Ask Me Help Desk - Lost in love

I'm in serious need of help.I have fallen in love with my best friend of two years. We have been dating for the last 8 months. I'm totally in love with him.. the problem is he is already in a relatinship and has been for the past 8 years.I knew this from the beginning.. But he is so perfect for me. For the past year all I heard was how bad she treats him and talks to him. He has even cried to me and given subtle hints as to not wanting to live anymore. Being his friend I tried to get his mind of his pain and started inviting him over more. somehow my feelings changed and I fell in love with him.. she know that we are friends and she is cool with that. But I spoke with her a few days days ago. And she telling me how much she doesn't want to be with him, doesn't love him , but she loves his money. She is 11 years his junior and she is just using him. She told me that once she graduate from school she was going to leave him. I feel that she does not deserve him, and he deserves to be with someone who loves him for who he is and not his money.. how can I get him to see that he can do better and to leave her. I have not told him how I feel, or even told him about the things she said to me. Should I or should I leave this whole situation alone. Please help

In love and confused

My advice would be to avoid getting involved and try sorting things out they way you think is best. He is obviously really blinded by the whole situation and cannot see it for what it really is. You don't want to talk to him about what you know because you might end up pushing him away. It sounds as if she has the upper hand so who do you think he would believe? I mean they have a long history together and I bet the reason he is unhappy is because although he knows she treats him bad he cannot accept the fact that he might have been so wrong about someone he has known for so long. I mean take the posts on this site for example. For many of us it takes weeks after a break up to realise that the relationship was not as great as we thought it was while we were in it and that is after it has ended and we are forced to see things for what they are.

I think what he needs the most right now is someone to be there for him as a friend. Now if that is too much for you to handle because you have feelings for him then you should try distancing yourself from this whole situation. Of course everyone deserves to be with someone that loves them and you feel the need to tell him because you care for him but ultimately he should realise this himself.

Just my opinion, I think despite your feelings, your crossing the lines of the friendship boundaries, and it worries me that you have been dating for 8 months, as that is confusing, since he is in a relationship.

Another thing that troubles me is, if you have told him, what she has told you about their relationship, why hasn't he done anything about it?? I think there is a lot more here, and hope you can fill the gaps, or at least understand getting a guy to leave where he is comfortable at, and do as you want him to, is next to impossible.

Be a friend, and nothing more, as its not right to manipulate the life of someone else for your own purposes, and maybe he doesn't feel toward you, the way you feel toward him, which is a possibility.

Either way you should back off from being so involved in this guy, and his personal business. Better that he see what he wants, in his own time, and way.

I fail to see how he can be serious about you, since he is in a relationship and though you are his best friend... you are now the other woman.

I think you both got what you wanted... but where is it really going to take you?

I'm confused by your situation though... you have been dating him for 8 months... surely he must know how you feel, even if you haven't said the words...

I'm hoping your not a replacement part for things he's lacking...

I can understand why you're "lost and confused" in this situation {after all,you're in
The middle of it all! }

Feelings of love for a best friend can be quickly acted upon {in the wrong way}
Simply because you know them SO well.

Quote:

I tried to get his mind of his pain and started inviting him over more.

That's where you went wrong. By inviting him over,you must have known that this would cause you to have deep feelings for him,which were
wrong[because he's your best friend & already in a relationship]

Quote:

How can I get him to see that he can do better and to leave her.

YOU ALONE may know that but it's not for you to say,or act upon!!

When he leaves his present relationship {and,you hope} starts another one with you,
He'll be on the rebound Is that really what you want?