My children ages 14,12&11 want to be able to decide if and when they go on visits w/dad. Visits have been strained from the beginning, children frequently not wanting to go. Now that they are older they are really pressuring me to get visits changed which I have started the paperwork. In the mean time they are saying that when father comes they are going to start telling him no they don't want to go. Can they do that? Will there be consequences for me. I have sole custody.

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Originally Posted by mazzaferrow

My children ages 14,12&11 want to be able to decide if and when they go on visits w/dad. Visits have been strained from the beginning, children frequently not wanting to go. Now that they are older they are really pressuring me to get visits changed which I have started the paperwork. In the mean time they are saying that when father comes they are going to start telling him no they don't want to go. Can they do that? Will there be consequences for me. I have sole custody.

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No, they are old enough to say they don't want to go BUT, depending on your relationship with your ex, he certainly can claim you are leading them into not going. If the Court sees this as your attempt to estrange the children from their father it will cause you problems. If he wants to push things he could require evaluations of the children in an attempt to determine if this is truly their decision.

I realize divorce is difficult for children but, as their father, he is certainly entitled to visit with them - unless he's a danger to them.

Instead of staying overnight could they just go on shorter visits until the Order is heard?

As Judy pointed out they can say no but their father is entitled to time with them. If you don't have them go with their father then yes he could bring you back to court for contempt. I would get those modification papers done as soon as possible so you can get before a judge and the judge will then rule and you will know if a modification will be allowed or if they will continue to see their father on the already scheduled visitation.

You can file the motion and see what happens. The judge may or may not allow the children to testify. When my parents got divorced, my sister and I were already 17 and 14. My dad's attorney asked the judge if we could come to court and testify that we had no desire to see our mother due to the physical and verbal abuse we had endured over the years she was at home; the judge refused to even let us in the courtroom and denied my father the guardian ad litem he was requesting to show that we'd be better off not seeing her.

Your kids can tell your ex anything they want; I can't really say if it will help or harm your situation. But that's actually how we got our mother to end her visitation; we told her flat-out that we had no desire to be there and eventually, she sent a letter to our dad saying she wasn't coming to pick us up anymore. However, unless your ex relinquishes his rights in that aspect, your kids are still going to have to visit with him as ordered by the court.

Yes, husband can try and take you back to court to force you to allow him to have the children. You could be held in contempt of court for not providing the children to him.

If there is not a reason he is a danger to the children most likely he will get his visits upheld.

Im just curious. Why are they stating that they don't want to go to his house? That may help determine your chances in court for being able to get anything done.