Hello everyone, well I have been with my boyfriend for 3 months. He has a group of friends, guys and girls, one of the girls is his ex they were together for 8 months the lived together. I had a big problem with him being friends with his exes the last ex he was with he mentioned she was crazy but still had her as his myspace friend. One day the ex who he lived with called him at 11 30 pm to tell him she broke up with her boyfriend I thought that's was rude of her we fought and ended it after a month. 2 days later he slept with his last gf(the one he said was crazy) then called me and told me he slept with her but that wanted me back. I forgave him and we were together after a week of him begging, but I am not over it, I think about it all the time, I hate her and I always have these thoughts he is texting her he says in is defence that we were broken up so its not cheating that he thought he would never get back with me but sleeping with her made him realize he wanted to be with me. What do I do with all these thoughts and anger I still have??

Yes he can throw the technicality card in there and say you guys broke up so it wasn't cheating but it had only been two days! So how much did it really bother him? Honestly if you were on his mind and the break up was that fresh then how could he? Okay OK maybe I'm not being fair and maybe it was a spur of the moment thing and she threw herself at him. The thing is every time they talk I bet it feels like it's being thrown in your face again.

Normally I'd say it's great to be able to stay friends and an occasional hello or something is no big deal but am I wrong in assuming this sounds like they are in daily contact? If so I think that's overstepping the boundaries I mean honestly if the friendship with her is threatening your relationship with him he could at least talk with you about it and you two could agree on some boundaries if he refuses to end the friendship. Also the thing that sucks is this all could be very innocent (doubt it) but you never know... and you are the one who either has to learn to deal and put up with it or just say goodbye if he's unwilling to budge. I never would have been as forgiving and taken him back in the first place.

First question, no it's not cheating as you broke up with him so he is right in that regard.

Second, when you took him back, that was a silent agreement to not hold anything above each others heads anymore. No way will a relationship work if you bring old problems into the relationship. You two need to communicate about boundaries in the relationship or it's just going to fail again.

AZ, it is very possible for ex's to be friends, 2 of my ex's are great friends of mine and nothing would ever happen between us again. And I'll even pull the whole drunk card because we have been pretty wasted at parties or a bar and nothing happened.

Your heart made you take his azz back, but your mind is Pizzed at you, for giving in so easy. I have to agree with your mind, as you were much to forgiving, to fast, for your own good.

After only 3 months, and all the drama so far, better to have walked away from it all.

Although I agree with Tal, pretty much down the middle, that wasn't your question.

You've already decided to forgive him, you seem to be aware of his ability to break you with long enough to get some joy on the side, then come back to you... so... OK.

"What do I do with all these thoughts and anger I still have????" Get used to them.

When you buy something, you take ownership of it. If you bought a car from a reputable used car salesman and he TOLD you ahead of time it had a flaky transmission, fretting and worrying about the transmission would be understandable, so buying that car anyway means GET USED to the feelings of worry. It's what you've chosen.

You can forgive. Love wants to forgive. But you can't forget, your intelligence won't allow it. So, live with that paradox of forces, it's what you've said you want.

Either you can balance these conflicts inside you out and deal with it (and thus stay with him), or you can't.

Oh my gosh guys thank you all sooo much!! azdesertchick, just to clerify there are 2 ex'es in the story the one he slept with he says he no longer talks to (even delited her from his myspace) but the other one (the one he was with for 8 months before the one he slept with) is the one he still talks to and he always tells me that him and her have never had or will do anything. I just don't like her cause she is always texting him calling him for silly things.
When I read what talaniman answered it brought great pain to my heart and tears to my eyes because he/she is right! But as I read jbeaucare answered it brought great confort and a sense of "okay, these are my options pick one, and live with it! thank you thank you thank you. Now, i know i regret forgiven him so soon but I do love him and i can see he loves me so here i am. and if i simply can't keep going i will take my time and leave when im ready. for now, I want to work on "us" and put the past behind me always alert though.

Love is a motivation. Treat it as such. DUMB love, or stupid love, or mindless love, or blind love... none of these are worth the trouble. Make sure your common sense is not shelved during this process.

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Originally Posted by miriwonders

Hello everyone, well I have been with my boyfriend for 3 months. He has a group of friends, guys and girls, one of the girls is his ex they were together for 8 months the lived together. I had a big problem with him being friends with his exes the last ex he was with he mentioned she was crazy but still had her as his myspace friend. one day the ex who he lived with called him at 11 30 pm to tell him she broke up with her bf i thought thats was rude of her we faught and ended it after a month. 2 days later he slept with his last gf(the one he said was crazy) then called me and told me he slept with her but that wanted me back. I forgave him and we were together after a week of him begging, but i am not over it, i think about it all the time, i hate her and i always have these thoughts he is texting her he says in is defence that we were broken up so its not cheating that he thought he would never get back with me but sleeping with her made him realize he wanted to be with me. what do i do with all these thoughts and anger I still have????

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This reminds me of the ross and rachel situation in friends, we were on a break.
Anyway back to the advise.
You wasn't together but it still going to hurt you and make you angry because it makes you think if there is still something there.
The one thing a relationship needs to survive anything is trust.
So you need to ask yourself do you trust this guy.
Do you trust him not to do this again when you are together.
I always believe in second chances with every situation and I have been cheated on twice (by two different guys who I am no longer with) and I know it hurts but do you trust him that he will never do this again, you should talk about it, communication is another key thing a relationship, if it bothers you let him know instead of keeping it in, if you don't say anything then he will think everything is all right

We were on a brake!!

I'm sorry I had to put that in there. Nothing funny about what happened though. Cheating aside it was just plane rude what he did to you. That means he shows no respect for you or your relationship if he could sleep with someone so fast after you guys broke up.

You know you should not have given in

Regards

I think you don't trust him and want to erase reality.

Best plan is to have the guts to move on if you are still pissed... life is not long enough to waste it on torturing yourself.

Yeah there is more to the story now. Its been 2 months after him sleeping with her and weird but we both had to be out of the places we were renting (oviously separate places) so we moved in together since its cheaper this way... I know now it was wrong to take him back and I guess in a way I'm more scared of being alone that standing up for mself and forget about the person. Today after all the good advise on here, I am in another state of mind, I understand who he is and where I stand I'm super broke so I can't leave so I'm saving saving saving and after that you all know what my next step will be

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

First question, no it's not cheating as you broke up with him so he is right in that regard.

Second, when you took him back, that was a silent agreement to not hold anything above each others heads anymore. No way will a relationship work if you bring old problems into the relationship. You two need to communicate about boundaries in the relationship or it's just going to fail again.

AZ, it is very possible for ex's to be friends, 2 of my ex's are great friends of mine and nothing would ever happen between us again. And I'll even pull the whole drunk card because we have been pretty wasted at parties or a bar and nothing happened.

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Yeah I do agree it's possible to be friends with ex's I guess what I was saying (which doesn't matter now hehe because she clarified that the ex he slept with is not the same one he's in contact with) was that it's innapropriate if it were he slept with her then got back together with Miri but still had contact with the ex. I think that would cause a lot of problems. But yeah now that it's been clarified it makes a little bit more sense that she either has to forgive and forget or move on. They'd both be miserable if she stayed bitter.

I just wanted to add don' be mad at the ex because she only does what he allows and she must not be as crazy a he claims if he is still having contact with her. It is up to him to set boundaries in the friendships he have with them. If he knows that if they call after 11pm it will cause a problem between your two, it is up to him to talk to them about it. He is with you, not them.

Well guys I think I'm having a real issue now, it's the old saying "its me not you" she made her profile public so I looked into it and I found that she looks A LOT like me!! This made me feel so much pain and made me ask why did I even look at her profile? Why do I keep hurting myself?? Am I bitter? Am I stupid? My car broke down so I'm stuck at home alone and now have these thoughts of anger and tears rolling down my face I mean the girl is 5'8 has a curvy body with a flat tummy and a nice butt!! It makes me feel like, why did he find smeone(me) looks like her is he said he never really wanted to be with her since she's crazy?? And all his male buddies said they never liked her, where they liying?? I don't know but I need to stop this its hurting me too much! Last night I talked to him about it he said he didn't know what else to do that it was a mistake and that he was hurt and knows it was wrong he said "if you want me to tell you everyday that im sorry for the rest of our lives i will" I told him I simply could not understand how could he say and be so sweet say I love you, but days later, just because we called it off sleep with another one...

Stop worrying about that crap! She is the past, you are the present and future. Don't compare yourself to someone like that, just because she's pretty doesn't mean she's beautiful. Her personality could be out of control!

You obviously don't recognize your need for the space to deal with your own feelings, and until you do, guess what? You will be miserable. Your call.

He is cheating.... that's retarded~ you need to forget him

Hey guys I want to look up that friends scene you all are talking about "but we were on a brake" anyone know how I can find it on YouTube?

Hahahahaaa I found it! Oh my gosh its so what happened to me!! I see the humor on it now except they continued fighting and braking up about it and I want to stay with my love and live happy... lol Friends, I love it!

If u trust him, get back