I am beginning to feel like I am at the end of my rope and my options are dwindling. I am 29 years old and my boyfriend of nearly 4 years is 25. In the beginning we had sex sometimes 4 times a day. Then about 2 years ago it started to dwindle off, he made up excuses and we started having sex at most once a month. For the past year it has dwindled down to nothing. If I recall we have had sex 10 times in the past year and in the past 6 months only once. In the beginning I cried, I tried to be aggressive with coming onto him, I did everything, and now its gotten so that I don't even try anymore because he just turns me down. Every single other aspect of our relationship is wonderful, we love each other deeply and when I speak to him about it he says nothing is wrong especially with me, he just doesn't know why he doesn't need sex. Then last night I finally asked him if he even masturbates and he said no. It boggles my mind to think a 25yr old man can go for months on end without sex and without masturbation. I have gotten so desperate have considered putting Spanish fly drops in his drink to see if its mental or physical, because I have asked him to talk to the doctor but he says there is no need.
I love him and don't want to loose him... how can I gently "force" him to go to the doctor as far as I know this isn't 'normal'. Please help me... :(

I really think you need to sit down with him, and ask him to tell you the whole truth. Something sounds a little off. Tell him how much you love him, and that you are worried for his health. This really could be a medical condition, whether it be physical or mental. This is definitely not the norm, and especially at 25 yrs old!

Tell him gently, that you want him to get some help for not only his sake, but the both of you. He might just be embarrassed of something, so he's reluctant to go see a Dr. but tell him in all other ways you are happy, but you need to have the sexual part of your relationship too. Let him know that there's no shame in going to the Dr. or telling you what he thinks might be wrong. Ask what you can do to help. Tell him you will not feel any differently about him, no matter what it is. (unless he's cheating, or doing other things of course)

You should be able to find a sex therapist in your area I'm sure. Tell him you will be there to support him, or if he wants to go alone, let him have his space to do that. There is definitely something wrong, and you know him, so trust your instincts. Just don't let this go on, because it will end up being a point of contention between the two of you, and could possibly be the end of your relationship, in the long run.

My initial thought when reading your question, is that there is definitely something he isn't telling you, that he needs to.

Individuals don't want to face the reality that the spousal-type relationship is over when regular sex stops for such a long time... both of you are now friends.

It is difficult to resurrect a marriage-type relationship from the dead. Both of you will have to go to counselling and be honest with each other and the therapist. Perhaps, you have each grown in different directions, or one or both of you are sitting on unvoiced resentments... it could be anything.

Yes, I would say get some help with this problem.

Best wishes in the future,

PS, I wanted to say that healthy men don't do without sex. :)

If you really believe that he "never" masturbates.

You have more issues than you think.

Choux is correct, you need some outside intervention if you plan to straighten this out.

No one has touched on the chances of this being a stress or physical issue. Is he stressed out? Are you pressuring him into marriage or something? How about something at work that has him all stressed out? Ok then how about a physical condition that might be causing him problems that he does not want to admit to? Or worst case, how about he contracted a STD from someone and does not want to tell you about it?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by 450donn

No one has touched on the chances of this being a stress or physical issue. Is he stressed out? Are you pressuring him into marriage or something? How about something at work that has him all stressed out? Ok then how about a physical condition that might be causing him problems that he does not want to admit to? Or worst case, how about he contracted a STD from someone and does not want to tell you about it?

---

The first thing I mentioned was to see a Dr. Maybe I didn't make it completely clear that I meant a medical Dr. to rule out any medical problems. So I did touch on that first off. In the next paragraph I mentioned seeing a sex therapist. There is either a medical or mental issue, as this is not normal for a healthy 25 yr old.

Is he on some type of medication?

First for a man not in a relationship, going months without either is
Really not a issue for some.

But the problem is not that he can but that he is in a relationship an
Has stopped. Again is it physical, ( more common now adays) or is it emotional.
You have to come to figure that out to know where to go for help

WOW... um... I agree with everyone above. Not about everything but I mean they all have valid points. But I mean ZERO sex drive? Not normal. And he don't masturbate? I'm sorry... But no way. Personally myself, If the winds blows, I have an erection. It's an expression. I know this is no help but I thought I would put my two cents in and say I'm truly sorry. Do what you can and best of luck to you tephiebear!!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by tephiebear

I am beginning to feel like I am at the end of my rope and my options are dwindling. I am 29 years old and my boyfriend of nearly 4 years is 25. In the beginning we had sex sometimes 4 times a day. Then about 2 years ago it started to dwindle off, he made up excuses and we started having sex at most once a month. For the past year it has dwindled down to nothing. If I recall we have had sex 10 times in the past year and in the past 6 months only once. In the beginning I cried, I tried to be agressive with coming onto him, I did everything, and now its gotten so that I dont even try anymore because he just turns me down. Every single other aspect of our relationship is wonderful, we love each other deeply and when I speak to him about it he says nothing is wrong especially with me, he just doesnt know why he doesnt need sex. Then last night I finally asked him if he even masturbates and he said no. It boggles my mind to think a 25yr old man can go for months on end without sex and without masturbation. I have gotten so desperate have considered putting Spanish fly drops in his drink to see if its mental or physical, because I have asked him to talk to the doctor but he says there is no need.
I love him and dont want to loose him.... how can I gently "force" him to go to the doctor as far as I know this isnt 'normal'. Please help me... :(

---

Spanish fly drops??

Thank you to all of the above answers to my question. I have outrightly asked him if he does masturbate and he said no. We live together and quite honestly I have had no oops bust you moments with him masturbating so I sincerely doubt he is lying. We love each other very much and I know that to the outsider it may look like our relationship has gone from lovers to friends but it hasn't, when we do have sex it is amazing. After reading all your answers I went home and spoke candidly to him, and he has agreed to go to the doctor and talk privately with him. And with regards to him having an STD, no! We have been in an exclusive relationship for nearly 4 years now, he isn't the cheating kind. He isn't on any medication, but he is a recovered drug addict, and he does use marijuana as a self medication in lieu with his doctor for chronic insomnia. But even in the beginning of our relationship he used weed and we had an amazing sex life. Any more words of wisdom?

There is another post about a guy who does not want sex with his GF and he also uses marijuana as a self medication... could there possible be some connection between the use of marijuana and sex drive, perhaps it is worth doing some research into that!

Best of luck with your relationship, sounds as though you really love each other!:)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by tephiebear

He isnt on any medication, but he is a recovered drug addict, and he does use marijuana as a self medication in lieu with his doctor for chronic insomnia. But even in the beginning of our relationship he used weed and we had an amazing sex life. Any more words of wisdom?

---

k, first you can't be a "recovering drug addict" and be using drugs. As a ex HUGE pot smoker, I know that it can have effects that will either give you a higher or lower sex drive. It depends on the quality, amount of THC and amount smoked. If he smokes large amounts of marijuana in some cases it can make a male impotent and remove the sex drive all together.

"In the journal Science three researchers from the University of Texas suggest that tetrahydrocannabinol, or THC, marijuana's active ingredient, may affect male sexual activity in two phases. In animal tests, they found, it first raises the level of testosterone and other sex hormones but later may lower hormone levels to far below normal."
The New York Times

I do not have a answer. I have the same problem with my boyfriend. We have been together for 2 years and sex has never been that important to each. However we still had it then it just stopped completely. I know he loves me very much that is not a question. I know he is faithful and devoted to me so that is not a question. Just as your boyfriend mine does not masturbate either. Just as you I do not even come on to him anymore or bother with it. However, it is really beginning to beat down my self-esteem. I feel like there is something wrong with me and I'm not attractive anymore. We have talked about it some and he says he just does not get horny. We are both 38 years old and both have very active jobs and are in good shape so there is no physical health problems. Just as you I am lost and feel like my feelings, needs, and desires are not being met only in this area. All other areas he does a great job!

Please read the dates before you dredge up a very old thread... this one
Is almost 4 years old and had only two posts they haven't posted since then, thus its unlikely they will ever see your comments.