Well, tonight after confronting her and asking about some touchy things that I have noticed, my girl decided that she wanted me to leave and said that she doesn't want me apart of her life anymore. Many of you already know what all has happened in the past, so I'm not going to repeat it...

She headed to bed and I followed about 2-3 minutes after. Normal day, no arguing or anything until I found out something's have surfaced. I confronted her about it while she was still awake and she started telling me "Yes, I did that; but I only did it to keep emails from being sent to me.." Well, I was pretty mad at this point and instead of just taking her explanation and dropping it, I decided to keep on and on... she started getting mad saying "I have to go to work tomorrow and you know I hate it when you try to talk to me when I'm trying to sleep!" Well, of course with my common nature, I continued to talk about it... she then told me to get out and went into the closet, started grabbing my things, and throwing them on the bed...

Needless to say, I left. I have the urge to just run back there and try to fix things... I know what everyone is going to say with NC and don't go back, just go on... I just have to vent... I hate this... Our 5 year anniversary was on 9/12 and things went great on Saturday night when we went to a concert. At the concert, for the first time in a long time I felt TRULY happy and loved. We were dancing and she looked up at me and said that she loved me, looking me in the eyes and never looking away... and now this.

I just don't even know where to start... thinking of her seeing other people is driving me crazy... I love this girl, and while yes I have been married before, I can tell you that I love this girl more than I ever loved my ex-wife... I don't know where to start letting go... I can seem to give advice and tell others how to fix their problems, but when it comes to my own, I never can practice what I preach... five years, over in 3 months and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I should have probably just kept my mouth shut and went on to bed... the bad mood would have passed and things would have started better with me being calm when I approached the subject... but I just don't know how to fix this one...

Yep, you should have kept your mouth shut and gone to sleep.

Yeah, thanks for that one...

When she gave you the explanation you should have dropped it that night. You could always have tried to talk about it the next day and she feel so attacked. I hated when my ex would start a fight when I was trying to go to sleep. Lesson learned though, let sleeping dogs lie.

Yeah, I knew that what I was doing was wrong the minute I started doing it... I just don't know why I didn't stop.

Let the emotional dust settle for a bit. I would have thrown you out too!

I am... she has been texting me this morning and I only sent her one reply. I didn't want to push her away, but I did... it sucks really bad, but it may be the only way.

You better talk while she is in the mood. No games!

Relationship Tip #344 - Never apologize during a fight

Always walk away from the heat of the fight and take a breather. Let some amount of discernible time pass, then go back and apologize. It will be 100 times more believable.

If during the fight you realized you were wrong already, you can say, "You know what, you are right. Wow...I need to think about that." Then take your breather. Then apologize.

Relationship Tip #345 - An apology never includes a reason

When apologizing, don't offer an explanation... unless it's asked for afterward. Instead, simply admit what you did, acknowledge that you've thought about it and realize you were wrong (and they were right if that's the case). Apologize for the act and ask for forgiveness. Then stop talking.

Yeah, I walked away from one this morning. She started texting me about 2 hours later after she's at work... all kinds of weird messages. I miss you and then she turns around and says I hate you, and then says I love you again... I am probably going to go back and get the rest of my stuff when I get off work.

Instead of going and getting your stuff, why not take the opportunity to make ammends? Have you cooled off enough to be able to talk to her?

Clearly if she's saying she misses you, hates you, loves you, that she's not all in the right place right now.

If you love her, just fix the problem. You need to find out the root of why she is being so opposite in her wording to you (through text that is)

I just went and got my work related stuff yesterday evening. When I was leaving, she stopped me and said that things didn't have to be this way. I reminded her that things did not have to be this way, but I have to be able to trust her and not worry about what is going to happen from day to day. I left, thinking that this would be the best thing, you know? Take a couple of days and maybe cooler heads would prevail.

Around 10:00 last night, she sent me an email apologizing for hiding things and told me that she has been very lonely, and she's not handling the stresses of my job very well since they affect her. I didn't respond to the email, even though she was asking me to return home just as soon as I read it. I stayed with one of my best friends last night, and he's convinced that she wants to truly fix things. I just don't know if I can deal with all the drama... yeah, I know that I caused it this time, but man... most of the time she's complaining about my job, the hours I work, the position I put myself in, and the position I put her in by having this job.

I am leaving the job I love in another two weeks for this girl. It's not like I don't care, I just want to be happy with what I am doing. She has texted me since then, and I haven't responded yet. I have to make completely sure that this is what I still want.

Man, I broke the NC I had going today. She has text me like 15 times in the last hour and I haven't read them... it's hard not to respond... but I'm trying really hard not to.

I think you should respond and put her out of her misery... Just tell her that you need some time to think things over and you'll contact her when you are ready to talk.

Well, the problem is... I want to work things out... but I have to make sure that she knows I am not putting up with her BS anymore. I am sending one of my friends to my house tonight to get a few more things that I need just because I don't want to fall into the drama again... a few messed up things happened today, and she left her purse in my work car, so he is going to take that back to her too... I might contact her in a couple of days... she already knows I am wanting some time to clear my head...

You have you to do what's best for you.

If you can't trust her or you can't be at ease with her. Then there is no point to the relationship

Unless you guys can come to a different wave length of thinking I think you are doing the right thing

Stay strong and hold the line


Kind regards


Faith

I would honestly do the same thing you are doing, but if the relationship is that important to you, you don't want it to seem like you're just bouncing you know? She may just leave too.

Just be open with her and tell her that you need some time to take care of some business, you'll talk to her soon and tell her not to stress out so much. Stressing is only making things harder.

Yeah, all H broke lose tonight... I was working and my friend went to get a few of my things... guitar, uniform, clips, another pistol, etc... you know, stuff I need... well, he called me and said "You gotta get over here, I need some help." So I got permission to leave for about 2 hours and went over there. One thing led to another and we ended up in a kind of group therapy. My friend is in his 3rd year of college to be a shrink or whatever... well, I ended up agreeing to come back home tonight... so now, I'm not going to get to have a clear mind at all, but I feel like my friend actually helped us... but I don't know if I should actually go back, but I got to keep my word.

Quote:

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I don't know if I should actually go back, but I got to keep my word.

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Is this where you go back, have no communications, but pout, and take a break to clear your mind, realize it was a mistake, but look up, and she has gone??

Don't go that route, communications is key, and how you communicate is even more critical. Sometimes small steps are better than trying to make those giant leaps.

Nothing will work unless your sure of what it is you want.

I told her last night (I went back for a couple of hours) that I was not coming back unless I knew and she knew without a doubt that this is what we both wanted. I know what I want, but I don't know if it's possible for things to be the way they once were... I will never know if I just give up on her though. A mutual friend told me that she is in utter chaos right now and thinks that I'm gone for good... I don't want to be, but I need some time so I can make sure that when I enter this, I'm doing it for me, and not just for her...

I told her that she had no other choice but to communicate with me... I can't fix it if I don't know what's wrong... and she said "I know, but I do know that you have a lot of stress on you every day and I don't want to add to that." Of course I told her that she was already doing that, and has been for the past three months...

I know we have to take each others feelings into consideration, and right now we're at the bottom... but the only two places to we can be is at the bottom, or move back up to the top. We talked for a long time and I let her know that I care for her deeply, and I know that this sucks... it sucks for me just as much as it does for her. A friend told me to just wait until the end of the week... go a day or so without talking to her... but, I don't want to look up and her be gone from my life.

I don't want to pout and not tell her what is bothering me... and I don't want her to hide what is bothering her... I am trying to take baby steps with this because it is so fragile... it could go either way and I know that deep down inside... I have had plenty of time to think the last two or so days, and I know that it will just continue to become more clear as time passes... but I can't wait too long, or else Tal, I'll lose her just like you said.