I have 2 boys from a earlier marriage and 1 stepson from my current marriage. My oldest son has had a hard time with the divorce of his mom and I, and has made him disrespectfull and argumentitive to his stepmom. My wife and I get along great until my boys come home then she is a different person. I know that my son has not been the best but even when he does not mess up it is like he's doing wrong. It is almost like she does not want my two boys here. She says she loves them but I deeply question it. These actiones are tearing a hole in or marriage and I don't know how to handle it,I am at the end of the rope, any advice

Seeks family counseling. Your sons will learn to deal with the divorce and step mom, step mom will learn to deal with the sons. You also need to sit and speak to both of them. Tell them that their actions hurt you as their father and husband and man that you are. Tell the wife to ease up as well. She is the adult in this situation and she must find a better way of dealing with this. Good luck to you.

I agree... sometimes it takes quite a bit of time for stepfamilies to mesh, especially with older children. Talk it out with everyone, discuss expectations, boundries, etc.. Plan to have a family meeting every now and then to address any issues that may arise and celebrate the good changes in the adjustment to new family dynamics.

Hey Dad, your boys need you to set the boundaries for behavior, and be strict, and make them toe the line, no matter how they feel.

They will have to adjust, and get over their resentments, and that will take time, but its important to have a structure to which they can adhere to.

I think that will go a long way in taking you out of the middle of everyone else's feelings, if you set the bar fairly, and realistically.

Spend the time talking, and explaining what you expect firmly and often, and make everyone stick to it.

That doesn't mean dictate, but lead by example, and follow the rules yourself.