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-   -   How do I bring back the old us? Bring back the long convo's and the activeness? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=259177)

  • Sep 11, 2008, 01:22 AM
    bman800
    How do I bring back the old us? Bring back the long convo''s and the activeness?
    Bman 800 here call me bryan OK I've been dating the love of my life for almost six months and I have nown her for about a year now and I think the relationship is getting tired I am NOT breaking it off we love each other more than anything in the world she lost her virginity to me... I unfortunetly wasted mine on a sixteen year old at a party when I was 13 lol but we have frequent sex maybe too much but we have always been safe I don't want people telling me to break it off because I won't we really do love each other. We went through a fase were I hit here a few times not in the face but it was too much. And I haven't touched her in three months . But my question is how do I make our ralationship more interesting how do I find something to talk about besides sex? We aree both pretty active. How do I bring the old us back . We are both still happy just have nothing to talk about or do... besides sex wich is why I think we do it so often... dont tell me to break it iff IM TIRED OF HEARING THAT!
  • Sep 11, 2008, 02:34 AM
    tickle
    You hit her ? A few times but not in the face ? How good of you to avoid her face. If I were her I would avoid you like the plaque.
  • Sep 11, 2008, 03:19 AM
    SweetDee
    There is no going backwards only forwards. You can't make it be like it used to be, you can only recreate a new beginning. Like if you used to find each other funny, but now not as much, there's no fixing that. You can work on finding out what interests her and yourself and maybe talk about those things.

    Basically you got to have things in common. If your relationship is has nothing to do and you have nothing to talk about and sex is all you really have... it's not going to last.

    You say you used to hit her but not anymore? Maybe THAT'S when all conversation and commonalities went out the window. Maybe she's withdrawing from your relationship. God knows I WOULD!

    I think it's great that you found a way to keep your abusive slaps to a minimum. It's awfully sensitive of you... I mean, I thank you for all the women all over the geography that have fallen for a piece of crap like you...

    I know you don't want to hear that your relationship is on it's last leg, but buster... haha, it ISSSSS!! Time will come full circle and then she'll be telling you that the two of you "need to talk"... lol!

    So, there it is.. in a little nutshell. You have a limited time till this relationship will ultimately slap you upside your little boring head and say, "I'm done with you"!!

    With a little luck everyone you slap around will abandon you.

    ... men whom hit women are weak.
  • Sep 12, 2008, 12:28 PM
    bman800
    OK well first of all I never let it get out of hand OK when I did hit her it was on the arm and not hard and she was never innocent herself... I'm not getting into it BUT ALL I WANT IS SOMEONE TO TELL ME HOW I CAN BRING SOME SMILES BACK INTO OUR RALATIONSHIP I haven't hit her yelled at her fot a very long time! The love is still there. We can both see it we still talk about the future I thing we just spent too much time together and burned ourselves out. We see each other evryday. And we have discussed not as much sex.
  • Sep 12, 2008, 12:28 PM
    bman800
    Its not over... our motto is Forever And Always:D
  • Sep 12, 2008, 12:43 PM
    JBeaucaire
    You've decided to chase it down regardless, so reality has to take a back seat to your blind pursuit. Not much we can do there, I hate to admit. Well, as long as you have a motto, reality can take a backseat, I suppose.

    You gave us too much information. You gave us enough information that all of our combined experience and expertise says this relationship is a goner... if not soon, eventually. That's why you don't want to hear it. That's why you even need a "motto".

    You see, growing and maturing relationships that are destined for the ages don't need tricks for conversation, internet help for "how to things spice up", and pats on the back for NOT hitting your girl for 3 months. (Um... good job on that? *gulp*)

    So, I'll at least give you some overall worldview help that may you see your life in a clearer way, and then maybe you can fix this yourself... who knows? Here goes:

    There is only ONE thing that will work to ever help any relationship - balance.
    1. Love God first - this is so you don't think you're the center of the universe and give yourself permission to do whatever you want...like hitting a girl, even when she 'wasn't innocent herself' (whatever you think that's supposed to mean.) You need some accountability outside your own sense of right and wrong. Parents are good for this...God is better. He never goes away.
    2. Love yourself - this is self love based on paying attention to your higher authority first (see step 1). After that, you have to be comfortable with who you are, where you're going in life, no need to defend it or apologize to people for it, no need for any one specific person to be a part of it either...you and God together pursuing what is your own awesome life. That alone should give you PLENTY to talk about with anyone.
    3. Love others - notice the third thing isn't love money, career, your own position, it's putting others right up there in importance with yourself.

    Calling this girl the love of your life and touting a motto is just your way of not taking responsibility for paying attention to what is going on in your most important relationship. If you need stuff to talk about, get out there and do some selfless things in life. Talk about that.
  • Oct 11, 2008, 09:12 AM
    ZoeMarie
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by bman800 View Post
    ok well first of all i never let it get out of hand ok when i did hit her it was on the arm and not hard and she was never innocent herself...

    OK, first off, if you hit her it already got out of hand. If you want any relationship to work ever, you're going to have to refrain from hitting.

    To answer your question though, I would set aside a night maybe once a week for "date night" or something. My husband and I do that because our schedules conflict quite a bit and when we're home we have puppies to tend to and laundry and cleaning, all that. So it's important to make "us" time. I don't know if you do that at all or why you guys don't talk very much. Do you see each other quite a bit during the week?

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