My boyfriend and I have been dating for five years now. At the beginning of our relationship we had redicdulous amounts of sex, several times a day. Obviously after five years, things diminish a little bit. Although, I believe it has diminished so much. We have sex maybe once every two weeks now. We are great when we are together, we can watch TV, cuddle, laugh still have a good time, but when it comes to sex its very routine, and that's it. For the past couple of months my boyfriend has been going under tremendous stress with work, (not being able to find the right job) he feels he has no direction right now in life, and he's just stressed. Although, he is the one that is saying us not having sex is bothering him. I don't know what it is, were OK when we are together, but when it comes to getting in bed, the chemistry isn't there, and I don't know what to do?

Well I think once every 2 weeks is OK... my poor man is lucky if I remember once every 3 months...

I'm working on that LOL

I wonder how old you and your boyfriend are?

It sounds to me like your boyfriend is going through a passage in life... he has to work and that means be a grown up. There is no telling what goes through his mind when he thinks of being a full time working man... a responsible person. Growing pains!

I have to say that in the olden days, sex was a pleasant interlude to the stresses in life... today, it seems like sex causes stress. I can't relate to that. That makes me think that people regard sex is a job, not pleasure.

I think that as you grow older and your boyfriend does too, that you both have to change, nothing stays the same in this great big world, and growing older means changing how you view stuff.

So, maybe, it's about finding your way through change.

Take care,

Stress is a known killer of libido.

Young men who suffer from problem of ED and decreased drive often benefit greatly from two things... ease of stress and physical exercise.

Ease of stress can come from many different angles... from finding the "right" job, from getting help through therapy, from the two of you finding a new way to talk about your struggles without it being "finger pointing", etc... emotional stress is a killer for libido. If my partner is stressed from work when she wakes up, I could do all the "right things" that she needs and desires to reach orgasm and she likely will not get there. The mind, not the genitals, is the most important sexual organ. Stress doesn't give him a "free pass" to be a neglectful lover or to settle for less... it's a quality of life issue. At some point he cannot point a finger at external reasons for decreased sex, and that includes pointing at you.

It is also well known that regular exercise can improve life in the bedroom. Young men with libido and ED issues often respond well to simply having a balanced life, including regular exercise. It increases self confidence, gives a sense of direction and action, and releases pleasurable endorphins into the body. If he isn't on some kind of exercise plan, see if you and he can find some time to work out together, even if its just a walk three times a week after dinner.

Also, he needs to be getting good sleep. And that doesn't mean a tally of hours spent in bed. A person who isn't sleeping well, getting the appropriate amount of deep sleep, can feel as tired as a person getting fewer hours of sleep. So after reducing stress and getting into a regular exercise progam, if the problem persists, he probably needs to talk to a specialist to make sure he is getting restful sleep, not just hours in the bed.

Most couples go through some ruts in the bedroom. What you have described isn't uncommon. I've experienced it myself. Stress outside the bedroom hurts life inside the bedroon.

He, and you, need to feel like you are powerful and have options. A healty, long term sex life takes work. It takes communication. It takes patience.

Try to steer him into directions that minimize stress and get him focused on himself. At some point, progress needs to be made. If it keeps on being an issue of stress, well, sometimes good people are sexually incompatible. Hopefully life is just getting in the way here. It happens all the time.