I know that this probably is not the correct fourm for this, but I know that it is a highly answered forum so I hope you don't mind me posting my question here, but I am in desperate need of advice.

My friend tried to commit suicide on Thursday night last, she was my best friend for a few years but basically we drifted apart. She did some pretty mean things on me and some of my friends so we basically cut contact with her. Not in an evil way but contact gradually cut off.

My other friend found her as she was attempting to hang herself, and she told me that she was drunk and in a pretty bad way and was holding a picture of me. (we were best friends and she is god mother of my son)

I don't really know how to handle this, me and her and some other friends took her to watch a film tonight at it was OK.

But she has a bit of a problem with drink (not as far as a fully fledged alcoholic) and she is pretty slutty so she has a pretty bad name - we live in a very small community, and basically none of our friends (or me) trust her.

But I don't really know what to do, she is not very talkative, and would not really open up unless she was drinking which is one thing I want to avoid. I plan to keep in contact with her and doing things a few nights to keep busy but to be honest I don't really know how to handle this situation so I am wondering if anyone has any ideas.

There is no way that she could be convinced to go see a doctor or therapist or anything like that.

Never say never... doesn't her family care about what's going on... if you can show her that there are people out there that care about her no matter her faults she may listen and go for counseling.. good luck on this

Are you able to contact her family? It sounds like she is in need of some serious support here and her family would be my first choice as to the door to knock on. I would think they would want to know about how much distress she is in?

If not, can you locate A.A. or a "crisis helpline" of some sort (in my town, it's a simple matter of dialing 2-1-1) and talk to them. At the very least you will be able to give her these phone numbers and report that you did call and that talking to them was pleasant and productive. She may take your word for it and act on her own then. Fingers crossed!

If she is really refusing all forms of help though, and she is of legal age, then there may not be much you can do about it other than love her from a distance and watch yourself.

I am sad for her... because I was lost like that once too and it feels permanent when, in truth, it can be so temporary (if you are willing to allow the help to help).

I hope that helps.

First, while the story is most likely true, often those trying to kill thierself seriously will do it, not be found or stopped. So one has to also consider the fact that she was trying to find a way to mess with your head also.

First you have to remember that you have no control over others and their actions is never your fault. When I worked at the prison some years ago, it was common for inmates to "try" and kill thierself, normally for attention or to get into special housing because of debts owed, or they had prettier nurses in that ward.

Well I was going from cell to cell, and was about three cells from this one cell, well I got a phone call and had to return to the end of the cell block, well I guess the inmate did not see me walk off, well by the time I got back, it was too late. ( this story was related by the inmate in the next cell.)

I feel bad about it, but it was not my fault.

Next yes you can force her committemt ( or at least the person who found her and her closest family. They can go before a judge for a forced commitment. We used to do that for varoius people in Atlanta when I worked there with the police department all the times. And if we were called to an attempted sucicide, we automatically took them into the ward to be looked at for a mandatory 24 hour hold.
So yes there are things that can be done.

Drinking does not make you kill yourself, it only makes you drunk and more likely to do what you may have planned on doing before. So there is a two fold issue here, first a mental health issue and the drinking issue.

Also just from my studies, no documetation at my fingers, most women don't hang thierself, and very very few shoot thierself. ( disfigure their neck or head) most is done by pills or overdose.

You've got a very serious situation on your hands. If she won't voluntarily seek professional help that you should immediately seek legal counsel about having her committed for her own protection. This is not to be mean but to get her the help she needs, even if it's by force. Her problems are not going to go away by themselves. She is clearly a danger to herself which constitutes legal grounds for involuntary commitment. If steps are not taken now then the next attempt to take her own life may be "successful" and her blood will be on everyones' hands.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sarah11282

i know that this probably is not the correct fourm for this, but i know that it is a highly answered forum so i hope you don't mind me posting my question here, but i am in desperate need of advice.

My friend tried to commit suicide on thursday night last, she was my best friend for a few years but basically we drifted apart. She did some pretty mean things on me and some of my friends so we basically cut contact with her. Not in an evil way but contact gradually cut off.

My other friend found her as she was attempting to hang herself, and she told me that she was drunk and in a pretty bad way and was holding a picture of me. (we were best friends and she is god mother of my son)

i don't really know how to handle this, me and her and some other friends took her to watch a film tonight at it was ok.

but she has a bit of a problem with drink (not as far as a fully fledged alcoholic) and she is pretty slutty so she has a pretty bad name - we live in a very small community, and basically none of our friends (or me) trust her.

But i don't really know what to do, she is not very talkative, and would not really open up unless she was drinking which is one thing i want to avoid. i plan to keep in contact with her and doing things a few nights to keep busy but to be honest i don't really know how to handle this situation so i am wondering if anyone has any ideas.

There is no way that she could be convinced to go see a doctor or therapist or anything like that.

---

Firstly was it an attempt to kill herself or a cry for help?

Coz from what I'm reading it's a cry for help, meaning she is craving help, and attempting suicide is her way of telling friends and family HELP ME.

Suggest to her to go speak to Pyhscologist ASAP, she needs professional advice. She needs friends and family close as she is going through a very rough phases in her life.

Please view this link American Association of Suicidology - Dedicated to the Understanding and Prevention of Suicide

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Also just from my studies, no documetation at my fingers, most women don't hang thierself, and very very few shoot thierself. ( disfigure thier neck or head) most is done by pills or overdose.

---

Here are the 2001 stats.Suicide Facts and StatisticsSuicide Deaths, U.S. 2001*
Suicide was the 11th leading cause of death in the United States.
It was the eighth leading cause of death for males, and 19th leading cause of death for females.
The total number of suicide deaths was 30,622.
The 2001 age-adjusted rate** was 10.7/100,000 or 0.01 percent.
1.3 percent of total deaths were from suicide. By contrast, 29 percent were from diseases of the heart, 23 percent were from malignant neoplasms (cancer), and 6.8 percent were from cerebrovascular disease (stroke)?the three leading causes.
Suicides outnumbered homicides (20,308) by three to two.
There were twice as many deaths due to suicide than deaths due to HIV/AIDS (14,175).
Suicide by firearms was the most common method for both men and women, accounting for 55 percent of all suicides. More men than women die by suicide.
The gender ratio is 4:1.
73 percent of all suicide deaths are white males.
80 percent of all firearm suicide deaths are white males.
Among the highest rates (when categorized by gender and race) are suicide deaths for white men over 85, who had a rate of 54/100,000.
Suicide was the third leading cause of death among young people 15 to 24 years of age, following unintentional injuries and homicide. The rate was 9.9/100,000 or .01 percent.
The suicide rate among children ages 10-14 was 1.3/100,000 or 272 deaths among 20,910,440 children in this age group. The gender ratio for this age group was 3:1 (males: females).
The suicide rate among adolescents aged 15-19 was 7.9/100,000 or 1,611 deaths among 20,271,312 adolescents in this age group. The gender ratio for this age group was 5:1 (males: females).
Among young people 20 to 24 years of age, the suicide rate was 12/100,000 or 2,360 deaths among 19,711,423 people in this age group. The gender ratio for this age group was 7:1 (males: females).
Attempted Suicides
No annual national data on all attempted suicides are available.
Other research indicates that:
There are an estimated 8-25 attempted suicides for each suicide death; the ratio is higher in women and youth and lower in men and the elderly.
More women than men report a history of attempted suicide, with a gender ratio of 3:1.

Please, whether the suicide attempt is meant as sincere or is merely a ploy for attention is a slippery enough slope that is leveled only by defaulting to the side of caution. Take this girl's situation seriously. There is enough evidence here (suicide "staging"... sexual recklessness... drinking) to suggest she is in the kind of trouble that makes it very possible for any "faked" suicide to morph into a real one, okay? It would be tragic if she ends up dead while some debate is taking place.

Hi, Sarah,
After reading your question, then went back to "my friend tried to committ suicide", that stopped my reading it again.
Those are key words; regardless of anything else you said. You have some good answers previous to mine.
The only thing you can do is encourage her to go for Professional help. She needs to see a Professional. Be her friend, and try to get her to go.
Only she can say if she is an Alcoholic, I can't. If she can't stop drinking, not have another drink AT ALL, then she could be an Alcoholic. Ask her is she can go the rest of her life without having a drink of anything with alcohol. If she says "no", then she could have a problem.
There are just too many issues here for you, alone, or with your friends. She needs help from a Professional.
I do wish you the best, and good luck.

She has not opened up about the suicide to me yet, but she has said that she is not drinking alcohol anymore, and I know that she has visited our local GP for sleeping pills and probably depression tablets too, so hopefully she will be OK. Her family also know about this attempted suicide.

Hi! It is very sad that your "ex"best girl friend want to kill herself, but if she refuse to consult maibe she could try to phone Suicidal help 24hres 7 days.Only her can decide! Now for yourself I think id would be a good thing to phone at one of those center to reiceive a professionel help. I have read some of the answers and find in one, the phone number of a specialised help for suicidal people BUT also for the people around them. Do yoursef a gift and phone for help and support but for YOU, because in matters of life and death situation every body his very fragile and feel guilt off the worse kind, its call" TOXIC guilt". So watever "SHE" decided to do,it his her how choice if we can call that "choice" but you will have made yours! That his to take care of yourself! It his not selfish to take care of ourself and as a mother you should know that if you don't, nobody specialy your son has the power or should take you in charge! The only power we "have" on another human being except for a very young child his to try to influence his choice for what we think his a better life coma.Maibe part of you won't like my answer,its OKAY

I agree with u guys advice Professional help is needed in this situation. 4 guys I grew up with committed suicide. It a very serious matter.

Hello Sarah! How do you take care of you?
Your friend do or don't and watever her family try to help her his
Out of your reach! The only thing you can do is seak professional support for yourself (call you american suicidal association)and ask them to listen to your story, and listen to their advise! ACT now! Do not wait, its free and you will probably fell a lot better and learn much on suicide!

I laud you for your concern for your friend. BUT - you are not responsible for her attempt, nor her life. She played 'tricks' on you and other friends before you broke slowly away. She did not do anything to try and figure out why she got so much rejection and still kept on feeling sorry for herself all these years.

This is nothing you can fix for her. She needs professional help and only she can get it if she asks for it. To do this, she must realize that she wants to live, wants to get healthy, and wants to change her lifestyle. If not, she will continue to seek an escape route and there is nothing you or anyone else can do about it - especially if she continues to be self-destructive.

So, the only thing you can do is inform her of your concern, suggest she get help and let her take it from there.

When another person takes his/her life, or attempts to, it is painful for those related and those who were close. Most think, after the fact, that they MIGHT have been able to do something to prevent it, or they SHOULD have seen it coming...

If you did not see their plight, or they kept their problems well hidden from all, then how were you supposed to notice something as crucial as this?

PLEASE, PLEASE do NOT blame yourself or think that it's your responsibility to "fix" this problem for her. The only life you have any power over is your own!

Join a support group to help you get over this traumatic period in your life - and get the reassurance you need to know that none of this was your fault - it's important. Then, get back to your life and what you want out of it.

Good luck, and please keep us posted as to how you are doing.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

"BUT - you are not responsible for her attempt, nor her life. She played 'tricks' on you and other friends before you broke slowly away. She did not do anything to try and figure out why she got so much rejection and still kept on feeling sorry for herself all these years."

Chery you have no idea how true those words are about her. She did hurt a lot of people, and lost a lot of friends but rather than trying to sort her problems out she just kept on making more, and feeling sorry for herself.

I think that it would be pretty easy to sort herself out, but I think that firstly she has to admit to the fact that she did wrong, and try to right these things. And build up the trust with her friends etc again. I am pretty sure if she got all these problems sorted out she would not turn to drink as much either.

But I cannot have that conversation with her yet, I cannot tell her that she did wrong and that she really has to grow up and stop feeling sorry for herself, but to face up to the fact that she did wrong, and fix all the problems.

I don't think she would take it too well, as it sounds quite harsh. In fact it sounds a lot harsher than it is actually meant to be!

That "harsh" conversation can be softened by her talking to a stranger too. That way she loses no face with them. This was the reasoning behind why I advocated you call a few places, talk to them and when you see her again, give her the numbers you called with some encouraging words.

While she might not be pushed anywhere, she might be led where you have already been. All she needs to is hook up with someone who has been where she is and happily isn't anymore and she may take the initiative from there.

Just a thought.. .

I think chillen with her for a while is the best thing for now. You don't want to push and tick her off in any way. If she was holding your picture maybe its you she needs the attention from.Maybe she misses you. Despite the hurtful things she has done to you, her cry for help is to you. She is obviously asking you for help before her family. If you can't get through to her that you problems are in the past, and you still love her and she doesn't have to do that, than maybe you should bring her family into it, but not until you try your hardest first.

I'd like to mention first, that she is not your responsibility - she might have held your picture for different reasons, not necessarily as a cry for help from you specifically.
But it was definitely a cry for help.
She doesn't know exactly what to do with herself because she lives in denial - that's what chery described in her letter, and you agreed with her, in your answer . When someone lives in denial, it's impossible for this person to admit what went wrong and where. It's so mixed up, and these persons are so fragile. She probably missed you, and felt remorse, not necessarily guilt, only a professional can help. It's better of she doesn't open this box with any of the people close to her, she needs to talk with someone who'll know how to handle this issues, without personal involvement.
In the long run, you'll feel better for helping her, though her life is not your responsibility.
Her family, and you, can get her to get this help, especially now that she's seen the gp 9who can help a lot on this matter)
Please take good care of yourself - you need a lot of professional support,
Millie

Hi sarah.. I can't really help when it comes to the fact that she hurt a lot of people because that id say she firstly has to realise she's wrong and hurting people..
Suicide.. that I can talk about more. I had to deal with suicide a number of times.. friends would tell me they want to and attempt.. another one would phone me up crying.. luckily I made my best to stop them even if at times I felt it was for attention. Suicide can never be tackled as something you don't blv he or she can actually do. You always have to try stopping her.
I have been through it too. I used to be really depressed and all I wanted to do was jump off a cliff.. the thing that stopped me was something a person just happened to tell me. I never really spoke to anyone telling them that I want to commit suicide or anything. But this person once told me... ''ppl are heard screaming from miles away right after they jump.. they must regret it right away'' true or not I don't know but it was the only thing that stopped me.

Hope I helped a bit
Just don't let it effect you too much love life!