I have very strong feelings for a very good friend of mine. We have been intimate for about a year, and I've been pretty serious about him for the past couple of months. What I though would be casual between two friends ended up being much more to me. He is concerned that I couldn't possibly have real feelings for him because he is the first and only guy I've ever been with, and that I'm confusing my real feelings for superficial ones resulting from sleeping with him. Could he really possibly think this, or is he using this as a copout excuse for not wanting to be with me, and to avoid hurting my feelings? I mean is there a quota of how many guys I need to sleep with in order to know what I think and how I feel? That's crazy... :confused:

No there is no quota. However it is normal that you might have more feelings for the ones that you are intimate with and a common misconception as well. Confusion between sex and love has been going on forever and yes it's possible he's using it as a cop out and yes it's possible he's got feelings for you and can't work them out and yes, it's possible it's a deversion to avoid getting close to you. Sometimes being someone's first is a really big burden to carry. I think that if you have feelings for him and it is going somewhere it will go there, be patient, be yourself and take things slow.

It sounds like you've tried to tell him how you feel and he didn't respond. I would stop sleeping with him. It sounds like because it started being casual that maybe he didn't intend for you to develop feelings for him and now that you have he doesn't know what to do. Talk to him about it, tell him again how you feel and say that you're not going to sleep with him anymore unless he's truly interested in a relationship. But take it slow

Stop sleeping with him. This will give both of you the opportunity to get your feelings straightened out. Try to salvage your friendship for now.