This really has got to be the hardest thing I am ever going to write. You see, me and my dad don't trust each other very much. When it gets darker he cuts back my time, but I know he only does that because he worries about me. But the real problem is that he shouts at me, A lot, and it scares me so much that sometimes I pee myself, and then he shouts at me more because I can't stick up for myself and he wonders why. I want him to stop being so aggressive with me, he has never physically hurt me, but its leading up to tha. I don't know what to do and I am really scared.

Where is your mom?

My mum lives in cardiff

So they are not together? I see. Have your mom talk to him or try to write a letter to your dad, say a card for his b-day and obey him to avoid infuriating him. When you're 18 you will be moving out anyway. How old are you now?

Don't worry darling. Everything will be all right. I would at least talk to your mother and ask her what to do because I don't know how bad your father is because I haven't met him, but I'm sure that it can be terrible. My father is the same way towards me when it comes to yelling. He makes me feel like nothing I do is good enough and I hope your father doesn't act the same towards you, but it can become quite overwhelming. I'm asking you politely because I don't want it to turn into anything worse like hitting or throwing, I'm not saying that that is what will happen because I don't know you personally, but please talk to your mother or grandmother or some older relative about this and I'm sure everything will turn out for the better.
Try talking to your father about it too. He should understand and if he doesn't listen then just consult someone else and they will help you out. Everyone has problems with their parents sometime, but just don't wait for it to gets too terrible and then try and resolve the problem. Take a stand for yourself. I hope everything turns out for the better. :) I wish you the best of luck!

<3 kt

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Originally Posted by kminni01

Don't worry darling. Everything will be alright. I would at least talk to your mother and ask her what to do because I don't know how bad your father is because I haven't met him, but I'm sure that it can be terrible. My father is the same way towards me when it comes to yelling. He makes me feel like nothing I do is good enough and I hope your father doesn't act the same towards you, but it can become quite overwhelming. I'm asking you politely because I don't want it to turn into anything worse like hitting or throwing, I'm not saying that that is what will happen because I don't know you personally, but please talk to your mother or grandmother or some older relative about this and I'm sure everything will turn out for the better.
Try talking to your father about it too. He should understand and if he doesn't listen then just consult someone else and they will help you out. Everyone has problems with their parents sometime, but just don't wait for it to gets too terrible and then try and resolve the problem. Take a stand for yourself. I hope everything turns out for the better. :) I wish you the best of luck!

<3 kt

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This sounds a little worse than, "problems with your parents." And, him getting mad at her for not standing up for herself sounds like he WANTS to fight... Which isn't good.
____________________________________
For the OP,
I would like to now a little more about the situation though...
As in how abusive can he get? (Abuse can be done verbally too). Does he have anger problems? Before you can say, "Talk to the dad" I think we need to know the magnitude of the situation. If he is crazy, abusive, and gets mad easily, I don't know that I would suggest talking to him.

Is he a good father when he isn't mad?

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Originally Posted by ylaira

How old are you now?

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I'm 15 soon

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Originally Posted by jrsg

Is he a good father when he isn't mad?

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When he isn't mad at me, he is really really nice to me. He takes me horse riding and everything, but if I'm late back from horse riding he shouts at me because I don't let him know these things. And answering what you said before hand about how abusive is he, because I didn't understand something he got so mad that he pulled the hinges off the door and threw his computer screen at the wall, and then blamed me for getting him mad. He has one time pinned me up against the wall by my neck but never actually tried so strangle me and such. He always calls me stupid, pathetic, insecure, but I don't really take any notice of that. And I spoke to my mum about it, but because she lives in Wales its hard for her, and she worries about me because she doesn't know what my dad is doing and is worried for my safety because when she and my dad were together, my dad WOULD hit her and punch her because she wouldn't do as he wanted her to. And my nan who lives with us doesn't tell him anything. She is to scared to.

If you don't have the courage, (cuz it's overwhelming for some teens), to tell your dad that you are scared then you can consider talking to the guidance/school psychologist..

Most schools are equipped w/ some kind of therapy/guidance for teens... and it's set up for situations and cases much like this.

You do need help feeling safe.

You have to trust SOMEONE...

(Perhaps you can confide in an adult family member? Or a close family friend? They can help by discussing what you confided so you can get some help in opening "the lines of communication" between you and your dad).

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Originally Posted by rockchick182

When he isn't mad at me, he is really really nice to me. He takes me horse riding and everything, but if im late back from horse riding he shouts at me because i don't let him know these things. And answering what you said before hand about how abusive is he, because i didnt understand something he got so mad that he pulled the hinges off the door and threw his computer screen at the wall, and then blamed me for getting him mad. He has one time pinned me up against the wall by my neck but never actually tried so strangle me and such. He always calls me stupid, pathetic, insecure, but i don't really take any notice of that. And i spoke to my mum about it, but because she lives in Wales its hard for her, and she worries about me because she doesn't know what my dad is doing and is worried for my safety because when she and my dad were together, my dad WOULD hit her and punch her because she wouldn't do as he wanted her to. And my nan who lives with us doesn't tell him anything. She is to scared to.

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He has hit people he "loved" before...
He has thrown things and broken things...
People who could help are too afraid to help...
He calls you hurtful names...
He puts the blame on you, even though you don't deserve it...

To be honest, he sounds like a monster. I see how he could be a good father when he isn't mad, but how often is he happy?

Would you by any chance know what the issue is with who gets custody of you? I don't understand how your father, who beat his wife, could get custody of you. Do you know anything about that?

I am in Canada, so I know nothing about English law. Maybe someone more knowledgeable on English law could help me here...

And people on this forum have advised you that when you are 18 you can move out... But I doubt you want to wait that long. This is a serious problem that needs to be solved now. If he has hit your mother, I don't know what would stop him from hitting you.

I found a few numbers you could call if you think it is necessary.


The following can be contacted through your telephone directory:
• Police
• Social Services
• Samaritans 0345 909090
• National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) in England, Wales and Northern Ireland Freephone 0800 800 500
• Children First 0131 337 8539
• Irish Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (ISPCC) 00 353 742 9744
• ChildLine 0800 1111
• Parentline 0808 800 2222

Don't forget, you can also talk to guidance counsellours at your school, if they are available. You could even just talk to your teacher.

For now, I think you should call your mom, and specifically ask for her help. Say that you don't like how your father treats you. Say that he is emotionally abusive (which he is). Then, ask her to help you. If she is a good mother, she will do anything it takes to get your out of there.

If your mom isn't willing to help and do what is necessary, it may be time to bring in the authorities.

Keep us updated on how you are doing,
And you have been very brave in this, and you are doing the right thing by asking for help.

[QUOTE=jrsg;1283814]He has hit people he "loved" before...
He has thrown things and broken things...
People who could help are too afraid to help...
He calls you hurtful names...
He puts the blame on you, even though you don't deserve it...

To be honest, he sounds like a monster. I see how he could be a good father when he isn't mad, but how often is he happy?

Would you by any chance know what the issue is with who gets custody of you? I don't understand how your father, who beat his wife, could get custody of you. Do you know anything about that? [QUOTE]

Yes I do know why I live with my dad. My mum and dadhave never been married before and I lived with my mum until I was 13, and she got a new job in Cardiff, but I refused to move so I'm living with my dad until my mum comes back home in about2 years time.

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Originally Posted by rockchick182

i refused to move so im living with my dad until my mum comes back home in about2 years time.

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Would you consider moving to Cardiff now? Did you have strong reason for refusing to move there with your mother? Would you reconsider now? To be honest, I think you may be in danger with your father. How was life with your mother before this change in custody?

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Originally Posted by asking

Would you consider moving to Cardiff now? Did you have strong reason for refusing to move there with your mother? Would you reconsider now? To be honest, I think you may be in danger with your father. How was life with your mother before this change in custody?

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To be perfectly honest, I would never move to Cardiff with my mum, as much as I would love to to get away from my dad, but I refuse to leave my friends, also my mum smokes a lot, and when I was with her, I had to go to hospital because I stopped breathing, my lungs were clogged with smoke apparently which stopped me from breathing. So I don't want to leave my friends and my mum smokes too much, I would like to move with her, but I will not move if unless my life depended on it.

That's rough. I think we are afraid that your life may depend on it. I think you definitely need to talk to your mother. Hopefully, she will consider quitting smoking and possibly even coming back. But she might not be able to get another job easily. If she quit smoking so you could go back to living with her, would you consider leaving your friends? I know that's really hard, especially now when you need them, but it's a thought. I'm assuming you could make new friends in Cardiff. But I don't know your situation.

Also, is there another adult you could live with besides your parents--an aunt or with one of your friends? When my nephew was about 16, he moved in with the parents of one his friends after my sister got sick. He was able to finish school that way.

[QUOTE=asking;1284072] is there another adult you could live with besides your parents--an aunt or with one of your friends? [QUOTE]

I hve considered living with my 23 year old sister, she even aid is was fine o live with her and he wold love it if I did, becase she lives near my friends. But my dad wouldn't allow it.

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Originally Posted by asking

If she quit smoking so you could go back to living with her, would you consider leaving your friends?

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I agree with "asking",
Tell your mom how you feel, and ask her to quit smoking, or at least not smoke when you are around.

And you may just have to leave your friends... Your life may depend on it, or at least your quality of life. As "asking" said, you will make new friends in Cardiff, and life will probably be better there without your dad.

Which do you value more?
Your life, your well being and your happiness?
Or your friends?

IF your mom quits smoking, or agrees to not smoke around you (and in the house), I think your best bet would be to live with your mom.

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Originally Posted by asking

Also, is there another adult you could live with besides your parents--an aunt or with one of your friends? When my nephew was about 16, he moved in with the parents of one his friends after my sister got sick. He was able to finish school that way.

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This is also a great idea...
An aunt or uncle, or even one of your friends.
Someone who can care for you properly.

All very good advice...





BUT,
that question still remains.

Which do you value more?
Your life, your well being and your happiness?
Or your friends?

It is a tough choice to make, but I think in a situation like this, you need to make it. We are here to help you make it too. :)

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Originally Posted by jrsg

Which do you value more?
Your life, your well being and your happiness?
Or your friends?

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Without my friends I will have no life, my friends to me are my life

[QUOTE=rockchick182;1284075]

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Originally Posted by asking

But my dad wouldn't allow it.

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Too bad for him.

Talk to someone like the authorities and go to live with your sister.

What your dad is doing isn't legal, and he doesn't sound fit to be a father... You can have your sister get "custody" of you, and become your official guardian.

Your sister sounds like a perfect escape for you. Keep your friends, get the dad out of the picture. Take it. Tell her how you feel, and she should know more about what to do.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jrsg

What your dad is doing isn't legal, and he doesn't sound fit to be a father... You can have your sister get "custody" of you, and become your offical gaurdian.

Your sister sounds like a perfect escape for you. Keep your friends, get the dad out of the picture. Take it. Tell her how you feel, and she should know more about what to do.

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Yes. Your dad really sounds scary. I'm not just taking your side either. I think you need to get away from him as soon as possible. I do understand about keeping your friends. At this time, they are a lifeline and a source of support and stability that you are not getting at home.

I think your sister sounds like a good bet, assuming she's responsible and kind. Will your mother help you go live with your sister? At 23, your sister is old enough to be your guardian. Get your mother or another adult to help you figure out if this can work and how you can legally make the move.

Also, if by chance your father should strike you, immediately go to a nurse or doctor and report it and have them take pictures of any bruises and have them write down what happened. You may need to document his abuse. It is frustrating to me that you are so young and having to deal with this on your own. Let us know if you cannot find an adult willing to help you.

And don't forget to keep this numbers close by...

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Originally Posted by jrsg

The following can be contacted through your telephone directory:
• Police
• Social Services
• Samaritans 0345 909090
• National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) in England, Wales and Northern Ireland Freephone 0800 800 500
• Children First 0131 337 8539
• Irish Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (ISPCC) 00 353 742 9744
• ChildLine 0800 1111
• Parentline 0808 800 2222

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