I have been in a long distance relationship for 4 years and I love her, but after a hard days work I want to rest my head on my pillow and feel the warmth of my lover next to me and she isn't there because she goes to school too many miles away. Im in a committed relationship, but I was as lonely as I have ever been. So I hit on a girl a couple of months ago and I got her number. It was supposed to be a fling, but it became more... for the first time in a long time I wasn't lonely. But now my girlfriend and I are moving in together and I'm scared because I have falling in love with my mistress and don't know who to choose... old love or new love... they both have pluses and minuses, but I feel like a better me when I'm with my mistress. Should I give my current girlfriend a shot with day to day life or not even risk losing my new girl? It's one or the other I won't string them both along for much longer... HELP ME! Please...

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Im in a committed relationship

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If this were true you wouldn't have cheated.

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I have been in a long distance relationship for 4 years and I love her

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Once again, if it were true, well, you wouldn't have cheated.

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she isn't there because she goes to school too many miles away

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Is that her fault? She's getting an education, making something of herself. If you can't keep your pants zipped because she's too far away, then what makes you think you can when she's right beside you?

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I feel like a better me when I'm with my mistress

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No one but you can make you better.

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should I give my current girlfriend a shot with day to day life or not even risk losing my new girl?

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Give her a shot? She's giving you a shot. You're the one who cheated.

Okay, my advice, easy, tell your girlfriend you cheated, I'm willing to bet she'll make the choice for you.

Good luck.

Wow, you disgust me.

Have some decency and tell your girlfriend the truth.

Tell your orig'l girlfriend the truth. Since you are not equipped or willing to put in the necessary effort to maintain a true committed relationship, it's unlikely you will be able to properly salvage that union & you'll likely end up with the one that you're cheating with at least for a while. That will solve your immediate problems as you see it since she may decide you're not worth the effort to stay with. In reality, you're unsuited for any relationship with your current outlook & attitudes.

Does the girlfriend you've been using to keep you from being lonely know about your long distance girlfriend or have you been lying to her too?

Your orig'l girlfriend deserves much better & the sooner she realizes that, the better for all. The least you can do is let her know what you've been doing, if you truly care about her at all before she wastes any more of her life counting on someone to be there for her that can't handle honestly a commitment they voluntarily got into.

May I get an adult's answer... im tired of children speaking at the big boys table

I am completely agreed with 'Altenweg'. Excellent answer. Bro! You need to choose one... this is your lust that is driving you crazy for both. You don't love either of them. Make your choice today and learn to love not lust...

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May I get an adult's answer... im tired of children speaking at the big boys table

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Not a surprising response from you. Being childish instead of handling relationships in a responsible, LOVING, HONEST way is why you are in the position you are in.

Pouting at the responses you're getting pointing out the obvious that you are at this point a lying cheater, is only confiirming further why you're unsuitable as a partner for anyone for now. If you don't get some help in working out your issues, your chances for being a good partner to anyone worthwhile will stay nill.

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Long relationship drives me to cheat

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As much as you would love to believe that is true, it's just the lie you are telling yourself to justify a crappy choice on your part. No one & nothing drove you to cheat, it's just the crappy selfish choice you made for yourself because you wanted to & could get away with it. Acknowledging that would be the first step you need to take. Telling your girlfriend the whole unvarnished truth is the second.

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Originally Posted by uberconflicted

May I get an adult's answer ...im tired of children speaking at the big boys table

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Your not going to get people on here condoning what you are doing if that's what you thought. People on here will tell you what you should do and not what you want to hear to justify your actions.

You asked a question and have so far got HONEST answers.

Sometimes you can't help how you feel , BUT you can decide on the actions you take.

This particular adult usually writes long, thoughtful essays on topics of right and wrong and responsibility and personal success.

This particular adult isn't going to spend any time on your situation. But I will say a prayer tonight for both of the girls you're deceiving.

Your parents (also adults) must be mighty proud.

So apparently everyone on this thing is perfect and never made a decision that made things worse... im not asking for judgement I'm asking for advice... hence I want an adult answer.

Yeah sure I'm a cheating douche bag that should go to hell, but that isn't my dilemma. So please someone with some experience in this situation please give me some good advice and don't judge my actions.

You don't deserve your girlfriend. Does the other girl know about your "committed" relationship?

I suggest you choose one dude, unless you want to be a player, but in the end karma will catch up to you if you play them, I should know I've been in your shoes before and regretted it. I lost both of them and il never forget it.

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Originally Posted by uberconflicted

So apparently everyone on this thing is perfect and never made a decision that made things worse....im not asking for judgement im asking for advice...hence i want an adult answer.

yeah sure im a cheating douche bag that should go to hell, but that isnt my dilemma. so please someone with some experience in this situation please give me some good advice and dont judge my actions.

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You are very naïve. We judge not because of race, color, sex, orientation, ethnicity etc. We judge on actions. Look at big corporations.. you think they want to hire someone whose got DUIs on their driving record, felonies on their crime reports..

As for giving good advise, you already have the answer. Stop being a little girl and grow up.
You cheated. You need to fess up.

You don't? Fine, just see how you feel when your mistress cheats on you with 10 other guys.

For one thing, we'd like an adult answer to does the new girlfriend know about the preexisting one?

To answer your question you need to leave both of them alone. Relationships are hard work and even harder when it is long distance. I was in one and is still in one, and there might be times you get lonely, that's human nature, but it doesn't mean you should go out and cheat and have an ongoing affair. Would you like it if your girlfriend or accept it if your girlfriend had an ongoing affair with someone.

Now you love them both and is due to live with your girlfriend. I think you confess to your gi rlfriend and let her decide if she stays or not because she deserves to know the true. You at least owe her that.

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May I get an adult's answer... im tired of children speaking at the big boys table

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You have a lot of growing to do, before you can understand what adults are trying to tell you. Especially since you can't see the harm you may cause to others, from your selfish actions.

The adult thing to do is, to be honest with yourself and learn something about you, and be honest with the females you are deceiving, and be willing to take responsibility for your actions.

That's what a REAL Man does when he makes a mistake, so the rest is up to you.
Are you man or boy? Which table will you sit at?

I'm glad you take advice so well. Tell your present girlfriend about your inability to keep it in your pants and let her decide IF she should give you a shot with day to day life. Personally, she deserves better than someone who will cheat on her while she is bettering her life. You made the choice to date her while she was going to school, knowing it would be long distance. Why not stop being a little boy who's crying because they bed side was cold for a little while and be a grown up and tell her how much of an a-hole you've been

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Originally Posted by uberconflicted

So apparently everyone on this thing is perfect and never made a decision that made things worse....im not asking for judgement im asking for advice...hence i want an adult answer.

yeah sure im a cheating douche bag that should go to hell, but that isnt my dilemma. so please someone with some experience in this situation please give me some good advice and dont judge my actions.

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I'm 37 years old, adult enough for you?

You want advice, you got advice, take it, leave it, whatever. You want the truth, you got the truth, and yes, the truth hurts.

When I was young and stupid I dated two guys at the same time, neither one knew about the other, and both relationships were physical. Well, push came to shove one day, because I missed a period, thought I might be pregnant, but had no idea which guy may have fathered the child. At that moment I felt lower than I ever had in my life. I pictured myself on a talk show taking DNA tests to determine who the baby's father was.

I fessed up, to both of them, and they both walked away. I can't blame them, I made a mistake. Luckily it was a false alarm, stress, nerves, but no baby. I realized that I wouldn't have cheated on either one of them if I actually cared about them.

So, be an adult, accept the truth we've all told you. Yes, you made a mistake, a huge one, and as an adult you have to own up to that mistake.

You don't deserve your girlfriend, she was faithful, loving, bettering herself, you were screwing around with another women. Fess up, I'm very sure she'll make the decsion for you.

If you can't hear the adult advice in what we're saying, perhaps it's because you are still a child.

Good luck.

You can't get better advice than Altenweg just gave, and you best listen.

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Originally Posted by uberconflicted

May I get an adult's answer ...im tired of children speaking at the big boys table

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You call yourself a "big boy" ? Oh the irony.

Aren't you the one making childish decisions?

Face your mistakes and confess.