How to get ex of 7 years back in my arms?
Well I had been with my now ex for 7 years.. everything started great, we moved across the country together and got our own appt. over the course of our relationship (both now 26) we had broken up quite a few times but shortly later got back together.. every time I ask my friends or family for help about getting her back they just laugh and say "just give it a few weeks iddiot, she always comes back" but this time its much different.. in the past she would just up and leave to her aunts place which is about 45 minutes away, and pratically break all contact for up to about a month then call me or show up crying saying how much she loves me and that I have her heart and she's so in love with me etc..
This time though she slowly tapered off from still kissing, having sex, buying each other gifts (but her considering us friends with benefits until I start treating her like a "girlfriend") to not letting me kiss her on the lips and only sex when she is super horney to no sexual contact at all..
About 2 weeks ago I asked her about where we stood.. she stated that by having sex it makes me think we are together when we arnt, and that is all I wanted her for, went all out saying when was the last time you bought me a gift, when was the last time you took me out of town, when was the last time you tried to be romantic, all you do is get drunk and play on your computer why I sit and watch TV which I hate!.
Now every time we broke up prior (20+ times) it was always for the same reason.. I always had a different excuse to get her to come back, but I always knew that drinking was the root of the problem but was never ready (last resort) to get her to come back..
So I quit drinking 2 weeks ago! Mind you I hadn't gone a single night for the past 7 years without picking up a six pack on my way home from work and jut get numb... the very next day I made it my priotory to turn everything around.. she hadn't moved out of my place like she usually would do right away, so started doing all of those things she said I didn't do.. we really started getting close again.. one night in bed rather then her back to me she woke me up by holding my hand extra tight to her heart and smiling at me at like 4am.. so magical to me.. we would leave for work after such good days of my treating her like I should have been doing the whole time but once she got to work and would tell her girlfriends (I suspect) she would drift back away and say things like "i really hope im not leading you on....." I replied "hey i really needed to stop drinking, it was killing our relationship, i really hope you see that things can work very well between us by me removing it from my life.." she would say you always have an excuse! And for the first week or 2 you fool me into thinking you have changed, but then right back to the old you treating me like crap and only being nice when you want sex..
So I just said well only time can show you that I'm ready to stop drinking and start climbing the latter of life with you like we had started before I got sidetracked by getting numb every night..
So for the next maybe 10 days she would leave work early everyday (shes very tight on money and never did this before in our relationship) just to be with me which was so confusing to me. We would go out to lunch, we even joined a gym, long walks at the beach.. she would 'test' me in all sorts of ways that I would fail in the past such as ordering the wrong ice cream purposly only to get a few blocks away to say she got the wrong flavor to see if I would go back and get her what she really wanted... I passed each test, because I want to be with this girl.. but I'm thinking that she thinks I'm just trying to win her back when really I feel like I'm just trying to rekindle our relationship being as she never even moved out of our appt that she was so quick to do in the past..
Every day going forword we would have better and better times, she even asked me when am I finally going to take her to disney.. I made sure to try to do everything she had said I didn't do to show her I am capable, and just when we started getting really close again (her taking my hand on walks, telling me I'm the hottest guy at the gym) she would kind of out of nowhere push herself away from me and say wow I'm really falling for your games to get me back, maybe we shouldn't see each other anymore, I don't want to be with you anymore..
Gosh its tough hearing such words, esp when I'm no longer turning to booze to desensitize.. so after that I got really depressed, I aleady was reading everything I could find on getting your ex back and not to act needed or pushy so I just fealt I should try to add some distance, because the harder I tried to make her happy would seem to work in the beginning, but she would realize she was falling for me again and push away.. so it was just a watse I guess...
The next day she texts me "hey my personal trainer, what are we doing today at the gym?" I responded I nolonger want to go.. explain to her that all these people join the gym, the gym becomes there life and they end up just dating people within the gym and I don't want that.. kind of trying to make her jelous in a way, or just think.. next thing I know she shows up at my house, aggressivly probing me why I don't want to go, how I bought all these supplements and gym gear weeks ago and out of the blue don't want to.. I said its just not me.. now she is a VERY VERY jelous person.. she flipped and was like what happened did a girl try to talk to you, I'm like no no no... she says my name and repeats did somebody try to look at you.. she swore I was lying and knows when I'm lying and that I'm lying... and to be honest with you, I really enjoyed it! So against what I wanted to do I said well... WELL WHATT!! WELLLLL WHATTT!! Man she flipped... I'm like OK... I was waiting in line a few days ago to refill our water bottle and this gil said I saw you checking me out, and walked away.. then yesterday she sent me a message on Facebook saying don't be shy I won't bite, then smiles at me every time I see her when we go to our gym, and I really don't want you (my ex) to catch her smiling at me and my chances with you go out the window, because I don't know the girl, never responded to her on face book and am just weired out by her... so she goes all talking all this trash about this make believe female... ends up storming out our place and heads to the gym alone, she later texts me what the Fukc does this bicth look like!! Describe her! I told her relax I don't know the girl at all, not my type anyway.. and that she's nothing to worry about...
She just responds F off! And went to her aunts that night..
Yesterday I tried so hard not to be the first to text her.. but failed and asked how she was doing, she replied fine you? I just said that I read a lot (which I had) that ex lovers can't remain friends after a breakup primarily due to jelously issues and such other emotions.. she is like oh you don't want to be friends? I sent her a few links from msn about it.. she got upset and we stopped texting.. she stayed again with her aunt and we go alllllllll the way until 7pm today with no contact, after I planned to start the no contact approach to winning her back this morning.. it was VERY hard for me.. but on my way home from work she messages me from the gym "i really need to know what this girl looks like so i can stop giving dirty looks to every girl in the gym!!!"
I was soooooooo relieved..
But with all the built up tension fom no communication today I replied "i really dont understand why you would be upset about this at all, the last girl that was into me that i didnt want anything to do with i was very happy to hear her tell me about all the attention she was getting from other guys..
no reply
i then 2 hours later stuipidly asked "got plans tonight" (friday) and still no reply...
Man I am going crazy in my head and would love to get some input going forword on how to handle this... I do want her back and for the first time am ready to maintain this change to make her and I work out...