My fiancé and I go tin an argument this past weekend and he said f*** the wedding and f*** this relationship, the wedding is off. And this was all because I would not come to an agreement about how much time I would spend don the phone when we get married. The very next day he acted like nothing happened and then late ron that night turned around and called me a b**** and told me that he hoped that I burned in hell and f*** you and the horse that you rode in on. Now wha tis so strange is that we have been dating for 2 1/2 year and all of a sudden he has gone crazy.

He has apologized numerous times and says that he will never do that again. And he loves me with all his heart and he want to get married , I know that he is sorry, but the only thing that I hear in my head all day is "b**** "and "hope that you burned in hell" and f*** you and the horse that you rode in on."

Can we resolve our issues by July 8th and should I get married.

Please someone respond.

Thanks,
I am getting cold feet !

Hi,

It does sound like you two have serious issues you need to work out before you get married. Some things to think about: Would he go to a counselor? Does he always have this dirty of a mouth? Is he going through stress in his life (although this doesn't excuse his horrid treatment of you) like job stress or a death in the family? Have you been riding him especially hard lately over the wedding or other nitpicky things because you are nervous?

No matter how much he apologizes, he is wrecking your self-esteem and this is something you do not want to live the rest of your life with. Put yourself first and have a talk with your fiancé. If he doesn't want to or he doesn't agree that there is some deeper issue here, listen to your gut and get out. Whether you two can "resolve your issues" is up to the both of you.

Hope this helps.

Yes, it sounds like first you too are trying to work out a life plan, how much time you will spend on the phone?? Well if you were neglecting your homelife, then all that is causing it is too much.

But if he normally does not use words like this, either he is finally showing his true behavior, and you are first getting to know him. What happens often is that while dating, we put on this big front, of who we want to be, or who we thing the other person is. Sadly in a dating situation, we hardly know each other after a year. ( oddly enough often online relationshiops cause couples to talk more and they are more open online, since they are not face to face.

But yes serious counseling needs to be done work out these issues.

I know that premarriage counseling is acually required some places, and in TN if you don't, you pay more for your marriage licence. I do general marriage counseling, but that is merely to help the others know each other,not work out the issue. You need what is basically marriage counseling,

I would be careful if I were you sweetie. It obviously sounds that this is not typical of him or of his "normal" behavior. It sounds like he is sorry and maybe his anger/temper got the best of hime this time.. BUT.. just be aware that this may be a glimpse into your future with him. I've noticed in peoples relationships even my own.. that the DATING part of a relationship and the ENGAGEMENT/ MARRIED part of a relationship can show very different sides to a person. People when they are dating can usually put up there best behavior.. but when marriage comes into play or engagement.. they know they have you and your not going anywhere.(or so they think) and a totally different personality can show through.

Im not saying not to marry him. Just be aware.. if this happens continuously over and over again you may want to hold off on marrying him. This could be a sighn of verbal and emotional abuse and you don't want that. What he said was wrong despite what the argument was about. And in many ways that could be taken as verbal abuse. Just be careful honey.. look for the signs and make a smart decision. Because if he turns out to be someone you didn't think he was you need to get out of the relationship.. good luck to you.

If you marry this guy, then I don't know who's crazier, you or him. He's the last person in the world that I'd want any woman I care about to spend her life with. He obviously has some serious anger issues to confront and deal with. Until he does I wouldn't touch him with a 10-foot pole.

You both should have counceling before you tie the knot.Very intense long counceling!

Sounds to me like if you two marry you had better get yourself a entire herd of horses because you are going to be riding off on horses for the rest of your marriage.Why in the world would you take that from a guy? I would not take that from a person that I did not like and surely would not take it from a man that I was thinking of marrying. You are worth more that him. So mark off the last 2 and 1/2 years and find someone that respects you.

My wife is a hot blooded, in your face italian and I am a tell it like it is irish guy who sometimes says things he regrets later. We are very happy, and the number of hot arguments we've had in 8 years could be counted on maybe two hands, probably not one.

But of those arguments, id say there were 2-3 where f*%k was thrown around in anger. Never called her names, though I think she's called me an a$$ a time or two, when I WAS acting like one, I admit. And most of the really hot arguments were in the first 1-2 years of marriage... when you're still figuring things out.

What concerns me about your situation is the comment about the marriage. While I think all of the other comments are innapropriate and unacceptable, tossing around insults about the marriage is a red flag in my book.

Might be nerves. Could very well be.

But you need to have a serious talk with him about the marriage. I'm not saying that he isn't sorry, and I'm not saying that the wedding should be called off. But that's just a big, big deal to me. Its hard enough, even in a good marriage, sometimes to keep your focus on the promises you make.

The fact that he cursed the wedding might be stress over the ceremony... but to say F this relationship... that's flat out selfish disrespect. It was more important for him to curse your relationship outloud for you to hear than it was for him to bite his tongue and respect the relationship.

And sometimes in a marriage you need to simply bite your tongue until it almost bleeds out of respect for your spouse.

Its naïve to think that there will not be other stressful points in the marriage... and I'm worried about the insult and then ignore ploy. It isn't OK and you deserve to be treated better than that, and you need to demand it.

There seems to be a little bit too much negativity about the fiancé. I do agree that what he said was out of line but men have there moments and it doesn't mean he is going to be like that forever. If this is an acuring thing (which it doesn't sound like) things need to be done but if it was a 1 off I wouldn't be too concerned. Stress does a lot to people especially if you are to tie the knot. He is having second thoughts just like you. It is a big decission. I think all you need to do is talk to him and let him know how you feel. From his re-action you will be able to determine if you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Trust within yourself!

I agree with KP2171 as I'm mediterrean - very very hot blooded too and I do admit I have a short temper, when I'm pissed I'm well pissed off and sometimes when my husband gets on my nerves I feel the blood rushing through my head (God I hope I don't sound mad) but I never ever called names, never ever. If I feel I want to I close myself in a room and exploded alone. Never could I call anyone I love a b*tch or a w*nker or anything.

So in my eyes, he should no respect to you, your relationship and even your future wedding.

To just say F**k off is different to cursing the wedding..

Now we can't answer you question whether you should marry him or not, that's your choice. Though I do believe that everyone deserves and second chance, just be careful.

Hi,
You have some good answers.
Two and a half years is plenty of time to get to know someone; building a good relationship based on compromise, trust, love, caring, and wanting the other to be happy.
My first marriage ended in Divorce after 7 yrs. Three years after that, re-married now for 29 yrs. To a wonderful woman.
I am sorry to read about this. Your fiance` has a problem, as you are well aware. Either he is on drugs, Alcohol, really doesn't want to get married, or something else is wrong, with normal body chemistry.
Something like this doesn't happen overnight without a good reason. If you want to save this relationship, as others suggested, go with him, together, to a Counselor, talk about it with someone else.
If he refuses, try talking him into getting a thorough Physical Exam by a Doctor.
If he refuses that, your relationship is over.
NO, I would postpone the wedding until you find out what's going on. Best of luck to you.

If you have doubts, you definitely should push back the wedding date. You should have no qualms about the person you are committing your life to.

You should know this guy well enough to determine if your fiancé is under stress and frustrated and "lost it" as a one-off occurrence. - Or - Heed this as a warning sign of what your future with this guy might hold. In a sense, the pressure is off once you are married... as others have suggested.

Personally... I'd post pone the weddig now. This TWICE in a very short period he has blown up.

I have a STRONG feeling this won't get any better - and probably worse when you are married.

This is called VERBAL ABUSE. It is VERY unhealthy. Very unhealthy.

You need to defintely figure out if yu've seen the monster and if this is going to continue.

"CAT -Your right no matter the cause verbal abuse needs to be treated ,the sooner the better!:cool:

Verbal Abuse can be just as bad or even worse than physical abuse.

Dated a women once who I found out a few months in had gone thorough a lot verbal abuse in her 1st marriage. She was pretty much ruined by this and didn't know any better - couldn't handle me because I don't deal in that.

That's why she is coming here. She feels bad about and knows it's not right. Why would go through a marriage like that? With the chance of that?

I had/have a similar issue. My former fiancé and now sometimes boyfriend are experiencing fights where he can get very mean with his words and frequently twists what the issue is back to my past mistakes I made when we were first dating. (I did go out w/ a former once/ok twice) but then made up my mind to focus on he and I. The red flags came up when he would get angry-once I was left in a restaurant, with no ride home. He has thrown a drink on me in public, and has tossed TWO of my cell fones in water because he thought a man was trying to contact me. The second time one was, but I hadn't talked to him in a year, and he was just TMing to see if I was available. I said not, then ended it. I told "Bob", and threw my phone in the ocean.
Each time I get treated like this, I had been in a city where the only person I know is my former. I call him to come get me. I know... wrong decision... but Bob scares me when he gets this angry.
On my BD this year... we hadn't been seeing each other, but he took me out to dinner for my BD. I left the table at the end of the meal to use the ladies room and on the way saw 2 people I hadn't talked to in over a year. THey made me sit and chat. I could see Bob, and was no more than 15 ft away. When he got up I made eye contact with him, and was getting ready to motion him to come over, and he just glared and left. I had to run out to make sure he didn't leave me. HE then told me how rude it was to leave him like that. I was gone for TEN minutes. It takes at least 7 to go to the bathroom... so we're talking about an extra 3 minutes. He goes from loving me to screaming at me. I end up feeling worthless.. and I have two degrees and teach at the college level.

Well the original asker has not responded since May. I wonder how it all went. I also wonder why spending time on the phone was an issue. Nothing validates that kind of verbal abuse but perhaps she spent an inordinate amount of time on the phone, detrimental to a relationship.

Coronodo
For a college person you sure take a lot of crap from an immature boy and I don't care what you say are his good points. His behavior is unacceptable and if you continue this relationship despite knowing what he's capable of... how smart do you think that is?? DUHHHHHHHH!

It sounds to me like he is either doing drugs or drinking. I have a friend that I tell him when he drinks he gets voluntary turret syndrome. He sounds like her boyfriend. He has thrown his girlfriend's phone out the window. Super jealous, I think that kind of abuse could easily turn into physical at some point. When he is sober he is a different person.

Coronado...

WHY would you ever put up with this CRAP?? Do you enjoy the drama??
You must - because your boyfriend is a nut job. You must enjoy verbal abuse... maybe that's the way you were brought up?

Get this guy out of your life - you're much smart than that.

That is completely verbal abuse and it isn't healthy at all.

Do you not know any better?