Why do I want to be with someone who proves to me over and over they don't want me back? Why is it so hard to let go of someone even when they hurt you so bad you wouldn't wish it on someone else? I feel like something is wrong with me...
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Why do I want to be with someone who proves to me over and over they don't want me back? Why is it so hard to let go of someone even when they hurt you so bad you wouldn't wish it on someone else? I feel like something is wrong with me...
Nothing is wrong with you. You obviously really care about the person or have become attached to them. I have been in the same situation as you. What have they done to hurt you?
Look, I'd never wish the pain I've felt on anyone no matter what they have done to me. There is nothing wrong with you. You just need to let go, go NC and stick with it. How many times do you want to be burned before you stop putting your hand on the stove? I don't mean to sound harsh.
That's what I've been thinking... how many times will I let him hurt me or "burn" me again. I think I was attached and wish I could let go. He cheated on me. Today is the 1yr mark of my mother passing away. We were together for over five yrs and I reached out to him and he just doesn't care. If he does and doesn't know what to say he's just a weak loser. Why would I want someone weak like that? I just can't seem to cut the emotional tie. I been breaking NC but after today I think it's the only way and it makes me sad. So I think something is wrong with me if I want to drag this out.Quote:
Originally Posted by wikedjuggalo
You have to stick to no contact he has proved that he does not want to be with you by cheating on you more then once. You can't let go over night, (something I'm learning) but you can day by day get better. Set a goal of NC start with just a week, after week go for 2 weeks etc. its old but time will mend a broken heart.
He only cheated once but it was in the worst way. I know he still contacts the person even if it is just in email it hurts me. I was going to set a 2 week goal on no contact but seem to only get to 3days and break it each time. I'll try 1week and see how it goes. I just feel if we were going to reconcile it should be now. He should be there for me when I need him NOW. If he can't do that for me that should be a sign that he'll never be there for me again.Quote:
Originally Posted by wikedjuggalo
Well I can't tell you what to do. I can advise you that NC. If he had the balls to cheat on you and then continue to keep talking to the person he cheat on you with then I would think you would not want that kind of person around you. Anytime you feel you want contact him post on here.Quote:
Originally Posted by cantbelieveit
Man I'd be here 24/7. Thanks for the feedback it really really does help to post here. :)
The reason u want that person back so bad is because you know u can't have that person back
It's obvious that he's not going to be there for you like you say that you need him to be. It sucks really bad, but it's something that you're going to have to deal with. If he was the MAN you wanted, then why would he cheat on you? Why would he not be there for you in your time of need?
Just stay strong and as wiked says, post on here any time you need to... we've all been where you are and will do everything we can to be here for you in your time of need. In the mean time, go hang out with old friends and do something for yourself... don't worry about him because he didn't worry about you when he cheated on you.
Yes and he's not worried about me right now. I think if he cared he would be there for me when I want him to be not when it's convenient for him. I try so hard to get mad at him but it isn't working. I feel betrayed but it's not the same as getting really mad so I can hate him and really want him out of my life. My brother feels NC is the only way to go. I think it is too but the only problem is if he contacts me or if there is something that will come up I will break it so easily.Quote:
Originally Posted by Guidostern
Change your cell phone number or you can have his number blocked. I agree with your brother; NC is the only way to go... I understand that you currently have a weakness to him, I think we all do at the beginning of the break up... but you have to stay strong... don't hate him or resent him, that will not help you at all... it will just make you an all around angry person... trust me... like I said, worry about you and no one else... do things that you want to do and forget about this guy... he's obviously not worth the time or effort.
Ok well today I am going to start my NC. I have to work today and have plans tomorrow and work through the week plus I'm looking for a new job. So it should not be too hard the next few days. I'm sure it will still be on my mind though. I agree he is not worth the time or effort. I don't think I'll have to go so far as to change ph# or anything. I'm pretty sure if I cut him off he'll back off. He doesn't call me or text unless I prompt it, I just have to ignore emails if he send anymore. I stopped responding to everything yesterday. He is pretty cowardly, that is one of the biggest things I've learned from everything. I guess he isn't who I thought he was (or wanted him to be) and even though I hold onto what I thought he was I have to SEE him for who he really is. Not a very good person and that is not the type of MAN I want. He's not a man in my eyes he's a lost little boy. Wish me luck on my NC journey!Quote:
Originally Posted by Guidostern
I'm sure you will do fine with NC. If you start feeling weak, just come back here and post... everyone here will do the best we can to support you through this.
If we all even listened to OUR OWN advice sometimes... we almost always know our answers, it's almost like we're waiting to hear something we don't know... and say "wow really?" yes it's sooooooooooo hard to face what we don't want to, especially with love. We feel it coming, but don't want it to end, so we drag out the inevitable, don't let pain be your comfort. There are better things to find comfort in :)
Give yourself some time and patients, and stay busy. It will get better. Not in a couple of weeks though, but hang in there.
I feel your pain my friend lol. I get so angry at myself wondering WHY I want to be with someone that
1) doesn't love me or want to be with me
2) has continually hurt me
3)isn't here for me in my darkest hour
It's like as well as being heartbroken, you have the frustration with yourself for being as you see it "weak"? TERRIBLE FEELING. But as Tal said, stay busy- and the main thing is time-literally, it just gets a bit better week by week until you're at a state at normality. :)
Yes I feel all those 1-3 and I am VERY heartbroken and disappointed in him as a person. I really thought he was better than this but I was terribly wrong:( At this point I'm just torturing myself by dragging it on and being so irrational. Right now he's willing to talk to me in email and over the phone but won't see me because the last time I kind of went off on him because I was drinking and my guard was down. He said everything I said to him was the truth and he doesn't blame me but I always make him feel bad about himself. I was like well shouldn't you work that out if you feel bad about yourself and I make you feel it because it is truly how you feel, does that mean that any other time you are just not dealing with it. I really think he disassociates parts of himself that's why he can think "oh that wasn't the real me" but it is it's all him the good AND bad. I have broke NC on and off the whole time by email/text/phone. Last weekend it was because of this horrible accident I saw on the freeway which happened right behind me and my Dad a big rig hit a motorcyclist and it freaked me out. I was already messed up because the Friday before was the 1yr mark of my Mom passing away. I emailed him about the accident then called him on the phone a day or so later then we started talking. Anyway since it's been a few weeks and we've been talking really well (even though it's just fluff BS talk nothing special) I asked to stop by yesterday and he says he doesn't feel comfortable seeing me yet (again) he says he'd like to keep things "cool" the way they are between us for now. Besides seeing him will probably just take away the pain temporarily and deep down inside I know I want things to just go back to the way they were before all the drama happened and all his poor choices.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boristheblade
It's been 3weeks since I saw him last and it started good we were happy to see each other he made dinner we were having fun laughing listening to music. We were drinking wine at dinner which was a mistake so we were affectionate with each other then out of nowhere he said something that set me off. This led to an argument and truths coming out over his cheating and tears between us. He stormed off then came back, I had apologized for going into the tirade begging him not to leave again and he "said" he forgave me and I stayed the night. But now I know he really didn't forgive me for that because he brought it up after, which obviously I'm guilty of too but on such different levels. Plus I think he just wants to hide the truth just not deal with it and again I think I am guilty of that too. The night started good and ended good but in between according to him was f-cking terrible. A week or so after that we talked on the phone and I wanted to see him again because it was coming up on the anniversary of my Mom passing last year and I was lonely and he said no he doesn't feel comfortable and wanted to be alone. We talked about a bunch of stuff and I even told him I think maybe I should just tell him goodbye for good and this upset him he said he didn't want that. He also slipped up by saying it will be a long time before he can think of me as "just a friend" which was part of why he couldn't see me yet, which meant to me he still has feelings for me or wants to get over thinking of me as a ex-girlfriend? The reason I feel he slipped up is because I could hear in his voice that he regretted saying it like he stumbled over the words and tried to stop them from coming out but it was too late. Maybe he's just lying again. I don't know I over think things.
I am having the worst time letting go. There are so many more details I could go on forever. I just keep coming to the same place where I know I need to stop dragging it out. The last few nights I am so stressed out thinking about things about how I MUST take advice from here and let this go. I think of all the things wrong with my situation and I continue to be mad at myself for wanting him back in my life. I setup an appointment with a counselor which I intended to do a few weeks back but have put off and now I have to wait another couple of weeks because of schedule conflicts. What makes it so hard is I have no support. I live with my brother his girlfriend and their roommate but he works nights and I only see him a few times if at all a week and my good friends live far. I might have to break down and drive 1.5hrs to one of my friends on Sunday because I need to get away but I don't know if she is free yet. It would be so much easier if I had a bunch of single friends in town to lean on. I feel ashamed of myself too so I really feel weird going to my friends on this. They know we split up but not all the ugly details. I am at such a loss right now. So here I am again day 1 of NC and it's miserable.
I know that there are a million books out there with good advice and guideline, but just lately, I noticed a copy of John Gray's 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' on my daughter's bookshelf. I picked it up and read a bit, and the more I read, the more I enjoyed his point of view. Especially, how he himself got the 'message' from his wife one day.
It's in paperback and I would suggest you check it out. I usually don't suggest or endorse any books, but this one is worth reading.
My daughter is going to get married to the father of her child. A man who never wanted to get married again and never wanted children.. Now he can't wait to get back home to his 'family' and thought he'd never ever be happy in his life, so apparently, she did something right. They share a lot of interests and literature, and he even got a book of poetry for her - one where it has tools to create your own quick poetry of your feelings. That really tells a lot about the guy. He's grown up.
As has been already said, TIME is a factor here, just spend it with anything that pleases you and helps you divert your attention from those memories, and also try and just rearrange your furniture and décor so that it's not the same as it was when he was there.. that usually helps a lot. Even get new pillows for the couch or new scented candles for the bathroom and other rooms. Try it, it can't hurt.
Good luck dear, and keep us posted.
http://content.sweetim.com/sim/cpie/...s/0002025D.gif
Yes I think I'll do that. I've heard of that popular book but never have read it. I have been wanting to go to the bookstore and get some books to occupy myself. Maybe I could get wrapped up in a good book and I love photography so I could start to learn photoshop. Also since I've been driving myself crazy thinking so much I've been looking online at philosophy. I still have a couple of weeks until I get a professional to help me get rid of my demons. So I'll have to dig deep to fill the gaps and "stay busy".Quote:
Originally Posted by Chery
So today I'll try to go to the gym and then go shopping and to the bookstore. Every time I go NC I do go out and do things but it feels so weird being in public places feeling so empty and seeing couples and families together. Hopefully my brother has the night off and maybe we can hang out later. I have the next few days off so this is going to be interesting how well I keep NC. Thanks for your post :D I'll definitely be keeping you posted because this is going to be one of my outlets too. I love roses (I used to keep a garden with them at my old place) plus they remind me of my Mom she loved them too, so LOVE the pic at the end of your post it makes me happy.
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