I have just been contacted by a woman that I have not heard from in over 11 years. She is claiming that I am the father of a child that she had shortly after discharge from military service in 1996. We dated for about 1 month and the time and had an incident one night resulting in a broken condom incident. She originally said I was the father and put my name on the child's birth documentation. At this time I asked for proof of paternity via a DNA test at the request of my mother. She refused, became very upset, and promptly asked me to sign an affidavit removing myself from the child's birth documents and stated that I was not the father and said she would never contact me again regarding the child. Since that time she has had another child, married and has another child from a previous relationship (prior to ours). She has contacted me today to let me know how much this child "looks like me" after over 11 years. In actuality, the child does bear some resemblance to me, however, I am not sure about the validity of her claims. I have since married and have not had any other children. My wife and I make a good living and have recently purchased a new home. I am very concerned that this woman is after money because of some of the "desperate" nature of a personal blog that she has posted. I have not responded to her, but I am fearing the worst. My question is, if this child is mine, and paternity was never established, can I be charged now for the past 11 years of paterninty? Also, should I respond? What happens if I ignore her claim completely and she proceeds to establish legal action against me? If the children have been adopted by her husband, am I still liable for the support? Does this affect my wife? If the child has not been adopted by her husband, what happens then? If it helps, I live in California (and have all of my life) and she lives in Washington D.C. (and to my knowledge has lived there all of her life.) Which states laws are enforced?

Where ever the child was born would have jurisdiction unless one of you petitioned for a change (which it dosen't sound like happened). You can respond or not but if she does go to court for support the judge will order DNA testing at one of their approved labs. Then if the results come back showing you are the father then you will be ordered to pay support (not likely back support though because she waited this long to file). You could always go to court to request the DNA test and visitation if you are the father. As for the adoption thing he wouldn't have been able to adopt the children with out their bio fathers signatures or other requirements the court would have made her do but basically I don't see any chance that he adopted them with out you knowing. (unless someone else was already proven to be the father)

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Originally Posted by Andre3000909

I have just been contacted by a woman that I have not heard from in over 11 years. She is claiming that I am the father of a child that she had shortly after discharge from military service in 1996. We dated for about 1 month and the time and had an incident one night resulting in a broken condom incident. She originally said I was the father and put my name on the childs birth documentation. At this time I asked for proof of paternity via a DNA test at the request of my mother. She refused, became very upset, and promptly asked me to sign an affidavit removing myself from the childs birth documents and stated that I was not the father and said she would never contact me again regarding the child. Since that time she has had another child, married and has another child from a previous relationship (prior to ours). She has contacted me today to let me know how much this child "looks like me" after over 11 years. In actuality, the child does bear some resemblance to me, however, I am not sure about the validity of her claims. I have since married and have not had any other children. My wife and I make a good living and have recently purchased a new home. I am very concerned that this woman is after money because of some of the "desperate" nature of a personal blog that she has posted. I have not responded to her, but I am fearing the worst. My question is, if this child is mine, and paternity was never established, can I be charged now for the past 11 years of paterninty? Also, should I respond? What happens if I ignore her claim completely and she proceeds to establish legal action against me? If the children have been adopted by her husband, am I still liable for the support? Does this affect my wife? If the child has not been adopted by her husband, what happens then? If it helps, I live in California (and have all of my life) and she lives in Washington D.C. (and to my knowledge has lived there all of her life.) Which states laws are enforced?

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Is it possible though that because I signed the affidavit that removed me from the birth certificate and the form also asked me to relinquish my parental rights that it would not be necessary for me to be notified in the case of adoption?

You can not just sign away your rights. That is a pretty common misunderstanding on this board. If her husband wanted to adopt then the bio father would have to allow the adoption other wise he could come back and the adoption would be nullified. Therefore he either didn't adopt or someone else was already proven to be the bio dad.

What if Paternity has never been established. She denied me a paternity test initially when I tried to establish?

If paternaty was never established she would have had to identify the possible fathers then they would have been sent notices from the court or her lawyer because for all adoptions lawyers are required. If you want to know then just file a petition in court for paternaty and visitation she will have to submit to it. I'm not even sure what your question is anymore because you keep trying to come up with ways that she was adopted even after you found out that isn't true. Are you trying to find a way out of supporting her if she is yours?

No, I am not necessarily try to get out of providing support if she is mine. I am not interested in being charged back support as I tried to handle this properly over 11 years ago. I am not 100% sure what relationship I want to have with the mother or the child at this point. I am married now, and am planning a family of my own, and I do not want this woman's actions and this possible child to now derail what I am building now. I am trying to protect myself financial first and foremost because I am not even sure her contact is about the child's well being or our relationship (Father/Daughter) as much as it is just about finances specifically.

Well then do yourself a favor and hire a lawyer. Go to court and have the test done. Then you will know how much money you will be spending on support if she is yours. The judge isn't likey to order back support because she waited 11 years to file. Once you are awarded visitation you don't have to use that right if you don't want but you will have to pay support. So basically, if you want to be able to accurately plan for the future then go to court to file yourself rather than waiting around for her to do it.

Okay - make copies of the blog - like take a screen shot and save it. This gal is nuts. So this is the problem you have. She had your name on the birth certificate - DNA or not - you're it according to most states. That's why TEXAS won't let a mother just put a name on the BC anymore - the man has to do it himself. Another interesting note is that if this woman was married at the time she gave birth with another man's child - her husband would be the legal father - at least in Texas.

Okay - so your problem is this - back child support. Well, she can't get it unless she takes you to court and gets an order for you to submit DNA. Without the court ordering you to pay you don't owe for now - and without DNA showing you're the father - you don't owe at all.

Hope you have that thing you signed too. It won't really help you and you'll have to pay back child support usually if it's proven to be your child - BUT you could maybe argue that she's married and she wanted you to relinquish rights - she refused the DNA you requested - do you have proof of that request? I don't think you'll get out of paying though - states want the kids to have the money. HOWEVER if you do have to pay - try to ask the courts for a custodian other than the mother for the money so that you know she's not out blowing it.

This is a really rotten situation and I'm sorry for both you and this gal's kids. You have to do your research through your state custody laws - online at your state website and get an attorney - even with the attorney you still need to really research the laws and see what you can do for yourself.

Hate to tell you this - if she goes through the DNA routine - you'll be paying. You could however skip the country and if she can't find you for the DNA then you don't pay.

Hmmmmmmm - guess Dr. Laura was right - don't screw around unless you want a baby. Wish I could give you hope - but the best you can hope for is she doesn't have the money to take you to court for the DNA or if all that goes down you find a great kiddo you'll enjoy a relationship with for the rest of your life and who knows - maybe she's a bad mom and you can have the kiddo full time and then owe less support.


Good Luck!

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Originally Posted by Andre3000909

No, I am not neccesarily try to get out of providing support if she is mine. I am not interested in being charged back support as I tried to handle this properly over 11 years ago. I am not 100% sure what relationship I want to have with the mother or the child at this point. I am married now, and am planning a family of my own, and I do not want this womans actions and this possible child to now derail what I am building now. I am trying to protect myself financial first and foremost because I am not even sure her contact is about the childs well being or our relationship (Father/Daughter) as much as it is just about finances specifically.

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Ok to answer a few questions on this: In some states and in some courts you can be liable for paying back support. In Cali that mean plus interest of 10% per year. So you might be looking at $200,000 - $400,000 if it goes through Cali courts. The courts won't care if you tried.. If you try to put food on the table everyone starves. If you do put food on the table everyone eats. So good intentions in this case don't look good enough in court. You need to do as others have said and start being pro-active in your case. Get the DNA testing done through the courts. At this point until you do everything is water under the bridge. Rather then waiting ( which is unfair to you and your spouse ) you need to take care of business now. That fact that she informed you 11 years ago of a possible child and you did nothing isn't going to sit well so now is the time to get going.