Hi guys,
I’m in need of some advice about my marriage. I apologise in advance for the long-winded version.
My husband and I married 2 years ago after a 3-year relationship. We are from diffent countries and cultures. I became pregnant shortly afterwards and we were both happy and he treated me like a queen all through the pregnancy. I had an emergency c-section and needed a bit of help after the birth, he began to get distant and a bit resentful I think. He had no experience of babies what so ever. He was an only child and had never even held a baby before. He played a bit too roughly with our newborn and I would nag him about this, the more I corrected him the more he seemed to ignore me and play rougher.
When our baby was under a month old the following incident happened.
He wanted to play with the baby, she was crying and wanted to be fed. I explained that it was her feed time, she was hungry. I and took her from him to breast feed her. He pulled her back to him roughly by the leg. The he began to shake her like a rag doll and he looked toward the window contemplating throwing her towards it. I screamed loudly and this seemed to awaken him. I grabbed her from him and ran to bedroom. I was terrified her would follow and kill her. She did not cry but was shaking from the shock, I was shaking also. I breast fed her to comfort her and rang my mother to come asap.
My mother arrived soon afterwards and I gave the baby to her telling her to take her home. He calmly put the carrycot on the pram and packed her nappy bag as if nothing happened.
I stayed a while, he did not say sorry. I packed a few things and left him. 2 weeks later he went back to the UK. He went on a retreat to “clear his head” and reflect on what he had done. He said he was sorry but only after a few weeks. He e-mailed me and rang every day. He wanted me to move to the UK as planned with our daughter.
5 months later I finally went to the UK with my daughter. And yes I was so scared but I felt like I had to give him a second chance to make it up to us. He was wonderful to our daughter her and adored her. Seven months on after moving there I never left him alone with her even once. I’m still a bit scared I suppose. Although they have bonded.
My daughter and I are back home for a family visit. However before I came home he I annoyed him and broke the babies pushchair and after another nagging from me he trashed my suitcase all within 2 days. He did these acts with a sense of calmness. While he was smashing the pushchair I asked him “ what are you doing”. He said calmly “am breaking this”
Now I'm home I’m a bit scared to go back. He has decided to buy us a new home and is currently looking and updating me everyday. I don’t know what to do. Also I can no longer bear to have sex with him. I make excuses or just grin and bear it pretending it’s enjoyable. I do love him but something died inside when he attacked our baby and I can't seem to forgive him. I want to protect my daughter more than anything.
Help me please I don’t know what to do for the best.