Hello!

Ok so for most of you that don't know me I recently got out of a long term relationship with my exboyfriend and it didn't quite end well (took me 4 times of going back to him to realize it was truly over)

So, now that things are over, I jumped into another relationship, which I think may had been too soon.. but I keep telling myself that he's a great guy, and he's a keeper..

Anyway, I lost my virginity last year to my ex and I felt really really bad about it and we stopped and I asked for Gods forgiveness and I moved on..

Well, last night I told my new guy (of 1 month) that Im not a virgin (He asked and I didn't want to lie)

He was shocked and I could see that he sees me in a different way now.. he told me he wasn't going to dump me.. he just was surprised and so on.. it bothered me.. that I even had to feel like a horrible person.. he's a really really good Christian (his father is a pastor), and I feel like I can't screw up around him, like I have to be perfect.. and now in his eyes he probably sees me differently..

I feel like crap.. my whole life I knew I wanted to wait until marriage and I didn't and now I'm paying for it..

Has anyone ever gone through this? Anyone have any insight on this? Have you ever been with someone who wanted the person to be perfect?

No one is perfect - including him. You were honest with him, which is the best thing you could have done. You can not change the past. If he breaks up with you because of this, then that is something else you have no control over. Be yourself and be honest. That's all you can do in any relationship.

Yes I have been in a similar situation where I felt like I had to be "on" all the time. Guess what? Didn't work. You can only pretend to be someone for so long. Because eventually you get tired of always having to be "on". Just be yourself, telling him the truth was the best thing you could have done. You want him to like you for you right? Not some that you pretend to be. You are who you are. And you need to be with someone who likes you for who you are. No person is perfect. That's what makes us all individuals. Just be yourself, and if he has a problem with that then tell him to beat it. It is one thing to change yourself for someone else e.g.. Not leaving wet towels on the floor, or leaving the toilet seat up, but you cannot change the fact that you are no longer a virgin. Its OK to be with someone that makes you want to be a better person. Personally I wouldn't want to be with someone perfect. But hopefully this guy like you for who you really are, not who he wants you to be, or who you think he wants you to be. Communicate with him and tell him how you feel. That's the best thing that you can do. If he doesn't want to be with the real you. Someone else out there does. Keep your chin up. And keep posting.

I've learned that in life the only expectations you need to live up to are the ones that you have for yourself. As long as you do that, everything else will fall into place

I dated a guy like this and he was Christian and he got on my nerves. He used to make me feel bad because I wasn't a virgin and I had a child before marriage and when use to get in all types of debates. He was a virgin but from the way he talked you wouldn't think he was one or religious from the way he used to cursed person out.

In the long run it didn't last because I didn't agree with his views and I refused to be with someone who thought less of me and moved on and shortly after his I met my fiancé who accepts me for me and my daughter and treat us well. Don't ever be with someone that makes you think less of yourself.

Ask yourself this:

"Do I want to REALLY be with someone who doesn't like me, for ME?"

I think you already know the answer.

If you find yourself having to make yourself into what he wants then he probably isn't the guy for you... I would discuss how you feel about this first and if he doesn't respond well I would consider moving on. It's harsh advice, but if you are unhappy trying to meet perfect standards you will never be happy...

The fact that your posting this question here makes me feel like you think there is a problem with you and something you need to fix. I think you need to realize that the problem doesn't lie with you, it lies with him and his standards. Perhaps it isn't a problem at all, just an incompatibility... In any case, there appears to be a problem in the relationship...

So, what to do? Well, there isn't much you can do about it. He has his standards and while it appears that he is going to attempt to "look past it" this might cause problems in the future.

You can try to talk to him and tell him that you have noticed a change in his behavior towards you, tell him that it bothers you and ask him if it is a big enough problem to end the relationship.

Either way, just don't assume it is a problem with you. You can't change your past and him asking you to isn't fair. Don't bend over backwards to please someone else - as the others have said, it will get old eventually...

You think he is a keeper after only a month?? Give it 6, then you will know more. He already has you second guessing yourself, (RED FLAG!! )so word to the wise, be careful here. Not all christian men are good ones, nor are they keepers.

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Originally Posted by jjwoodhull

No one is perfect - including him. You were honest with him, which is the best thing you could have done. You can not change the past. If he breaks up with you because of this, then that is something else you have no control over. Be yourself and be honest. That's all you can do in any relationship.

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Complete agree with jjwoodhull. You were upfront and honest about yourself. That's better than the majority of people out there. If he has issues with your past, that is his problem. Either he is willing to accept it and not hold it against you or I say you move on to find someone who will. And it will be his loss.