Hey. So I have some jelousy issues and I need help. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and I'm ruining my relationship cause I'm so jelous. I trust him and don't think that he would ever cheat on me.. I know how girls are.. NO AFFENSE but really. I get pissed if I think I see him looking at girls.. like I watch his eyes to see where he is looking at. I try to bite my tongue and not say anything but my feelings ride on my shoulders and its hard not to say anything. I think it might be because I have gained so much weight since we first got together.. and he is good looking and works out all the time he has a really good build.. I don't see how he could still be happy with someone who looks like me. But anyway like I don't want him watching porn.. which I caught him the other day and he said that he was turning it over there to see what it was. My mom used to be really jelous of my dad and I'm thinking that might be why I'm so jelous.. like we used to have a really good relationship but my jelousy is killing us and I know that but I honestly can't control it.. I don't know if I should starve myself.. talk to someone or what I should do. Like I want to get married and have kids NOW but he tells me I'm to immature (talking about my jelousy) and it hurts really bad.. because no matter how hard I try not to say anything I blurt it out.. I need some advise or cousneling or something.. REALLY. O yea and talking about gaining weight I recently went and got my ring resized cause it was to small and it snapped out of the blue today.. like my band Im still wearing it its not like broke all together but is that like a sign maybe... Maybe I'm a freak and read into stuff too much.. I don't know. Although we did break up 3 years ago today because of my jelousy.. we were split up for about a month but got back together and things were fine but its now back to the point to where I'm smothering him.. I NEED SOME ADVISE... PLEASE HELP.

I don't think his comments on immaturity are said in jealousy.

It seems to me you both recognize that you overreact to situations and are extremely jealous.

There isn't an easy fix to your dilemma. Something has triggered this reaction and will continue to trigger it until you figure out WHY you get so jealous.

If a pretty lady seated you at a restaurant and by doing her job had to speak to your boyfriend and be really nice... would you be jealous?

Have you been cheated on in the past by a previous boyfriend...

I might also suggest counceling IF you can swing it. This type of behavior is corrosive to almost any relationship...

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Originally Posted by snuggles08

hey. So I have some jelousy issues and I need help. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and I'm ruining my relationship cause I'm so jelous. I trust him and dont think that he would ever cheat on me.. I jus know how girls are .. NO AFFENSE but really. I get pissed if I think I see him looking at girls.. like I watch his eyes to see where he is looking at. I try to bite my tounge and not say anything but my feelings ride on my shoulders and its hard not to say anything. I think it might be because I have gained so much weight since we first got together.. and he is good looking and works out all the time he has a really good build.. I jus dont see how he could still be happy with someone who looks like me. But anyways like I dont want him watching porn.. which I caught him the other day and he said that he was jus turning it over there to see what it was. My mom used to be really jelous of my dad and I'm thinking that might be why I'm so jelous.. like we used to have a really good relationship but my jelousy is killin us and I know that but I honestly can't control it.. I dunno if I should starve myself.. talk to someone or what I should do. Like I wanna get married and have kids NOW but he tells me I'm to immature (talking bout my jelousy) and it hurts really bad.. b/c no matter how hard I try not to say anything I jus blurt it out.. I need some advise or cousneling or something.. REALLY. O yea and talking bout gaining weight I recently went and got my ring resized cause it was to small and it jus snapped outta the blue today.. like my band Im still wearing it its not like broke all together but is that like a sign maybe... Maybe im jus a freak and read into stuff to much.. I dunno. Although we did break up 3 years ago today because of my jelousy .. we were split up for about a month but got back together and things were fine but its now back to the point to where I'm smothering him.. I NEED SOME ADVISE... PLEASE HELP.!

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No I'm not that bad. LIke that stuff don't bother me. Like I really don't know how to explain it. . Like I'm not jelous of my friends or anything like that but if we go to say the local fair or to a theme park.. and I see him looking it drives me insane. And yes I have been cheated on in the past.. but he is the only real relationship that I have been in.. I honestly think the reason why is that I'm now like 40 pounds more than I was when we first met. .

You don't trust because you are insecure about yourself.. u need to help yourself then your relationship will be better, I used to be the same with one of my ex;s and it got the worst of the relationship and now we are broken.. Maybe you 2 could go to the gym together so you both can work out together and spend time. And guys will always be looking at other girls and porn.. it has nothing to do with you, it's a guy thing they are visual people and like looking. Don't worry about it as long as he loves you it won't matter... I'm sure if you see a really hot guy you will look but that's all.. it's the same with men.. maybe you should go see someone to talk to , to help yourself

A lot of the time (for me anyway) just because men are looking it doesn't mean he's looking in that way. Sure she might be a good looking girl but it doesn't mean he's thinking like that, more often than not in my case if I look at other girls it's because I'm thinking in my head "she's nothing on xxx". Maybe he is thinking she's a good looking person, it doesn't mean he is any less attracted to you or loves you less. He chose you and he's with you, if he wanted to be with anybody else he wouldn't be with you, remind yourself of that.

I've just ruined my relationship by allowing previous partners cheating to create ridiculous and irrational jealous thoughts in my head. It's something I can't ever imagine being able to forgive myself for because the signs were there and deep down I knew how silly I was being. Life is what it is, whether you're jealous or not, no matter how hard you try to prevent something if it's going to happen it'll happen, you just have to trust your partner.

Although it's too late for me now losing someone you care about that much really kicks you up the backside, you realise that if you love this person then nothing else matters. Any jealous thoughts in your head are more often than not just illusions you've created in your head and are incredibly unlikely to ever happen. What I tried doing in the first week or two after my partner and I broke up was whenever I had a jealous thought I'd write it down, write down the reasons I think it's believable, give it 5 minutes then reread the reasons and be honest with myself about just how rational and realistic that is. 99% of the time I'd put a big fat X through them and realise how silly I was being.

Just try reminding yourself, what's more important to you - being worried and jealous about something that will probably never happen or being with the person you love. Having made the mistake myself I know what I'd chose.

I'm kind of the OG of jealousy issues around here because well, I've been to hell and fought my way back. I used to be a lot worse than anything you have described, so I know it can be fixed. I'll attack your post by showing you how to fix each problem separately. You can't expect to fix them overnight or all at once.

1. Your weight. Well this can be corrected without starving yourself, as hard as it is to believe. Go on a simple diet and exercise more, you said he works out all the time so why not join him on a jog? That's what me and my girlfriend now do, I work out at a gym for 2 hours then come home and we go for a jog. It accomplishes 2 really big things, first you get back into shape and second, it brings intimacy and bonds you back together. You will love being able to talk about things with him and he will enjoy that too.

2. Looking at other girls, I can't say it won't happen or that guys don't do it. We do, but that doesn't mean we are going to cheat on you. I'm sure you have looked at other guys, it's part of human nature, we are a visual bunch of species. He is with you, every time you think about him looking at another girl, think about how he comes home with you

3. Ways to correct your jealousy, I personally went to counseling, which helped a lot and shows why your jealousy is acting out and 9/10 times it's reasons you have no idea would cause them. Sure there are easy answers, which I tried before and it didn't work. There are several books to read as well. My personal favorite was "overcoming jealousy and possessiveness" PLEASE get help with your issues before you lose out on your relationship

Had to spread it Rome, nothing like sharing personal experience.

Hi snuggles, its got to be rough having fear that you don't even know where it comes from, and counseling will help you expose those fears and understand how to cope with them. Don't hesitate to get some help. I think you can also help yourself by being proactive with this issue, by reading up on it, and learning new ways to cope with it.

You just need a strategy to address the issue in a positive way, as Rome has spelled out. Just to add, be honest and upfront with your partner, and let him know you have these issues, and are trying to overcome them, as his help and support can also help you a lot and may prevent you from impulsive behavior that can hurt your relationship. You can do this for yourself.