Hi, I have been dating my "girlfriemd" for about two and a half years now, and up until now I thought that I wanted to marry her. Then, a few days ago I realized that I don't really know if I love her... so I told her the truth that I wasn't really sure wheater or not I love her and I needed time to figure it out. So while I had this time, I met another girl and I've fallen head over heels in love... and I know I don't love my "girlfriend" now... technically I have not broken up with her... but I'm soooo confused, she keeps telling me she loves me and that she wants to be with me forever, and, because I feel really bad, I say it back (in a I don't mean it manner) meanwhile I can't sleep at night, can't eat or think without thinking about erica (the new girl I met). In the summer I will be shipping out to boot camp for the marines (infantry), and I don't know if I should bring things further with erica. I know I'm going to dump my "girlfriend" but does anyone think I'm doing it for the wrong reason? I don't want to hurt erica when I leave but she's assured me that she's proud of me for being so brave I don't want to hurt her if I die... she says ill hurt her when I leave no matter what. I've asked some friendswhat I should do and one friend told me to go out with erica because I obviously love her she also said "relationships are all about taking risks that you'll hurt the other person butalso knowing that you make them feel so much better than you make them hurt... I don't know what to do!! I'm so f***ing confused! Can someone PLEASE PLEASE help me?:confused::confused::confused::confused:

You need to end it with one of them. It is very wrong to do this to your old girlfriend. Man Up and make a decision. You have put yourself in a spot and need to figure out something quick before you end up hurting someone more. You say you just love this new girl but how much do you truly know about her? Do you really love her or is it the excitement of something new? Or are you afraid of hurting your old girlfriend by joining the marines and putting your life on the line for your country? Ask yourself these questions we cannot tell you what to do its your decision and your feelings.

First, before I Chuff into you, Thank you for your service.

Now, I agree with what wikedjuggalo said. Man up.

I think your too confused to date either girl and with your life changing in a few months your bringing that confusion into your personal life. Your girlfriend has given you 2 1/2 years of her life and she deserves the truth, not her emotions strained. If your having doubt after all this time she needs to hear it and she needs to hear why. She's earned that.

Secondly, you new chick Erica is not someone you are "head over heels in love with" she's someone new who destracts you from all the changes taking place in your life.

What you need to do is clear you life of both girls and spend some time figuring out what you want for yourself. You have to end the confusion of what your are looking for by spending time with the guy who is making those decisions, so in other words you need to find yourself and what your looking for then start dating.

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Originally Posted by wikedjuggalo

You need to end it with one of them. It is very wrong to do this to your old girlfriend. Man Up and make a decision. You have put yourself in a spot and need to figure out something quick before you end up hurting someone more. You say you just love this new girl but how much do you truly know about her? Do you really love her or is it the excitement of something new? Or are you afraid of hurting your old gf by joining the marines and putting your life on the line for your country? Ask yourself these questions we cannot tell you what to do its your decision and your feelings.

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You know what? You're right I do need to end it with one of them, and I also know for sure that this time its got to be love because I've known her for about 5 months now. And we've connected in a way I just can't explain, and I've tried to break up with my other girlfriend, but to put it simply, she won't give me the chance to! I tried telling her and she ignores it and keeps on talking about something else anyway thanks for the criticism its nice to know that some people have the balls to say what they think. And no, I'm not afraid of hurting my old girlfriend by joining the marines. But thanks you have helped more than you will know. I do love her the girl I met, I can't sleep I feel like I can't even breathe when I'm not with her!
I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach (that I have right now) that I'm missing something. And when I'm with her, that disappears I don't know how to explain it. Maybe you are right, its possible it could be the excitement of a new thing. Hell anythings possible, maybe its just that I don't feel any love toward my old girlfriend and now I feel alone and I don't want to die alone. You know what? Now that I think about it I didn't know my old girlfriend before we went out. It just kind of happened. Sorry this was so long. But thank you

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Originally Posted by slan12

you know what? youre right i do need to end it with one of them, and i also know for sure that this time its gotta be love because ive known her for about 5 months now. and we've connected in a way i just can't explain, and ive tried to break up with my other girlfriend, but to put it simply, she wont give me the chance to! i tried telling her and she ignores it and keeps on talking about something else anyway thanks for the criticism its nice to know that some people have the balls to say what they think. and no, im not afraid of hurting my old gf by joining the marines. but thanks you have helped more than you will know. i do love her the girl i met, i can't sleep i feel like i can't even breathe when im not with her!
i get this feeling in the pit of my stomach (that i have right now) that im missing something. and when im with her, that dissapears i dont know how to explain it. maybe you are right, its possible it could be the excitement of a new thing. hell anythings possible, maybe its just that i dont feel any love toward my old gf and now i feel alone and i dont want to die alone. you know what? now that i think about it i didnt know my old gf b4 we went out. it just kind of happened. sorry this was so long. but thank you

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Then for god shakes please let your old girlfriend go. Let her start to heal. Even if she does not want to hear it. You do not want to hurt her you said so let her go. Look I do not think you're an evil or wrong person but please let her go and let her find someone she can feel like you have felt with this new girl. I wish the best for you and I do respect you for serving our country. You are on the opposite end of what I had to deal with. I was the one who was left for another. What I can tell you is not give her false hope. Be nice about and do no do it in a cruel way. But make sure you know that you will probably burn that bridge for good should you choose new girl. You will probably be surprised in time when you ended up wanter her back.

I agree with chuff that you should step back from all of it and decide what you really want. I think you need to truly look inside of you before you make decisions.

Your girlfriend has given you 2 1/2 years of her life and she deserves the truth, not her emotions strained. If your having doubt after all this time she needs to hear it and she needs to hear why. She's earned that.


You're right, she has earned that and I have told her numerous times! I told her everything about how I feel about erica everything, and she just ignores it and acts as if nothing is going to happen! What do I do yell at her and stop answering her phone calls?
And I think I do need to figure myself out. If it's the only thing I do before summer. Sh*t man, my lifes ed up, am I just some huge d*ck? I sure feel like it...

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Originally Posted by wikedjuggalo

Then for god shakes please let your old gf go. Let her start to heal. Even if she does not want to hear it. You do not want to hurt her you said so let her go. Look I do not think your an evil or wrong person but please let her go and let her find someone she can feel like you have felt with this new girl. I wish the best for you and I do respect you for serving our country. You are on the opposite end of what I had to deal with. I was the one who was left for another. What I can tell you is not give her false hope. Be nice about and do no do it in a cruel way.

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I'm sorry for what you went through, I can imagine its hardand I waill take you're advice, I'm going to stop telling her things I don't mean. Its not right. And I wouldn't do it in a cruel way. I still want to be friends with her. I just don't see myself with her for the rest of my life in the way she wants. Thanks

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Originally Posted by slan12

im sorry for what you went through, i can imagine its hardand i waill take youre advice, im gonna stop telling her things i dont mean. its not right. and i wouldnt do it in a cruel way. i still want to be friends with her. i just dont see myself with her for the rest of my life in the way she wants. thanks

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The friends thing does not work out for the one hurting. No offense I know you mean well but that usually will keep her from healing. Tell her that everything was not a lie but things changed. It was not her fault. Tell her she deserves someone who will give and love as much as she has to you. Please do not put any blame on her because she is not at fault at all for your feelings changing.

As far as feeling like a its understandable. I mean you probably did not mean to bring pain to her. As far as her completely ignoring you about leaving you will have to take it a step further I'm afraid. She is not ready. But you just have to give her clear information no false hope.

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Originally Posted by slan12

you're right, she has earned that and i have told her numerous times!, i told her everything about how i feel about erica everything, and she just ignores it and acts as if nothing is going to happen!

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She's holding out hope, she's madly in love with you and that won't make this easy that's for sure

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Originally Posted by slan12

what do i do yell at her and stop answering her phone calls?

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You sit her down and you tell her that as you have gotten older and matured you have changed and with that change you have come to question if you truly can commit to her. You have to have time to yourself because you've become confused as to who you are and what you want and that means you have to go it alone. With that it also means that if she contacts you, you are not going answer her, not because you don't care but because you do and you know that if you continue to talk to her it will give her a false hope.

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Originally Posted by slan12

and i think i do need to figure myself out. if its the only thing i do before summer. sh*t man, my lifes ed up, am i just some huge d*ck? i sure feel like it...

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I think your confused, I wouldn't call you a huge d*ck. Look we've all been confused but you have to get out of this so you can start to see your future with a clear head.

Slan,

Man, I gotta tell ya...I think you have done NOTHING wrong.

You dated a girl. You said you wanted time off. You met someone else. You even went so far as to say you were not sure you were in love with "Girl A".

All you have to do to maintain your honor is "take that hill" (break up with your original girl ASAP)...
I Know that it's going to be tough, but your ex needs to officially be your ex.
IFFFFF you cannot do that - well, then maybe she IS the girl for you :-)... or you are too worried about being the bad guy. As long as you are fair she will recover in time.

But as long as you can be polite and give the news straight, well semi-straight (no need to get into your new girl) and tell her it's best if you are just friends at this point. Then, you are ready to proceed and see where it goes!

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Originally Posted by Ash123

Slan,

Man, I gotta tell ya...I think you have done NOTHING wrong.

You dated a girl. You said you wanted time off. You met someone else. You even went so far as to say you were not sure you were in love with "Girl A".

All you have to do to maintain your honor is "take that hill" (break up with your original girl ASAP)....
I Know that it's gona be tough, but your ex needs to officially be your ex.
IFFFFF you cannot do that - well, then she IS the girl or you are too worried about being the bad guy. As long as you are fair she will recover in time.

But as long as you can be polite and give the news straight, well semi-straight (no need to get into your new girl) and tell her it's best if you are just friends at this point. Then, you are ready to proceed and see where it goes!

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Thanks, I think I'm going to sit her down and tell her so she can't ignore me this time... I hope I don't hurt her too much though because I still care about her even though I don't want to be her boyfriend...

I do not want to make it sound like I think you're a bad guy or anything but simply that it is wrong to have your old GF holding on that is all.

Sure it will be tough, but that's what you are trained for... level head under fire :-) She will respect you if you are honest and open to talking.

As for the other girl - I am not sure that is love yet - but I DO think you broke up for a reason. So, time to honor that.

I assume you didn't find the other girl while dating and THEN break-up...

Level head under fire OORAH!!

So. I broke up with her not 20 minutes ago, and I bet this will be the first and only time you will ever hear this! She felt the same way that did!! And I'm glad. She met someone about a week ago and she is fine with it all. Thanks to you allfor the killer advise!! Especially you ash and wickedjuggalo! This whole thing could not have turned out any better!! I gues when it comes down to it even people who will risk their lives for people they don't even know have no clue when it comes don to relationships... thanks

Semper fi

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Originally Posted by slan12

level head under fire OORAH!!!

so. i broke up with her not 20 minutes ago, and i bet this will be the first and only time you will ever hear this! she felt the same way that did!!! and im glad. she met someone about a week ago and she is fine with it all. thanks to you allfor the killer advise!!!!! especially you ash and wickedjuggalo! this whole thing could not have turned out any better!!! i gues when it comes down to it even people who will risk their lives for people they dont even know have no clue when it comes don to relationships... thanks

semper fi

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That's great man :) I'm glad for you. See what happens when people are honest to each other :). I hope everything else works great for you ! Good luck and Thanks for serving our country.

I should be saying thanks to you friend, you've really helped me out today,
Just know that you have my graditude and sincerest thanks!

You are the prototype of the person that can benefit most from this site:

Honest about your situation.
Gather all information.
Quickly take action.

It doesn't always happen like that :-)

The Answer to this question is hard as at the end of the daч its what чou think is best that should happen not complete strangers. Im sure your lovelч but we don't know чou we Don't know the relationship чou were in and we don't know what its like between чou and erica. Maчbe if чou haven't already finished it чou and чour girlfreind should try again чou could have just got bored of being with the same person for so long. 2 and a half чears is a lot to throw awaч for чou and her. I agree with a comment made on here that it might be the excitement of someone new that's made чou think so seriouslч about erica. But as I've said I don't know чou or either of the other people involved. чou want to do what's going to make чou feel good. чou may be better just going I alone for a while.

Hope I've helped and hope people do agree with the poing I've tried to make.

Ummm, please read the previous posts carly.
I think you are a little out of the loop.

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Originally Posted by Ash123

You are the prototype of the person that can benefit most from this site:

Honest about your situation.
Gather all information.
Quickly take action.

It doesn't always happen like that :-)

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Wait... so you are not supposed to argue with everybody and say they don't know what your talking about and this case is different the rest? Who knew?