Hello all,
Here's my story. Sorry for the length.
So, about a few years ago, I met this girl, she was great and finally someone I wanted to be with. Only thing, she had joined the Peace Corps 2 weeks before we met. We continued dating for about a year and a half because we loved each other. I knew it would be hard to let go, but I just wanted to enjoy my time with her and not think about it.
She end up leaving and doing her thing, we kept in contact for a while, I even went to visit her in the 9 months there(it was amazing, we had so much fun).

A couple months after my visit, out of the blue, she calls me up and tells me I should move on. It was hard and was upset, but I knew it was probably for the best if we just remained friends and let her just do her thing and find herself. So, I moved on and dated other women- nice women, but couldn't find the connection.

This past Christmas she comes home for a visit and I was apprehensive about seeing her, I wanted to see her, but I was still upset and hurt. Yep, you guessed it, I saw her, and we reconnected and it was amazing again- like we were never apart... I never had that feeling with anyone. She completely voiced her love for me and, although I was apprehensive, I did the same, knowing that it wouldn't be much longer until she came back. During that visit she stayed most of her time with me and also was adamant about me going and visiting her again to shorten our time apart.

I went back and visited her. Again, it was an amazing time, we had so much fun and reaffirmed our love for each other. So, after my visit we kept our contact very stable and consistent- 1-2 times a week with skype, e-mails and letters when she was around a computer. Every time we talked she expressed how much she loves me and wants to make it work etc...

Here's the bad:
She's done her service and is traveling her way back to the States and then back home.
Last week I got an e-mail from her saying that "she been thinking a lot and there's a bunch of stuff she wants to discuss in person". I wrote back and told her not to leave me hanging like that, but I actually have no idea when she'll be able to write or call back, since there's limited avenues of communication where she is.

Am I an idiot for waiting this long? I could have just let her go the first time.

What would you do? I feel I definitely deserve an explination to my face, but God that's another 50 something days. I feel like the biggest fool.

If you did, thanks for reading.

Take care.

All you can do is wait to hear what she has to say. No one is a mind reader, expect the worst but hope for the best is what I've always done. Just wait and see my friend

Long distance relationships rarely ever work out. After giving this relationship a go,
You've now found that out for yourself. :(

You also mention,that,there's "a bunch of stuff she wants to discuss in person". BUT
You actually have no idea when she'll be able to write or call back, since there's limited avenues of communication where she is... :(

I'm quite sure,that,if there was a way to talk to her,most of the effort would be on
your part :(

This is where it went all wrong...

Quote:

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Yep, you guessed it, I saw her, and we reconnected and it was amazing again

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She became your ex and you reconnected with her >>> you broke the NO CONTACT rule.
Another lesson you'll need to put down to experience!!

I am assuming that the girl wants you to go with other females because she's rarely available...

We all wish for the fun you have had, but its obvious you didn't put things in there proper perspective, and got hooked on a feeling. That's why its important to keep your life balanced, and healthy, because right now, your doing nothing but assuming, with no feedback, or communications, from her. So this is something you have built for yourself, and its you who must deal with it. Live your life that makes you happy without her, and stop worrying what she has to say. What matters is what your doing now, for yourself.

How about "forgetting about her" and moving on as if she doesn't exist for now. In 50 days, when she comes back and wants to talk, talk to her and see what she has to say. If you move on and act as if there is nothing there, you will be none the worse off if she comes back and says she wants to go separate ways...

**UPDATE**
In case anyone out there is remotely interested in this story.
Well, I just received an e-mail from her. It was very clear, fair and honest.
She basically said she loves me, but there's something not right about it. Funny thing,
The more I dug into my own reasons for being with her, the more I realized that I had been holding on to the idea of her- not actually her. It's weird, if you can understand that. I love her, but I've seen her a total of about 1 month in 2 years. How could I possibly know her now, even if we maintained contact? It's very different when you are
With the person and see them all the time. Plus, realistically speaking, how could someone just go from spending 2 years in another country, come back and hop right back into a relationship role? I don't think any normal person could do that, even if they wanted to. I don't even know if I want that either, and the time is approaching. I'm excited to see her, but the more I think about it, I'm not sure if she's actually the one for me. That would suck for either of us to have expectations of the other, and down the road realize that it was just an obligatory thing that made one of us stay in the relationship.

As of now, I've let go of the idea of being with her again. Finally, I can date other women without feeling bad! This whole time I haven't been interested in anyone because of what I was holding on to the idea of her and the obligation. Who knows, maybe I meet her again and we'll discover other things about each other that ignites something in us again, but it's stupid for either of us to have that sort of expectation now, even if we are comfortable with each other. I figure, if it was meant to be, it will work itself out naturally and not just out of hope.

God, I'm so glad I stopped lying to myself and started thinking rationally about how I felt and the reality of things. It's weird how sometimes we punish ourselves with our hopes, even if we're uncertain about them.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted.
I'm glad she's a honest person, I want to keep her inspiration in my life, but it's going to
Be tough because we share some of the same friends and it's going to be very hard for me to see her and not want to have sex with her. Damn!! Not sure what I'll do about that. Wish me luck.

Folks, thanks for all your ideas, I really appreciate the insight.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by froggy14

Hello all,
Here's my story. Sorry for the length.
So, about a few years ago, I met this girl, she was great and finally someone I wanted to be with. Only thing, she had joined the Peace Corps 2 weeks before we met. We continued dating for about a year and a half because we loved eachother. I knew it would be hard to let go, but I just wanted to enjoy my time with her and not think about it.
She end up leaving and doing her thing, we kept in contact for a while, I even went to visit her in the 9 months there(it was amazing, we had so much fun).

A couple months after my visit, out of the blue, she calls me up and tells me I should move on. It was hard and was upset, but I knew it was probably for the best if we just remained friends and let her just do her thing and find herself. So, I moved on and dated other women- nice women, but couldn't find the connection.

This past Christmas she comes home for a visit and I was apprehensive about seeing her, I wanted to see her, but I was still upset and hurt. Yep, you guessed it, I saw her, and we reconnected and it was amazing again- like we were never apart...I never had that feeling with anyone. She completely voiced her love for me and, although I was apprehensive, I did the same, knowing that it wouldn't be much longer until she came back. During that visit she stayed most of her time with me and also was adamant about me going and visiting her again to shorten our time apart.

I went back and visited her. Again, it was an amazing time, we had so much fun and reaffirmed our love for eachother. So, after my visit we kept our contact very stable and consistent- 1-2 times a week with skype, e-mails and letters when she was around a computer. Every time we talked she expressed how much she loves me and wants to make it work etc...

Here's the bad:
She's done her service and is traveling her way back to the States and then back home.
Last week I got an e-mail from her saying that "she been thinking a lot and there's a bunch of stuff she wants to discuss in person". I wrote back and told her not to leave me hanging like that, but I actually have no idea when she'll be able to write or call back, since there's limited avenues of communication where she is.

Am I an idiot for waiting this long? I could have just let her go the first time.

What would you do? I feel I definitely deserve an explination to my face, but God that's another 50 something days. I feel like the biggest fool.

If you did, thanks for reading.

Take care.

---

Seems you have learned a lot about yourself, and they way you fit in with life. Something tells me your coping skills will take you far, and with much success. Enjoy the journey. Much luck!

Quote:

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This whole time I haven't been interested in anyone because of what I was holding on to the idea of her and the obligation.

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EXACTLY, you've got it! You were so tied up with her,and a relationship that
wouldn't work.

Like you say,for some reason,you felt obliged to her alone :eek:

**All the best for the future**

Quote:

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Originally Posted by froggy14

...I realized that I had been holding on to the idea of her- not actually her.

---

Brilliant. Some people NEVER realize stuff like that.

Well done. Welcome back to the sane chaos.

So, if you're familiar with my other post about the Long Distance breakup that I
Have come to terms with recently, I thank you all for your help and advice.
This is a cool forum!

Now for a tricky question that could pertain to anyone, not just my situation.

Not sure how this will play out when I finally see her again(in about a month and a half), but just wondering if being friends is a good idea or not.

Things didn't end badly between us. Her and I both admitted to ourselves that we're probably not right for each other in the long-term sense.
I have met several cool people through her. One person in particular I think of as a great friend and he's actually going to be one of her roommates when she gets back.

Another thing that might get weird is the fact that her and I have an intense physical connection. We are very much attracted to each other physically and although things
Didn't work between us, I might still fall into the trap of getting physical if the occasion arose.

What do I do? I still want her energy and inspiration in my life, but it's really going to be tough.

Thanks for reading

I feel similar to you at the moment. However sometimes we just need to let go for the benefit of our own emotional well being. Keep busy and concentrate on other things.

If you think its going to be to hard let go of her. It if would happen, it would through communication but obviously all channels have been tried, so let go of this one and move on!

Talaniman Rule.
Never worry about the ex, when you have your own life to live!

Dwelling on expectations, and trying to guess what someone else is thinking, or feeling, is a waste of time, and energy, and raises assumptions, when you really don't know.

Got to spread it, but great rule!

Why worry about what will happen in a month? Hell, I don't worry about what will happen tomorrow because I have no control over tomorrow until tomorrow comes then it's just another today.

The reality is when two people were involve physically there is an emotional attachment. If this was a bootycall situation I would say go for it. On the other hand, there was a commitement at one point. A lot of people get the physical aspect and emotion bundle into one which can be an emotional roller coaster. My opinion would be, stay away and cut off all ties of communications so that the temptation wouldn't present itself in the future.

UPDATE...
Hey there, I know it's been a while, but I just wanted to tell y'all how things played out with my situation.
Well, it wasn't good, but I'm done. Turns out that for the months she was ignoring me and stuff she actually had met another guy and started a relationship with him while in the Peace Corps. She is now in another long-distance relationship. She made me wait until she got back to disclose that bit of info to me- not very nice in my opinion, but whatever. It hurt the hell out of me, but I'm glad she at least told me in person- though it wasn't in a completely private environment which wasn't what I wanted.
That being said, I did a lot of soul searching and really thought about what she meant to me and it all became really clear. We had a connection that was physical, we both knew it, we both loved being "with" not each other.
I thought it was possible to meet each other half way with our paths and ideas about things. Truth is: she never understood me and I never understood her, but we understood each other physically and when we needed that, it was there and it was amazing for the both of us.

I'm still disappointed that I can't see her and touch her again. Sometimes wish I could do that again, but, although she said she is still very much attracted to me, she doesn't want to jeopardize what she has with her new boyfriend.
So, I am done now. I called her up a couple last week to inform her that my grandfather had passed, since she liked him. She acted very cold and kind of tried to rush me off the phone, I called her out on it and she hung up on me. I don't think I want to be friends with a person who treats me like that. Just as a person that was pretty uncool of her. She apologized and I accepted, but I still don't want to know her anymore, she's just so self-centered now. She probably always was, but I never wanted to admit it. Oh well, I've moved on.

Thanks for reading!