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-   -   My girlfriend is pregnant but it isn't mine, what do I do? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=262394)

  • Sep 19, 2008, 08:15 PM
    caleb89
    My girlfriend is pregnant but it isn't mine, what do I do?
    I am dating the most wonderful girl in the world, I love her to death but she is pregnant and the baby is not mine and I don't know what to do. I met her and I fell for her from the start. It took me a bit but I got her number and we started "talking". Come to find out, she had gotten out of a relationship about 3 months prior, however while we were talking, she had a one night stand with her ex. About 2 weeks later, we started dating and after about 2 months, she found out she is pregnant with his baby. She has a terrible personal life and right now, I'm the only person she has, the only one who cares about her. Right now, she is unsure what she wants to do but abortion is out of the question. I care about this girl more than anything in the world but I really don't know what to do. I'm not ready to raise a child, espicially one that isn't mine. I don't want to leave her when she needs me the most because if I leave her, she will have nothing but I just don't know what to do. Please help!! Oh yea, she has considered putting it up for adoption, but both parents have to sign for it and her ex, the father, is crazy obsessed over her and he won't sign the adoption papers. This just makes it all that much worse. Again, please help me!!
  • Sep 19, 2008, 08:22 PM
    starfirefly
    It all depends on you, if you want to be with her, than that baby comes with it, so you have to decide for yourself if its worth it to you.
  • Sep 20, 2008, 05:19 AM
    liz28

    Yeah, it a decision you have to make. If your not ready to raise a child, especially someone else, then you don't have to. You can still be there for her by being her friend, you don't have to be her boyfriend.

    The thing about this post that is unsettling to me is her ex. You stated he is obessive over her and that's not good and you must watch out for people like that. It too much and a lot of things are going on with exes coming back and going crazy or deadly things to the ex girlfriend or current boyfriend because they don't know how to let go. Think about that!

    It's great that you want to be there and be her rock but you can be all those things being her friend too. You need to voice your feelings to her because communication is the key. Sit back and write the pros and cons, be honesty, think clearly about your decision and then act on it. She needs to put her life in order sadly you can't do it for but you can help her. I just want to let you your feelings are normal in a situation like this.
  • Sep 20, 2008, 07:42 AM
    Fr_Chuck

    The real issue here is you are in a new relationship and have to see where it goes. If you want her, you will have to deal with the baby. And the babies daddy who may be coming over for visitation of the baby, and will be part of the child's life if he wants to be.

    So it is up to you if you want to progress. As for as the adoption, that happens after you marry her and about a year after that.
  • Sep 20, 2008, 08:30 AM
    happy_jester
    Quote:

    I care about this girl more than anything in the world
    I believe you do,and the fact that you've posted on this site,really shows that you
    care for this girl :)

    Quote:

    I'm the only person she has, the only one who cares about her.
    It's great to know that she has such a friend as YOU in her time of need,BUT
    You'll need to be aware that if you want to be with her, then that baby comes with it
  • Sep 20, 2008, 12:02 PM
    talaniman

    Lets be real here guy, and not mix up caring, for an everlasting love. I can understand you being there for support, but best for all of you if you wait and see, about anything else.

    Getting in to deep emotionally, would not be wise this early in this relationship, just from the fact she has other decisions to make for herself, and the child, she carries, let alone about the ex, and you.

    No pressure right now, just the support you can give, and leave the love, and romance, on the back burner for now.

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