HI everyone, I am a 39 single woman . And don't know where to turn or where to go. I have been living with a man ( and I use that loosley) for 3 years, after a month of being there he said he needed me to pay him $800 a month to help with bills, wellbeing the person I am I said OK, thinking that that would be all . But then I started having to pay for things in my name like : cable, phone, and paying for food. He lost his job about a year ago and has not even tried to look for work. I make only $10 an hour and with food and gas and everything going up I just can't do it anymore. He has started getting verblay abusive and I have been looking for a job back home for about 4 months and there just isn't anything out there. I have found a place to rent but I can't without a job. Its hard to find something when you can't be there in the same town. I've even thought about trying welfare until I find a job or two . But I don't know how that works . Is there anyone out there that can give me some advise?

Anything he has put in your name, call and cancel/close etc.. BEFORE you leave. You do NOT want him screwing that stuff up for you. Second... yes, if you need to, welfare, assistance programs, ANYTHING you can get your hands on to help you for a month or 2 till you get on your feet.

Look up assistance programs in your state. (google should find them for you ;) )

DO NOT TELL HIM WHERE YOU ARE GOING... meaning I would not have your name listed in the phone book once you get a phone. Have your mail forwarded, but make sure that the post office can't give out your info for your new address.

Just want to make sure you cut all ties and make it hard to find you.

Good luck!

Thank you, I will look it up. And he didn't put anything in my name that was me, but stupid me thought he would write all the checks when I gave him the money. But that didn't happen.

Still make sure that you get them closed/canceled.

In addition to what Static said... Do you have any friends that could help you out. Maybe you could crash with someone for a few weeks while you are in transition? Or find someone who is looking for a roommate situation?

The sooner you move on, the better off you will be.

No, I don't well none I would stay with anyway. I have my mother but I wouldn't put that strain on her. We just lost my dad in December.

I would think it would be nice to have a daughter around after losing your husband. Have you asked your mom?

Again, I agree with Static. Don't look at it as being a burden. I'm sure there are plenty of ways you could help her around the house.

She said she wants me to stay with her, and I would but my Maine thing is right now is money, I wouldn't want her to pay my bills, I have a place to rent but just need a way to pay for it while I find a job. It's a shame that people who want to work can't find anything and can't get help , but the ones that don't want to work get all the help why is that. I went and looked up some info on assistance but you have to have kids, well I do but my kids are 18 and 19 out on there own

I JUST WANT TO STAND ON MY OWN AND NOT EVER DEPEND ON ANYONE ELSE. I WAS MARRIED WHEN I WAS 20, HE WAS AN ALCOHOLIC and after the 3 time of landing me in the er, I was done, didn't date for 6 years and end up with this guy, so right now I want to be alone. Not depend on anyone.

Imagine if the roles were reversed and it was your mother who needed a temporary place to stay. Wouldn't you be happy to help her? So, of course she would be happy to help you.

Have a plan in place before you move in. Be sure she knows what you need from her. Have her be clear about what household chores you will be responsible for while you are there. And have a definite date that you will move out.

While you are there take advantage of the opportunity to save some money, get your life back on track and spend quality time with you mom.

I guess I could try, I'll talk to her about it tonight, thank you

Yay! Really, you are her daughter. Unless you have screwed her in the past and things aren't good between you... she will be HAPPY to help.

I would if I were in that situation. My wife's sister stays with us every summer because she can't stay with either parent (long story but each parent gets mad if she is with one and not the other) so we are happy to help... never ask her to pay. She is family!

Your mom will be happy to have you. And really.. what bills? Some more food? A little more elelectric? She already has phone etc... so once you get on your feet. Give her some money for helping :)

Good luck!!

Thanks, bills are car, insurance, I could get her house straight, she's a pack rat and I'm not. Thank you again