after 14 years & two continuous great weeks. He says we need to break, of course I started to cry I was devastated beyond belief. Where did it come from. I had supper ready for him & the house cleaned. He had just purchase the house for us to live in after 14 years of been together. I just got finish unpacking and getting the house organized, surprise him early with bagels & lox's, a simple dinner than POW! This is the worst timing, I just lost my job which I am fighting for since it's a union. Now the man I thought I would grow old with slams me with this. I am so heart broken. Why now?? He said that he had said it, in passing but we never had a heartfelt talk, because he is not good at expression his feelings. Even now, he says he has mix feeling but needs to think, for a least a couple of weeks. I am worry he may not want me back. I know I nix pic, guys hate it. But my life has been miserable for the last 1 1/2 since I was been harassed by a co-worker and management did nothing to address it so I filed with EEOC. I have had so much going on, I feel I projected a lot on to him, but to say he was unhappy for over a year, that he feels like a heal. But why didn't he say something sooner. Why did he wait until I move in? I can't function, but I will not call, email, write or make any excuse to see him as requested. What should I do if he doesn't call after the two weeks? Should I wait an additional week? He did says that he loves me very much, & that I could take the little car. I feel like this is mix message, he says he doesn't know what he wants. What to I do, wait it out? While I move on. Remember 14 years. I desired to know. What would you do? Please help! My head is swimming in my own thoughts. I did ask if he found someone else which he denies.

Just give him space, dam man 14 years man!! I've never been in something like this but In my opinion he wouldn't have bought the house and done everything if he was going to leave you, doesn't seem logical, but when was love logical? I think just take a break each, do stuff! Hang with your friends, go do activity's, once you have some space apart then you will begin to realise how much you miss each other and need each other... remember once there's no more cooked meals etc he will realise what he's missing out on. That's my 2 cents anyway
Catcha with the tide!

Are you married?

Give him what he asked for, and it's a perfect time for you to put your own life in order. That's the main thing, what you do with yourself, at this point.

You can sit, and be afraid of the future, or you can get busy for yourself.

Sorry this happen it happens. It doesn' matter what you was doing the cooking, maintaining the house, etc. Why is needs space? Only he knows but I find it weird after 14 years he is now requesting it. Maybe he wants out and don' know how to express that or maybe it due to him wanting to be involved with someone else. I think if you love someone and wants the relationship to work you would work on any problems instead of bailing out, otherwise how could you have truly loved that person. Have there been any weird behavior on his part before he ask for the break?

Not to be harsh but don't get your hopes up and continue having no contact with him. Many breaks are permanent so don't wait around for him. Also, I know you might want closure but you might not get that either. You would think after 14 years he would at least give you that but it don't always happen that way. After all you been through, especially your job, you should know what don't kill you only makes you stronger so stay strong.

No, we are not married. I would visit & stay with him on the weekends. It has only been the last 3 years we started to look for a place together & this year he found the house,show it to me, than bought it. He didn't act weird until this last weekend, I knew Friday after going out to dinner, something wasn't right. He worked the weekend, but I would see him off & on through out the day, he would kiss me when he saw me. On Sunday Morning I surprise him on the job site with bagels & lox's, which he shared with me. But when he got home Sunday night, I knew something was wrong than POW... that's when he said we needed a break and that he wasn't happy for some time. Than why buy a house, why have me move in, than when I do, than say you need a break. He offer to find me a place and pay for it for 6 months. He offer money to pay for my schooling. But why now, I lost my job & I am in the middle of trying to get it back. Mentally & physically this is bad timing. I stuck it out with him when he had his lows. The messages he sends are mixed. He says he loves me very much, & this hurts him too"he say he feels like a heel". My family & friends tells me he has changed & not for the better. I am lost. I can't sleep or eat & feel sick to my stomach. My family knows we are on a break,but they don't know everything. I am trying to put up a good front. But inside I feel dead. Its only been a couple of days. Meds helps a little. Thanks for listening

:confused: I know I probably shouldn't have, but I call my BF realtor who we both known for 5 years. I simple ask her if my boyfriend seen odd. She told me "no" but he did tell her that he broke up with me. I ask if they talk on Friday or Thursday which she said yes, & that's when things seem odd. She said that he mention he was unhappy, & her reply was if your unhappy, quit complaining & break up. I was in disbelief, I could not believe that she would say that to him. She said she was sorry but thought we had some kind of blow out. I said no, we have small disagreements, but no blow outs. Now I am worry that she will tell him. But I am sad to think that he would ask her on what to do? Or maybe he was venting and she offer. Either way I am not happy to learn this new information. Why couldn't he had talk with me? Why? Please I need answers. I feel lost. Thank you for allowing me to vent.

This isn't going to be of much use to you.. but you really don't need the answers right now. Anything you find out will do zilch for you and stand a good chance of making you feel even worse (I know this from experience, now). Just try focusing on yourself right now and don't dedicate anymore time to dwelling- whatever happens will happen. I keep telling myself this, even when I feel like total garbage.. and.. sometimes I believe it and sometimes I don't-- but ultimately, deep down, I know it's the truth.

I just recently got out of a (almost) 10 year relationship and am probably just as f*kked up as you right now, so just know that there are other out there that are in your boat.

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Originally Posted by helpsos

:confused: I know I probably shouldn't have, but I call my BF realtor who we both known for 5 years. I simple ask her if my bf seen odd. She told me "no" but he did tell her that he broke up with me. I ask if they talk on Friday or Thursday which she said yes, & thats when things seem odd. she said that he mention he was unhappy, & her reply was if your unhappy, quit complaining & break up. I was in disbelief, I could not believe that she would say that to him. She said she was sorry but thought we had some kind of blow out. I said no, we have small disagreements, but no blow outs. Now I am worry that she will tell him. But I am sad to think that he would ask her on what to do? or maybe he was venting and she offer. Either way I am not happy to learn this new information. Why couldn't he had talk with me? Why? Please I need answers. I feel lost. Thank you for allowing me to vent.

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It seems like something happened at work...

Give him some space and if he leaves you..... find a better guy?

I doubt he's going to leave you... 14 years of relationship + living in a house~

I learned that he waits to date, not just one person but he has a few on his mind. He took down our photos together & pack it all away, including my all my cloths. So I know where that is leading, he has decide that he wants to have an affair, so it was better to break it off. I get it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by helpsos

I learned that he waits to date, not just one person but he has a few on his mind. He took down our photos together & pack it all away, including my all my cloths. So I know where that is leading, he has decide that he wants to have an affair, so it was better to break it off. I get it.

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It seems like he got tired of you around...?

It's not an affair if he's single again, which breaking up with you & putting all your pix away indicates is what he's done, regain his single status.

For him to end it so abruptly after taking advantage of you helping him make the move to the new place with no effort to resolve any issues he may have with you doesn't give you much of a fighting chance to make this relationship work for you.

He's not giving you any choice but to move on with your life without him being a part of it. I'm sorry, I know how shocking this must be for you. But you can't make him act loving towards you & not acting like he wants you in his life is a huge indicator that he's done with your relationship with no intention of having you be with him anymore.

I also want to say that he has change, according to friends people are just tools for him to get ahead since he has been buying/flipping houses. He will fire someone without a thought. He has gotten big headed according to the people that works for him. but he is there bread & butter. Now that he is worth millions, his behavior has chance, power has him thinking he is the greatest gift, I help with that because I love him so. I would tell him, that he works very hard, but he needs to have boundaries with home vs office life, since he runs his business from home. He feels that he needs an affair, or f**k its because with all that power, he just can't handle it. He does say he loves me very much & wants to help pay for my school or whatever else I need. His messages are mixed. Have a fling, have your affair. But I feel that's all its going to mount to . I love my honey, but he is no brad pitt he is more like a brad pitt. I am not trying to say I am all that but according to his friends as far as looks are concern I am out his lead. I fell in love with him for his kindness, his heart, but the only thing he showed me, was to kick me while I was down. I help him build back his credit, and stuck it out with him when things were down and this is how he pays me back. I am hurt and anger. It not fair, I did everything for him, made sure there was food in the frig, and food on the table. Just thought you should know.

Sounds like he's lost his way & thinks the grass is greener on the other side because he can't see all the manure there yet. He may think he wants someone that doesn't know of his humble beginnings & he's certainly not appreciating the contributions you have made to his life all those years.

Why hadn't you guys gotten married? 14 yrs is a very long time to be with someone & while some people think it may be just a piece of paper, it indicates a willingness to publiclly & legally show you are his partner for life.

He felt I was been to pushy. I probably should have left him years ago, but continued to give him changes, which I think cause recentment. I do agree that right now he feels the grass is greener, but the way he handle the situation with me, said it loud and clear. You don't kick someone while they are down. I lost my job because of a co-worker that harass for more than 1 1/2 years. Once I file with EEOC, they throw up a smoke screen to let me go. It hurt to know that the man I thought I could count on leaves me in a time like this. I don't want to have any hard feeling but I am hurt and surprise. I would never do this to anyone.

You are in such a horrible place with what's going on with your job causing you to be unemployed & basically having him fire you from being his girlfriend too. No wonder you are so upset & hurt!

I don't understand what you mean by your changes causing resentment.

If you let him coast in the relationship & he was able to get away without putting much into it, it's not surprising he finds it hard to talk to you. He doesn't have much practice at it & instead of facing the hard talks it takes to keep a relationship good for both, he's chosing the easy way out & wanting to think only of himself.

I am sorry, I wasn't working for him, but at hospital it was there that co-worker who harass for over a 1 1/2 years, when I had no other choice I reported to EEOC,since management did nothing, the company did a computer aduit and find that I had file a compliant. So at the end of May of this year they fire me, a long story, so it hurts that your BF lays all these other things on you, once I moved out where I was, moving in with him, and 3 weeks later having to move out without a place to go except to your mothers house. Hurts. I meant chances, the chance to talk but nothing ever happened.

I fixed my prior post so it made it more clear. I didn't think you worked for him but obviously you did go through a lot of stress because of that situation. Now this breakup is just adding more unneeded anxiety to your life.

Have you guys ever had breakups before or any serious issues to work through?