Ask Me Help Desk - How can I get my ex out of my sons life

Ok, I know it sounds harsh, but please understand. I was married to my ex for almost 2 years in NC. He was verbally and some physically abusive to me. He beat and killed my first cat, and then started beating on the second. I left him when I was 10 weeks pregnant, and of course he knew. He kept wanting me to come back to him and work things threw, but I knew better. He also accused me of cheating on him, and making him do things he didn't want to do. Anyway, my son was born, and he kept claimimg him saying oh my son, my son, but I want a DNA test to prove it. He kept on it for months till the court ordered it. He volentarily paid cs, for a couple of months, then stopped. We kept going to court, and we had 50/50 custody. Well, Jan 27, 08 things changed. My dad and I went to pick my son up from his dads, and the whole left side of his face was black and blue. We couldn't see very well because my ex brought him out and we saw his face by a street light. I took him to the hospital and the said child abuse. DSS and the CME all said the same thing. We have a new court order now, and he sees my son every other weekend and is court ordered to pay child support. He is 4 months behind and all I have seen is $167.54 that's it. We had court in another county, where his dad lives, and he pled guilty to misdomeanor child abuse, all he got was a year probation and court fines. DSS is getting ready to close the case, and I am so afraid that this will happen again, or much worse. My ex has in the past told me and my family that he will never change and what he did to the cat, he will disapline a child the same way. Please tell me what I can do, I don't want my son dead!!

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Originally Posted by kiriea

Ok, I know it sounds harsh, but please understand. I was married to my ex for almost 2 years in NC. He was verbally and some physically abusive to me. He beat and killed my first cat, and then started beating on the second. I left him when I was 10 weeks preg, and of course he knew. He kept wanting me to come back to him and work things threw, but I knew better. He also accused me of cheating on him, and making him do things he didnt want to do. Anyway, my son was born, and he kept claimimg him saying oh my son, my son, but I want a DNA test to prove it. He kept on it for months till the court ordered it. He volentarily paid cs, for a couple of months, then stopped. We kept going to court, and we had 50/50 custody. Well, Jan 27, 08 things changed. My dad and I went to pick my son up from his dads, and the whole left side of his face was black and blue. We couldnt see very well because my ex brought him out and we saw his face by a street light. I took him to the hospital and the said child abuse. DSS and the CME all said the same thing. We have a new court order now, and he sees my son every other weekend and is court ordered to pay child support. He is 4 months behind and all I have seen is $167.54 thats it. We had court in another county, where his dad lives, and he pled guilty to misdomeanor child abuse, all he got was a year probation and court fines. DSS is getting ready to close the case, and I am so afraid that this will happen again, or much worse. My ex has in the past told me and my family that he will never change and what he did to the cat, he will disapline a child the same way. Please tell me what I can do, I dont want my son dead!!!!

I'm surprised with this history that he doesn't have supervised visitation.

Anyway, you go back to Court, get an emergency order, take your proof of his abuse, take your witnesses and/or their affidavits, ask for supervised visitation. Do it immediately.

If he's not paying Court ordered child support, take him back into Court to enforce the Order. With any luck at all they'll put him in jail for ignoring the Order and then you won't have to worry about visitation for a while.

I am getting ready to go back to court, CSEO is involved since July, they told me to call them Oct 2 if I have/havent received any cs for Sep. I don't know what will happen after that. We went to court after the abuse to my son Timothy. He had supervised visits, and had to go to a lot of classes, from abuse class to anger management. He is engaged to a woman with 2 kids, and I just think that Timothys dad wants anything to do with him.

Ok, first child support and visits have nothing to do with each other, so he can be 3 years behind in payments and still get his visits though the court.

And in the end personally I would just not let him have any unsupervised visits, sorry but I would move 1000 miles away if I had to, to protect my son.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Ok, first child support and visits have nothing to do with each other, so he can be 3 years behind in payments and still get his visits though the court.

And in the end personally I would just not let him have any unsupervised visits, sorry but I would move 1000 miles away if I had to, to protect my son.

Trust me I would love to move and completley change everything about me and my son. I have told everybody that I wanted to just drop off the face of the earth just to keep him safe. But I have been told also by several people the differences they see in Timothy from when he is with his dad, and when he hasn't seen him. I told my case worker about them, and she told me that they needed to make a report to DSS, because of what they have seen. There have been times where Timothy would be there, and some friends come over, and 2 sons took TImothy outside. His dad wasn't paying him any attention, he was all over his fiancé, and it was 30+ min before he noticed that he was gone. He only got un supervised visits because he finished his classes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kiriea

Tust me I would love to move and completley change everything about me and my son. I have told everybody that I wanted to just drop off the face of the earth just to keep him safe. But I have been told also by several people the differences they see in Timothy from when he is with his dad, and when he hasnt seen him. I told my case worker about them, and she told me that they needed to make a report to DSS, because of what they have seen. There have been times where Timothy would be there, and some friends come over, and 2 sons took TImothy outside. His dad wasnt paying him any attention, he was all over his fiance, and it was 30+ min before he noticed that he was gone. He only got un supervised visits because he finished his classes.

Then go back to Court with your witnesses and information and protect your son.

Or simply refuse to let the boy have visitation with his father and see where it goes from there.

You owe it to your son to protect him.

I would love to stop visitation but how can I do that without being in contempt? Its court ordered he have every other weekend and he will have Timothy Friday. I don't want to be the bad person, and look like Im just picking for a fight. The friends that told me about the other things that had happened, have told DSS and made reports, so I don't know if I should just wait.

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Originally Posted by kiriea

I would love to stop visitation but how can I do that without being in contempt? Its court ordered he have every other weekend and he will have Timothy Friday. I dont want to be the bad person, and look like Im just picking for a fight. The friends that told me about the other things that had happened, have told DSS and made reports, so I dont know if I should just wait.

If you believe your ex is dangerous, is hurting your son, I would not let the child go with him. Period. If your ex wants to file against you for contempt of Court, let him do that. And then you go in with the information and the witnesses.

If he hurts your son you will never, ever forgive yourself. Never. Sometimes you have to put yourself on the line to protect your children.