play her game and keep you wrapped around her finger. She is not emotionally closed, she just uses the very least she has to to keep you around. She’s on offense and you are on defense.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

and when we are together...she talks and talks and talks...

She’s a woman, that’s what they do.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

she always has sthn to talk about when she is with me...she says she wants to get closer to me but that everytime i do sthn that makes her think im gonna take advantage of her feelings...

For the love of God. Can’t you see this, she’s talks about her feelings and controls yours.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

we go out almost everyday...

Well quit doing that. Start going out once a week. When you go out everyday you’re a friend, when you go out less then that you might be an romantic interest.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

and trust me she is the type thats reeeaaallly hard to get..

I’ll bet, to bad you don’t have her. You have a girl that is toying with a boy, while looking for a man.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

so thats sthn with this girl...to agree going out with a
guy everyday...

That’s control over a guy. That’s nothing. Your way too available, which means you never give her a chance to miss you.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

and when we fight she says im fighting with her because i want an excuse to leave her...

So she wants to end the argument and shut you up emotionally at the same time.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

bascially she is insecure and too sensitive..and i think what i did to her in the past hurt her...like the 'break up' thingy and i lied to her but nthn too serious...anyway all i want to know is does she love me?...

No.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

and why doesnt she say it if she does?

Well, she doesn’t so why say it.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

and how do i go about handling her?

See above. Put her on the defensive, quite being so emotional, and get away from her for a day.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

ive been in many relations b4..i have never known a girl like this...

After 90 days?

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

appreciate any answers..it would be helpful

I hope so, this took forever.

What a chuffing :D long one. But I agree.

Sounds like she is not the only one w/ insecurity probs.

Geez dude you say you love this girl with all your heart, after 90 days no less, but that's not what your actions say. Your finding out things about her that confuse, and annoy you, which is normal, given the short time you have known each other.

Your posts sounds like two strangers that do not communicate well, nor really cares for the other, or doesn't know how, and are in this going through the motions trying make it look good, but there is no foundation for caring, sharing, or growing together.

Neither of you pays attention to the other, nor can move beyond your own feelings and needs.

You both have personal issues you need to deal with, and until you can talk honestly together, and air your issues, and see if you can work on them, this ain't going to work.

I think your both just happy to have someone, but you also have to be willing to do the work it takes to have a happy fun relationship.

Start being honest with each other, see where it leads.

Great news everybody. I get to do another Chuffing. Seems someone did not like my previous Chuffing and lacked what men call balls to respond here and sent me an email filled with interesting remarks. First, here's the email...

This is a message from knockoutking at Ask Me Help Desk ( https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/ ). The Ask Me Help Desk owners cannot accept any responsibility for the contents of the email.

To email knockoutking, you can use this online form:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/sendme...ember&u=412501

OR, by email:
Mailto: ([email protected])

This is the message:

Hey 'chuff'... whatever the that means... I got three words to tell you 'go yourself'... u don't know... and I think you have a girl in your life that did the exact things you claim my girls is doing... and now you have issues from it.. and who the do you think you are talking to me in this way motherer? I would appreciated your opinion if you hadn't been so rude and let me tell you sthn 'computer tough guy' wooow... u don't know me or about me... and not that its any of your in business... but believe me... im the boss in this relationship... she never does things that she knows would piss me off because of fear of my reaction... and there are many things I left unsaid.. so before you talking bull that come out of your mouth... either understand the full situation and be polite when talking to people... or just don't say anythn at all

Now if you enjoyed that laugh, here's my response. Take your false teeth out, close the windows, grab a diet coke and hold on, because we are going to knock it out for the knock out king

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

hey 'chuff'...whatever the that means...

Well that is actually a nickname. My last name is Chuffington and people have called my “Chuff” or “Chuffster” for years. You know, I'm not sure if I ever did explain that here on the board so thank you for asking.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

i got three words to tell you 'go yourself'

I think one of those words got deleted so let's not get down on Mr. King for not being able to count. However I bet that was an F bomb that got tossed my way…….in an email no less….. and I have to say, I'm impressed. I cared enough about a guy struggling and he cared enough not to reply in the forum where others could see him but instead email me personally. Quality.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

...u dont know ...and i think u have a girl in ure life that did the exact things u claim my girls is doing...

Well not at the moment, but I have had not one, but several do the same things your girl is doing. Unlike you though, I didn't have anybody to turn to so I kept making the same mistakes over and over and hoping things would change. Funny that never happened. I wish I had someone to point out to me what was going on when it was going on, I would have saved myself so much pain over the years. That is the service I offer to those that choose to accept it. You can save yourself from some pain and move forward in a way that attracts women instead of making you look like a b*tch with no balls that gets used time and again. The only real thing one who reads my advice has to do is be open to admitting they are wrong. Some do so by using the disagree box. Some do so by posting a response. And some do it by emailing me personally in an attempt to hide their own stupidity and prove they lack a pair from the others on the board.

Congratulations, you are the last one. But unlike you, I'm willing to share your ignorance for the masses.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

and now u have issues from it..

Yeah, I'm smarter and know what to do, how to act, how to treat a woman, what not to do, and don't act like a freaking puppy following her around going “do you love me………how about now……….. how about now…….how about now………….how about now” and “tell me you miss me …. Please ….. please….. please ……please…… please….. please….. please……please”

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

and who the do u think u are talking to me in this way motherer?

I think I'm Mr. Chuffington. We already covered this.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

i would appreciated ure opinion if u hadnt been so rude

I have to tell you, I do have a temper, I do sometimes say things I regret later, and I do sometimes come off the wrong way…or not how I intended. I just reread what I wrote, but I have to admit, I have no idea where I was rude.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

and lemme tell u sthn 'computer tough guy'

Tell me oh one who was to afraid to post this in the forum so he emailed my personal account.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

wooow...u dunno me or about me...

The old, “you don't know me” argument when the news doesn't fit what you want. Sorry, we see that one here all the time, and it's always the same. Okay I don't know you, but I know you are a coward who can't respond on this forum because you are too afraid of having your stupidity put back in your face so you try to intimidate me through my personal email account. Dude, if you are this much of a p*ssy with me your future wife that you've known for 90 days who you are madly in love with must be having the time of her life using you as her personal whipping boy.

Hey, when she tells you to wipe her butt how many strokes do you use.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

and not that its any of ure in business...

You posted it on a public forum of which I am a regular poster myself…….I actually think that does make it my business.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

but believe me...im the boss in this relationship...

Hold on I can't stop laughing.

Honestly, this might be the best line ever posted here. Well, it wasn't actually posted here….the boss of this relationship, Mr. Take Charge himself posted it to my personal email account instead of being laughed at by everybody. Too late.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

she never does things that she knows would piss me off because of fear of my reaction...

Well if I had a p*ssy following me around saying “PLEASE just tell me you love me just once….just….. once” I would fear that reaction too. Hell, I'm a guy and I don't want some that pathetic, I can't imagine what a woman would want out of her boy. Well she'd actually just want a man instead who isn't so insecure that he needs to be told every 2 minutes “I love you, I miss you, I need you.”

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

and there are many things i left unsaid..

You said enough to paint the picture. You aren't fooling anybody but yourself.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

so b4 u go ahead and talkin bull that come out of ure mouth

First let my compliment you on your English. Great stuff there.

Second, you posted here asking what was going on with your girl….. I didn't seek you out and to tell you what was going on.

Third, I love the man so confident in himself that he emails me personally to swear up and down and make threats about me, while claiming I was doing the same to him….. yet when I read what I wrote….. I didn't really see that.

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Originally Posted by knockoutking

...either understand the full situation and be polite when talkin to ppl...or just dont say anythn at all

Down in the south we call people like you hypocrites. What do they call them where you're from?

Well I think Mr. King has certainly showed us what kind of man he is, and it is certainly difficult to figure out why his woman……who he's known for 90 days….. and is going to marry……even though she won't even tell him she loves him……would not in any way be attracted to this kind of manly behavior. I stand corrected Mr. King, you are the man here and something must be wrong with her. There is no other explanation. I was so blind before, but now with your amazing insight I see where I was wrong and you were correct.

I look forward to receiving your next email!

Wow... offer to help someone with advice and return with that.

Hehe... okay mr chuffington.. again computer tough guy... anywayz its not your fault you misunderstood my problem.. its my fault.. and here I am telling you to go ureself... only this time right here :) :) :)

Oh and by the way... when she tells me to wipe her butt... I wouldn't do it.. but for your mother I would do it anytime because I'm sure she has a great one... computer tough guy

So did someone strike a nerve here, or what??

Your girl has issues that you can't deal with, and I suspect you make them worse. One thing you have to face, is that in only 90 days your having issues. That alone should tell you something.

Are you listening, or not, as why waste our time??

Quote:

Originally Posted by knockoutking

oh and btw...when she tells me to wipe her butt...i wouldnt do it..but for your mother i would do it anytime because im sure she has a great one...computer tough guy

Oh a mother joke. One class act you are. Unfortunately, for you my mother and your girlfriend both like men who act older then a 2 year old who talk a big fight and the whine a cry like a b*tch when a woman won't tell them she misses him every 2 minutes.

Oh and I stand corrected, In my previous post I agreed with you that I had made many mistakes with women and in fact was hoping you might learn from them. Well, I was wrong, I was never as much of a douche bag as you are. Sorry for any confusion.

Quote:

Originally Posted by knockoutking

okay...where do i start...ive been talkin to this girl for like 3 months now...apparently we are in a relationship..she is innocent funny beautiful smart...and the truth is i love her with all my heart but the problem is she is too sensitive and insecure and because of that im not really happy with her...ive done maybe two or three things in the past..that hurt her...such as telling her i wanted to break up...and it was all because i was really stressed out with her...and after that i didnt talk to her for a week...but the truth is i love her..so i went back to her and apologized..all i want to know is does she love me back?...i mean she says she doesnt yet or she can't say she does until she is sure...yet all things she does points that she does love me...she always asks me 'do u love me?' or 'do u miss me?' or 'do u promise u would never look at any other girl?' or when i generalize with her telling her for instance 'u r the same like all girls' her response would be...dont compare me to other girls..i want the only girl to be me and only me...such as she talks about the future when we get married..she gets really jealous...she always claims that i would take advantage of her feelings...and always doubts me and claims that i hurt her and that im mean to her sometimes...the truth is im not...imagine we have been dating for 3 months and only once did she tell me 'i miss you' and that was like 4 dayz ago...she has travelled now and b4 she travelled she said she wanted me to really think if i wanted her or wanted the relation..the truth is she is too emotionally closed...and when we are together...she talks and talks and talks...she always has sthn to talk about when she is with me...she says she wants to get closer to me but that everytime i do sthn that makes her think im gonna take advantage of her feelings...we go out almost everyday...and trust me she is the type thats reeeaaallly hard to get..so thats sthn with this girl...to agree going out with a guy everyday...and when we fight she says im fighting with her because i want an excuse to leave her...bascially she is insecure and too sensitive..and i think what i did to her in the past hurt her...like the 'break up' thingy and i lied to her but nthn too serious...anyway all i want to know is does she love me?...and why doesnt she say it if she does? and how do i go about handling her? ive been in many relations b4..i have never known a girl like this...appreciate any answers..it would be helpful

I'm kind of scared to post a reply, because I saw the scary message my man Chuff got but I'll give it a shot.

1. You love her with all your heart, but aren't happy with her? I'm confused with that. I love my girl and I'm completely happy with her.

2. If she says she doesn't love you, then she doesn't. Nothing you can do will change that.

3. She needs to be mature and understand you are going to look at other girls, sight is one of the 6 senses God pleased us with. She's going to look at other guys too, you can't expect her to walk around with her head down.

4. Oh so now communication in a relationship is a bad thing? So what if she talks and talks, be a nice boyfriend and listen.

5. I don't think either one of you are right for each other, you are just as insecure if not more than she is. She shouldn't have to reassure you of her feelings every second of the day. Grow a set for christsake.

6. No she does not love you, she has told you this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by knockoutking

oh and btw...when she tells me to wipe her butt...i wouldnt do it..but for your mother i would do it anytime because im sure she has a great one...computer tough guy

Stay off the internet please. Its intended for mature people only.

Oh by the way.. Chuff.. I am 3 and only ask if she misses me every 5 minutes, if your mom is interested??

Totally joking!

Ok, so... what did we figure out... what DOES "Chuff" mean?