Separated and possibly regreting it
A co-worker / friend told me about this site and I'm kind of feeling of options at this point so here I go. I am 25 years old and I have two children of my own. I was married when I was 18 and divirced 2 years later (no children ouyt of that marriage). I remarried 2 years after that divorce. He had 2 boys 6 and 2 and they moved in with us and I took care of them. We decided a year after we got together that we wanted a child of our own so we started trying to get pregnant. We succeeded and had a girl. I was so so happy with life. That was July 24th well, nov 17th the same year we found out we were pregnant again... not so excited that time but I have a beautiful son now. Dec 20th we finally decied to get married. I thought everything was OK until 2 weeks after we were married I got child support papers in the mail for my husband. To make a long story short he had cheated on me and had a son that was 5 days older then my daughter (the first child that we were TRYING to have together) sorry, still a little angry about that. After a lot of crap we decide to work things out, went to counseling, moved out of state etc. It was hard and miserable for me. I felt like my marriage was a lie. That I was tricked into it and now I had two kids and was in love with his 2. Well, things were OK for about 4 months. I mean to say he was really trying for about 2 months. But I made him "pay for it" everyday in one way or another. Whether I was just in a bad mood cry for no reason or bring it up again and again. Not to mention the affect it had on our sex life. Well, slowly he got tired of it I'm sure and he stopped trying. He never wanted to be home. He would walk in from work change his shoes and go back outside to work on the truck or ride the 4 wheeler or he would go to the firestation that we vol. at. I felt alone all over again. So after months of this and a lot of thought I decided to leave. We split up for 2 mo and tried to work things out again which lasted for 2 weeks. Then he saw that I was text messaging his co-worker ( aguy) got jealous without talking to me about it got out of the car threw money at me and said get your own f*in apartment. (We were out looking for a place to move into and we were moving out of our place in two weeks.) So of course I followed him walking down the road trying to get him to get back in the car and he wouldn't and finally when I turned around the 5th time to go back and try to get him he was gone. I moved everything out of our house into a storage unit by myself. I found an apt with our 2 kids by myself. Then he wanted to work things out. At that point I wasn't willing to anymore. I was so angry and so hurt and I had to do all that on my own why turn back all the hard stuff was done. Oh, and I was texting his co worked about my husband because he wasn't talking to me I though the other guy would have some info and we were also friends. Which my ex realized and apologized for now. Anyway, I have been living on my own with my kids for 6 mo now. I dated one guy for a couple months and that didn't work out although were still friends. Then I started dating another guy who has been PERFECT. He is so magnificent in everyway and treats me better than any guy I have ever seen treat any woman. BUT... he is in iraq as a contracted medic until Dec. So the problem here is that in the past mo. Things with Corey (the new BF) have been getting more and more serious. However, I have been missing my family. I don't know why because until now I didn't miss the ex at all. He has been terrible since we split hasn't help financially and disappeared for 2 mo not seeing the kids at all even though he was in town and only live 15 minaway. He also lost his job and didn't get another one for a month and a half... while losing his apt in the process. I told Corey that we needed to take a break I need to get my head clear. I don't think its fair that he's madly in love with me and I am thinking about how I miss my family. What exactly I miss about it I am not so sure either. Maybe I'm just scared who knows. But I don't really know where to go from here and don't want to lose what could be the best guy I have ever known. I have also just set up an apt for counseling we'll see how that goes. PLEASE HELP...
Jessica
