My girlfriend was raped a couple of nights ago. I am 30 she is 40. Things have been turned upside down. I love her with ever bit of my soul. But I feel like I am too emotional. I am crying more than she is. She tried to leave me, telling me I should find someone better. I will never leave her. I have been there for her the best I know how. I try to be patient, understanding, strong, and compassionate. I did find the "Rainn" website and got some useful information. I am worried about her decisions how to handle this. I am in such distress, I want to be strong for her. She says that she likes it when I am emotional because it shows her how much I care. But I can't do this everyday. I am exhausted. She felt the need to tell me exactly what happened last night, and it tore me up inside. I am having bad drreams and I fear I will fall into a depressive state. My emotional state worries me, I want her to know she can lean on me, but when I cry I feel like a failure. I have always been emotional as far back as I can remember. I don't know what to write, I am just throwing things out.

Aside from your issues with her, hippiefeet, did she go to the police and then to emergency ? She needs to report this rape and then she needs some counselling. Otherwise you are going to go crazy keeping up with her needs after this.

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Originally Posted by tickle

Aside from your issues with her, hippiefeet, did she go to the police and then to emergency ? She needs to report this rape and then she needs some counselling. Otherwise you are going to go crazy keeping up with her needs after this.

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She refuses to report it and she already sees a therapist. She said she went to court before to support a friend that was molested and she didn't like how they dug up her entire past life and how the rapist just sat there and watched.
She also has a history of childhood abuse. She told me the rapist used a condom. :confused:

It's good she is getting counseling. I think you should too. Once you have both started to work through it then maybe you could do some counseling sessions together.

She should go to the police. I know that the whole process is hard, but if he is not caught he will do the same to someone else.

Good luck to both of you.

Counseling for both of you, individual at first and latter joint.

There are various levels she will go though,

You are way too involved emotionally than you should be... this is her problem. One can be there for a person who suffers a crime, but not be so empathetic that they fall apart.

She didn't call the police, that makes me suspicious. In addition, she sounds like a drama queen, dude. Me, I don't think any of this ever happened.

You need a break from her, you're too inappropriately emotional, in my opinion, and you don't need to hear the gory details. And, what's up with that? Why would she go over all the gory details... isn't that unusual for a rape victim?

I completely agree with Choux. There is no need for you to be over emotional about this. Honestly, when someone is raped they usually put themselves in that situation. Some women tend to lie about being raped ( I have many friends that do this) as to get attention from someone and feel like someone cares. You should not stress yourself over this. I think it is a good idea to try to take a break with this person and take care of yourself.

Don't stress over this... get her into counseling... and even both of you could go together. And, just be there for her. After a rape women feel all sorts of awful emotons... thats why she wanted to to find someone better. Tell her it wasn't her fault... let her know that. :) Encourage and help her, get counseling, and contact the police. With a descrption, they could track that freak down,. good luck! Be strong for her!