So today was an eye opener to me, trying to understand why people treat me the way they do for so long trying to find place. Read all my other posts and you will understand. The problem was doing everything wrong.

The problems I have been having aren't because I have no friends and everyone rejects me I am upset with the fact that I never get respect.

So I started studying social groups and discovered a whole subject on something called sociology.

So I started researching types of social groups what their mannerisms and such. I noticed I couldn't find anything on people who didn't fit into any of these categories, until I found some writings from Roland Ezri, entitled Loners.

What I read made me a little upset, not because of the way he described loners it was a perfect match of what I was going through and what I felt psychologically.

Here is a excerpt of what he wrote and my reply. Please read it all it is very important or you will not understand.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Roland Ezri

What follows is based on an actual case which was widely publicized at the time in the Ottawa newspapers. Nevertheless, because of the passage of time, and out of respect for the people who were directly, or indirectly, involved, all names have been changed. As well, places and dates have been left out.

In a school close to where I used to live, a terrible tragedy occurred which vividly illustrates the damage a loner can cause.

On this day, one of the most popular and charismatic teachers in the school was teaching a not-for-credit course on religion. As was usually the case, a standing-room-only crowd of students was attending. There were over 60 students perched on desk tops and window sills. And this teacher had their undivided attention.

Suddenly, the door was opened violently and a gun barrel was thrust through the doorway. The gunman opened fire on the helpless victims who could not escape; pandemonia, screams and sheer panic ensued as everybody tried to hit the floor. The terror seemed to last for an eternity; in reality, it lasted for only 20 seconds. As suddenly as the door was opened, it was closed. The students heard one more shot, followed by total silence - a silence as deafening as the noise that preceded it.

The gunman was one of their peers, his name was Patrick. When the questions started, it turned out that Patrick was a “non-entity” among the other students, really no more than a name to most of his classmates.

Before I proceed, let me describe the tragedy in its entirety. The hellish scene in the classroom was Act II of a horror that started early on.

A girl by the name of Sandra, from another school, had some sympathy for Patrick and went occasionally to his house for dinner. On this day, Patrick raped her and then stabbed her to death. He then set his parent’s house on fire.

Patrick was a quiet, studious, not conventionally attractive teenager. He was an A-student and a member of the military cadets where he learned how to shoot a gun. He had difficulty conversing with anyone, especially girls.

Patrick was a typical loner, a mystery to everyone, including his parents. The kind of mystery that needed to be elucidated to avoid a potential tragedy. But Patrick was, at his request, left alone by his parents. They had allowed him considerable solitude in his bedroom apartment since the age of 12 or 13. By the time he was 17, he asked for nothing less than total privacy. And his parents did not object.

It was never possible to reconstruct an even shadowy picture of Patrick and the motivation behind his actions on this terrible day. For, with his last shot, Patrick took his own life. In addition to Sandra, one of the students, Bruno, died. Miraculously, this was the only fatality caused by the shooting. For the surviving students, questions remain, and nightmares to last a lifetime.

The preceding story shows us that the danger posed by loners is too great to be ignored. We call these people “losers.” Perhaps it would be more accurate to call them “failures.”

The failure of a society who is unable to be compassionate and integrate all its members. I have no magic answers. Rather I have many questions. I ask myself why, if my observations are right, do women not become loners? Can we analyze that and apply our findings to male loners?

Can we start early on in schools and ask children to integrate loners in their midst? How for that matter do we identify the loners and not confuse them with children who are simply shy or need more time to adjust to the school routine?

Can we ask adolescents to accept and integrate the loners in the “wolf-pack?” Can we ask young people to invite loners to their parties, to be kind to them without being patronizing?

Perhaps I am deluding myself for children and adolescents are selfish; the world revolves around their little person. It has to be this way. Nature’s way to prepare them for the awesome responsibilities of adulthood is by building their ego. Adolescents form clans (like the early humans) and “misfits” have no place in the clan.

But we are not only animals; we have superior intelligence. We can reach 8-year-olds and 14-year-olds and present them with this tremendous challenge. We can use as a bait the fact that young people love a challenge and delight at the opportunity to emerge victorious in any undertaking. It will be difficult, but I personally believe that it can be done.

---

My reply

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by me

Why do loners need to be helped. I myself consider myself to be a loner, people generally ignore and reject me. I see people around me as being nothing but sheep, following social norms and doing nothing original. Someone who considers themselves accomplished is not he only applies practices taught to him by peers and teachers. Loners tend to be uniquely original each in their own way and it is evident in the type and style of work they do. Often the work of a loner is very informative and innovative but equally so is very disorganized as we tend to stray from standards.

If anything people need to understand that you need to quit trying to integrate loners into society and start accepting them as individuals apart from the groups. You see a loner expects to be accepted by all groups for what he has to offer a middle man if you will. For instance I played football because I was good a football not to make friends I expected to be accepted by the groups for what I did not who I was. I also liked to drink alcohol so likewise I expected to be accepted by the partiers of my high school because I was someone they could drink with not someone they could relate to. I also expected the same amount of respect from the people I met as I gave to them which due to these social norms of people being in their groups didn’t really happened too often.

That is where the problem lies, people need to respect the independence of loners and learn to treat them with respect for not conforming to a social standard. Trying to force a loner into a group will only make problems worse, the individual will not only loose respect from his peers he will loose respect for himself and that is where these school shootings come in.

Lastly loners should not be pitied, if you befriend a loner out of pity he will learn to hate you for it and like mentioned in a tragic example the person will most likely end up getting hurt or killed, and rightfully so. Having pity for a loner will always end bad as it is not necessary. If you want to befriend a loner you must build a relationship on respect and you must acknowledge their independence in mannerisms and vocabulary and accept it (a loner will tend to act in ways and say things that a “normal” person would not). We also spend a lot of time trying to hide our true selves in mystery to protect against criticism. Once a relationship of respect is built you will see that a loner will open him/herself up and that is where your true colors will show by how you handle the strange behavior. If you are someone who is truly a friend you will not criticize you will not reprimand the loner you will accept what you see and over time when the bond grows strong you will notice that you will have a friend that will never treat you badly always stick up for you and will never tell a lie to you. You will always get more from a loner than you give.

---

Feel free to critique my writing or Ezri's writing, I would like to hear some feed back. I do feel better (after reading and writing all that) about myself.

I would comment that you(and the writer) seem to be romanticizing the Loner, to kind of a anti-social, anti-hero with a heart of gold underneath. Just really great guy who needs to be drawn out, needs to have a lot of attention lavished upon him.

The fact that, say you for example, are not in contact emotionally, or any real way with "normal" people sets you up for being alienated.

YOu may or may not have major mental illness... perhaps, you just identify with committing violence because you don't have any good outlets for anger, and any good input for love.

Maybe, a therapist can help you learn about love?

Best wishes going forward,

Sorry I refuse to talk to anyone I have to pay to listen to me.

There is fear on both sides. The problem isn't a lack of respect or acceptance, it's fear of differences. Kindness (and bravery) requires intelligence... Sheep? If you are indeed a loner, are you brave or are you a sheep unto yourself?

I'm not criticizing anyone, just thinking aloud.

Was "Patrick" choosing to end his pain and hurt his perceived enemies? We'll never know. There are many loners. Some skirt the edge of the "okay" people and survive. We know them, but may not see their duplicity.