One of my best girlfriends, has within the past year turned to coke a lot and drinking on a daily basis. She is never sober, and while having a cocktail is fun, it's gotten out of control. Our friendship because of this has taken a toll, and not just with me, with everyone around her. I've always tried to be the positive friend and stick around, while everyone else has pretty much left her side. But, last night at a BBQ... everything was fun, fine and dandy until out of nowhere she lashed out at me, yelling at me over nothing saying I was disrepectful, a horrible friend to f_ck off etc etc... it was straight up an episode from Jerry Springer. At first I tried to calm her down and talk to her, but she wasn't able to do so in a civilized manner. For the first time, I saw right in front of me the effects of a drug user, not getting their daily or weekly dose. I'm pretty certain this is why she was acting like this.
Of course I lashed back (verbally) and said some pretty mean (but true) stuff to her, because she needed to hear it from someone. All in all, I probably shouldn't have said anything but it came out in the heat of the momement. The night was pretty exhausting. I pretty much told her unless she gets help, I will never talk to her again, and that I've tried to help but now it's on her.
So she's like a sister to me... and I just don't know whether I should get her out of my life for good or what. The problem is I think she realizes she has issues, but when she's drinking or whatever obviously doesn't reealize how bad it is, and how it has affected a lot of us in our once circle of friends. When I try to talk to her about it, she denies it like no other. She doesn't see it. So in a sense, I feel like if I back away - she will see that everyone now has disappeared and maybe it will hit her.

Has anyone ever dealt with this? Do I try to help? Or is it pretty much on her? I seriously gave her my last straw last night and cannot get over the things she said to me. I was doing nothing but hanging out, being a fun friend. I don't need people like her in my life. If she can't recognize the matter.

Addiction is a long process, my mother is an addict - somewhat recovering now. Depending on the situation you can become more and more helpless. Alanon may be a good resource for you, if you have not had to deal with addiction in the past. But her recovery right now will be on her. Support to an addict is very enabling. So while you may care a great deal for your friend, making the separation until she is ready may be one of your only options. Try Al-Anon, it is a support system for friends and family members of addicts.

How about doing an "intervention"? Family members and friends turn to this for help all the time. It's a way of showing you care w/out having to take the abuse AND the result is that she ends up going to rehab, (hopefully.. ).

You saw how she behaves when she's either craving drugs or already high... it's not a good thing. It may not be easy but you HAVE to do something if you truly love her.

Please give it some thought...

When I was watching my friend slowly die from drug use, nothing I said could change it and she knew it was a problem and that it only got worse. We would talk about it and would do my best to say I cared and would always be there and how terrified I am of her overdosing (she had clinically died twice already at this point) and all that, she got the point it hurt people around her but she couldn't stop. One thing I know kept her going through the last year of her use and struggle, was me being the last person alive who treated her like a human being and not some piece of dirt.
Weather or not you can talk to her about it, if she realizes it or no she still might not change or refuse too. People get very used to and comfortable with routine and pattern, if it's become a daily thing it's hard to change it not to mention the addictive substances are hard to kick.
IF you commit to helping out your friend who is a user, prepare yourself for a lot of teary nights crying yourself to sleep and very exhausting days full of worrying yourself sick over them. You can choose how involved you are though... I dove right in, and was there anytime she called or needed me to talk, and in turn I felt more and more frightened for her. You can withdraw and remain neutral, maybe giving her a letter saying you will be there for her when she breaks and really needs someone, but for now you need space because it hurts you to see her destroy herself. I think back and maybe I should have done that, but at the same time I'm glad I could still chat with her throughout those years.
Though it's mean, if you do hang out with them keep an eye on your stuff, and never lend them money, it doesn't solve anything and you wouldn't be able to live with yourself if they over dosed on something with the money you gave them to get it.
In my opinion if she has a wonderfully caring kind and nice family that has always supported and loved her through tough times then an intervention could be done, if not then it might make things worse or damage your friendship forever and drive her even farther away from people and recovery =/
I wish you good luck though it's a really tough thing to deal with ):

You mention her friends all giving up on her, but where is her family? Do they know about her problem?

If you're at your wits end, then maybe you need to talk to her family and tell them what's been happening. You definitely need to get the monkey off your back.

You can't help an addict... they have to want the help and be willing to work at overcoming the addiction.