Ask Me Help Desk - Is this Child Abuse

I have a 9 yo daughter who spends 1/2 summer with her dad and his wife out of state. When returning this summer she expressed to me that she didn't want to go back. When I asked her why, she said that both my ex and his wife hurt her, by pulling her by her hair to an area where she needs to complete an unfinished chore. She expressed that they also speak meanly of me, telling her that "your mother is a stripper", to which she asked me if I was this morning (of course not!).

Two questions, is any of this considered child abuse and should I report it, and does she have to return for the holidays if she doesn't want to... even though our child visitation order states that she spends 1/2 the holidays with him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by oz40409

I have a 9 yo daughter who spends 1/2 summer with her dad and his wife out of state. When returning this summer she expressed to me that she didn't want to go back. When I asked her why, she said that both my ex and his wife hurt her, by pulling her by her hair to an area where she needs to complete an unfinished chore. She expressed that they also speak meanly of me, telling her that "your mother is a stripper", to which she asked me if I was this morning (of course not!).

Two questions, is any of this considered child abuse and should I report it, and does she have to return for the holidays if she doesn't want to....even though our child visitation order states that she spends 1/2 the holidays with him.

If you think your child is being physically and/or emotionally abused you owe it to your child to report it (if it rises to that level) OR apply to the Court for other visitation - such as supervised visitation or no visitation. You need (obviously) to do this quickly, expedited if possible, BEFORE the holidays.

Your child may very well be interviewed by a social worker to determine the extent and nature of the abuse.

Again - you owe it to your child to stop this behavior on the part of your ex and his wife.

Make sure she is telling you the truth before you do anything, as kids can be manipulative, when they want something, or don't want to do something. Especially when they sense the partners are on different pages. That can be determined by a counselor

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Make sure she is telling you the truth before you do anything, as kids can be manipulative, when they want something, or don't want to do something. Especially when they sense the partners are on different pages. That can be determined by a counselor

You have a good point, but she's never lied to me about this kind of thing before. On the contrary she was looking forward to going this year. She went last year, and seemed to enjoy herself. She has no reason to play us against each other, as I never utter a bad word about her father, I encourage the relationship.

After hearing this though, I'm very concerned at how I should handle it. I did send him an email giving him an opportunity to respond to her allegations, but he hasn't responded. I want them to have a good relationship, and I don't want any drama with him, but on the other hand, I don't want to put her in harms way either.

Quote:

Originally Posted by oz40409

You have a good point, but she's never lied to me about this kind of thing before. On the contrary she was looking forward to going this year. She went last year, and seemed to enjoy herself. She has no reason to play us against each other, as I never utter a bad word about her father, I encourage the relationship.

After hearing this though, I'm very concerned at how I should handle it. I did send him an email giving him an opportunity to respond to her allegations, but he hasn't responded. I want them to have a good relationship, and I don't want any drama with him, but on the other hand, I don't want to put her in harms way either.

Again - you know your daughter. If you believe she is telling you the truth you must protect her. Request that someone (a social worker, an Attorney appointed to represent her) evaluate the situation.

If she is being harmed you must do something - it's both your right and your obligation.