Last month at our parenting time hearing, the judge allowed me a custody evaluation if I chose to exercise my option to have one completed. I sent my attorney an email just before I left on vacation with my question about whether ex has to complete the parenting class (required by the county) before the study could commence. I also mailed a check to deposit in my attorney's account. Upon returning from vacation, I've talked with the accounting department at my attorney's firm and have learned I need to deposit more money just to bring the account current (to zero). Since I hadn't seen the most recent statement before leaving on vacation, I just took a guess at how much I should deposit. So... I'm guessing that my attorney will not respond until I pay the account current, plus some additional.

I should receive the statement in the next day or so, at which time I'll forward additional funds. I am planning on meeting with a different attorney soon, however, so may be switching attorneys.

I feel like I've been caught in a revolving door that I can't escape. I've spent all this money on an attorney and have gained very little, if anything. At this point, I want to put everything on hold with my attorney and just wait for the final custody hearing. Hopefully, when that time comes, I will have improved my relationship with my kids so that they'll want to spend more time with me. But also, I want an attorney who is willing to defend me (since that's the corner I've been put into) rather than roll over. Between now and then, it seems that there should be very little communication needed between me and my attorney (whomever that may be.)

Okay - so all this being said, I want to know if I need my attorney to request the custody study (through the county) or can I just do that on my own, since the judge's ruling indicates I have a right to have one completed?

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Originally Posted by MomWontGiveUp

Okay - so all this being said, I want to know if I need my attorney to request the custody study (through the county) or can I just do that on my own, since the judge's ruling indicates I have a right to have one completed?

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Speaking only for NYS - I've seen reports NOT released to the parties and I've seen reports released to the parties.

I have heard Judges rule that the information concerning evaluation of the child or children would only lead to more problems between the parents; therefore, it would not be released.

I think it depends on the Court and can't imagine having an Attorney ask for a copy would make a difference if it's ordered "sealed," for lack of another word.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Speaking only for NYS - I've seen reports NOT released to the parties and I've seen reports released to the parties.

I have heard Judges rule that the information concerning evaluation of the child or children would only lead to more problems between the parents; therefore, it would not be released.

I think it depends on the Court and can't imagine having an Attorney ask for a copy would make a difference if it's ordered "sealed," for lack of another word.

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Thanks, Judy. I think I wasn't clear in my question, as the evaluation has not yet commenced. I just want to get it started, but don't know whether my attorney has to "order" it, or if I can go to Conciliation Services and get the ball rolling myself.

As I'm sure you're familiar with my situation (you've responded to every one of my posts - bless you!) I have a lot of concerns about ex that have not been brought to the attention of the court. It's been my understanding that the custody study would enable me to get that information brought forward, which is very important to me. I'm in a tough situation with this stuff because the kids feel they want to live with their dad, even though they know he is reckless. They are in the "honeymoon" stage with their father right now because of course, he is acting on his best behavior. Once the case is closed, however, I anticipate a meltdown. I could just sit back and wait for the inevitable but no one really knows how big of a meltdown it will be. And believe me - there WILL be one. I'd like to spare my kids that experience, if at all possible.

Everything my kids are going through now with their father mirrors what I went through with him when we were married. The difference is - I did not love him unconditionally; the kids do. I can't and don't want to change that. I DO want to do everything I can to provide them with the best possible environment while they are both under 18. Given all that I've been through in this case, that is looking more and more out of reach, but I can't stop trying. I'm a mom!

Anyway - I understand about not releasing the report. With a half chuckle, I can't see how things between me and ex can be much worse than they are (oh... but let us imagine "The War of the Roses")

Thanks again for all your input.

In general if you are already represented by a lawyer then that's who would make the request. They also should provide a list of people that are eligible to do it and between you and your ex decide on who that person shall be. If you were to initiate it then you would have to have a waiver in hand from your current lawyer stating as to why your not being represented in this case.

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Originally Posted by califdadof3

In general if you are already represented by a lawyer then thats who would make the request. They also should provide a list of people that are eligible to do it and between you and your ex decide on who that person shall be. If you were to initiate it then you would have to have a waiver in hand from your current lawyer stating as to why your not being represented in this case.

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Thanks for your comments, dad. However, since my earlier post, I was able to speak with the Conciliation Administrator, who confirmed that the court order has been filed so letters will be going out tomorrow to get the study moving. Since the judge already signed the Supplemental Order, which included the order for a custody study through Conciliation Services, all the Administrator needed to do was pull the order to send the letters out. I saved myself a little money by not having to ask my attorney to send a letter... to get the same thing accomplished.

Should be interesting moving forward, as ex was told by judge that Mediation was waived. However, in order to participate in the Conciliation Services Custody Study, the rules clearly state that he must attend two sessions and the county-led parenting class before the study can commence. There will be some bouncing of letters back and forth to get the judge to recant his order to waive mediation, but the Administrator assured me he must recant, since he ordered a custody study through Conciliation Services.

Throughout this entire case, ex has blatantly refused to comply with judge's orders and lie in testimony; both on the stand and in deposition (and the judge didn't seem to care!) If ex continues to be uncooperative and the judge shows no regard for this behavior, I would hope that I could hold the judge accountable for not ajudicating fairly

Thanks for your comments - really appreciate it!

Anytime I saw a Court Ordered Custody Evaluation in the offices I worked in, the attorney would call in the mother/father and go over the evaluation with them and then give them a copy of the evaluation if the client wanted a copy. Your attorney needs to request this formally to the Court that you would like this evaluation performed. As Calif pointed out, there will also be included a list of appropriate individuals to chose from as well to do this. I am not aware of any evaluation that was ever withheld from either party.

If ex does not comply with the Judge's Orders, he will be held in contempt of the court and dealt with by the Judge accordingly.

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Originally Posted by MomWontGiveUp

Thanks, Judy. I think I wasn't clear in my question, as the evaluation has not yet commenced. I just want to get it started, but don't know whether my attorney has to "order" it, or if I can go to Conciliation Services and get the ball rolling myself.

As I'm sure you're familiar with my situation (you've responded to every one of my posts - bless you!) I have a lot of concerns about ex that have not been brought to the attention of the court. It's been my understanding that the custody study would enable me to get that information brought forward, which is very important to me. I'm in a tough situation with this stuff because the kids feel they want to live with their dad, even though they know he is reckless. They are in the "honeymoon" stage with their father right now because of course, he is acting on his best behavior. Once the case is closed, however, I anticipate a meltdown. I could just sit back and wait for the inevitable but no one really knows how big of a meltdown it will be. And believe me - there WILL be one. I'd like to spare my kids that experience, if at all possible.

Everything my kids are going through now with their father mirrors what I went through with him when we were married. The difference is - I did not love him unconditionally; the kids do. I can't and don't want to change that. I DO want to do everything I can to provide them with the best possible environment while they are both under 18. Given all that I've been through in this case, that is looking more and more out of reach, but I can't stop trying. I'm a mom!

Anyway - I understand about not releasing the report. With a half chuckle, I can't see how things between me and ex can be much worse than they are (oh... but let us imagine "The War of the Roses")

Thanks again for all your input.

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Duhh - I should drink more coffee in the AM!

Others have gotten back before I did with good advice.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Duhh - I should drink more coffee in the AM!

Others have gotten back before I did with good advice.

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Heh... not to worry! I posted at 4:15 am PST so was not as clear as I could have been. Thanks again.

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Originally Posted by twinkiedooter

Anytime I saw a Court Ordered Custody Evaluation in the offices I worked in, the attorney would call in the mother/father and go over the evaluation with them and then give them a copy of the evaluation if the client wanted a copy. Your attorney needs to request this formally to the Court that you would like this evaluation performed. As Calif pointed out, there will also be included a list of appropriate individuals to chose from as well to do this. I am not aware of any evaluation that was ever withheld from either party.

If ex does not comply with the Judge's Orders, he will be held in contempt of the court and dealt with by the Judge accordingly.

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Thanks, Twinkie. This seems like one of those situations that differs from state to state and county to county. I was told by the Conciliation Administrator that it wasn't necessary to have my attorney make the request to begin the study because the judge had already signed the order. I got the ball rolling today on my own over the phone. However, when I got home today, there was a package in the mail from my attorney, with instructions to complete a card so that he could get the evaluation ordered. He also added some dialog that this study will most likely not change the outcome of who is awarded custody. I already knew this, but I'm sure he felt he needed to re-state it for the record.

As I've said before, the reason I want this study done is to get the 'evidence' I have on ex in the court records. Seems like when poop hits the fan later, it's better to have this on the record than to have the courts say "We didn't know - you didn't make it known to us."

I also found out that the judge erred in waiving the mediation because Conciliation insists on Mediation before the study commences. The judge will have to recant his waiver (and will... as it's happened before, apparently). Just more delays and attorneys fees (for the letters). Seems like my attorney has resigned to lose so I feel like there's no sense keeping him on the payroll. I don't expect a miracle at the next hearing but I do hope that I'll have regained some ground with my kids so that they'll be more willing to spend weekends with us. I also think I could have better representation next time.

The good news is that BOTH kids want to go camping this weekend with us! :) Little by little... is all I can do.