My husband and I are in a bitter divorce battle. He molested both of my daughters from a previous marriage. (He admitted this to me, but is now denying it) We have two young sons together. He is doing everything he can to make my life hell, including quitting his job and quitting paying child support. Now his Parents are suing for custody. We reported this to CPS, but it has been over a month and they still have done nothing to him. Yet, I've had to go through DRCB evaluation, Child Advocate interviews and prove MY fitness as a mother. He has been ordered to have supervised visitation, (at his mothers) but is fighting for overnight visitation. I need to know what rights does he have? And if/when he goes to jail, what programs are available to help me support my children. I make $13 an hour, which isn't enough to pay for my bills and child care and food. I live in Indiana.

Hello mom:

If he goes to jail, I don't know of any programs that will help you or your kids. So, no matter what he did, being out of jail is better for YOU. At least then, you can track him down and force him to pay. I can see that it's going to be difficult to do, but if he's in the slam, you get NOTHING.

I would have called the District Attorney and the police - NOT child protection services. If CPS called the cops, he'd BE in jail. I don't know why they didn't. You could certainly CALL them. I would.

So, you've got an uphill battle. You're going to need help. Hopefully, you've got a good divorce lawyer. Maybe HE could call CPS and get them off their butts.

excon

Ex-con; my daughters did not want to press charges, so I did not report this for quite some time. Only when my not-soon-enough-ex said he was moving out of state and demanded out of state visitation did my daughter's agree to step forward and report the molestation. (I couldn't have him taking them out of state to do God knows what to them) when I did bring this up in court, the judge was so angry that I didn't report it right away, she took my boys away from me (1 daughter is grown, the other lives with her dad) I got them back pretty quickly, but needless to say, I'm being forced to prosecute him. I know that it is best in the long run so that he doesn't victimize another innocent child, but my two sons are the ones who are going to pay the price for his crime. First by losing their father who they love and don't understand why 'mommy won't let them see him' and second by not having the things they need and want because first he is refusing to pay support and second, he will be in jail eventually and won't be able to. It's been a living nightmare, and now with his parents suing for custody, it just got worse (yeah, you raised one child molester, let's give you my sons to ruin!)

Hello again, mom:

Yes, indeed. You put your relationship AHEAD of your children's welfare. No doubt, that would piss off a judge. It also diminishes the seriousness of his charges, if ANY charges are going to be levied.

Again, you need a GOOD lawyer.

No, I put my daughter's desire to not have to re-live the molestation and have to go through testifying in a trial ahead of what I should have done. As well as her fear that her father would murder him and go to jail himself. She was afraid of losing her own father to life in jail. The fear in her eyes at the thought of having to testify, broke my heart. It was a no-win situation. I do have a good attorney. SHE is awesome and is looking out for us. Even the Guardian ad Litem said that I was just trying to do what I thought was best for my family, even if it was not the right thing.

Hello mom:

I understand why you did what you did. I wasn't judging you. I'm simply pointing out that it was the wrong decision. It's easy to see, AFTER the fact. I'm sure you see it too. You're doing the right thing now.

Yes, the criminal justice system is going to victimize your daughter all over again. I wish it wasn't that way.

excon

I will agree with excon, I have worked in the courts.
The judge will want to know why the moment you heard of the abuse you did not report it. That is what caring parents do, the minute the know of abuse of their children they report it and leave the person who is doing the abuse.

The fact you did not do that, will be suspect to the judge, he may really believe you are having the other kids lie for your benefit.

And the court against the husband is not going to be pretty, his defense attorneys will try and make the kids out to be lying and make them appear to perhaps be sluts if they can.

After that, if he goes to jail you don't get anything, unless he has large bank accounts somewhere you may attach for your child support. He will have no income so support will be figured at state min.
You will have to work to pay your own bills, and not count on ever getting money from him basically.

Excon and fr. Chuck have given you great information. I know Indiana and your not reporting the molestation is going to be a HUGE chink in your defence. You need to work with your attorney a lot to try to put togther a strong case. But as your original question about support if he is in jail there is no income to pay. If you do get your boys back you can apply for food stamps and medicaid for their health insurance but other than that you will have to work very hard. There are no programs that help you raise your kids other than government assistance if you qualify.

Thank you all for your advise. I did leave him as soon as I found out, my mistake was delaying in reporting. Again, it was to save my daughters the trauma of having to re-live the experience. Hindsight is always 20/20! I am paying for it now. I do have my boys back, but am having to continue to prove my worthiness as a mother. However, I am doing everything I am supposed to do and feel confident I will keep them. I do work hard, and because of that I make 'too much' to qualify for food stamps or assistance. He has no large bank accounts so that is not going to be an answer for us. One thing in our favor is that he did admit to me that he did molest them when I confronted him, and when it came out in court, he 'pled the 5th' which shows his guilt.
It will be a tough road, but I'm up for it. I do take satisfaction in knowing what happens to child molesters in jail.

First and foremost I really feel for your situation. I am living an almost parallel situation and it has taken me almost to the brink of death. I have become so absorbed on how to fight this person tooth and nail. My situation is that my two adult children stated that my partner had sexually molested them when they were kids and we have one child together. The police were called and he was removed from the home. You did the right thing by calling CPS as well. My ex completely disappeared for over two yrs. I found him and have begun child custody proceedings. I would like to suggest some things to you. I began reading on sociopaths and realized my ex has a lot of characteristics of one. I asked for a psychological evaluation (which of coarse, he asked for one on me) and I also requested supervised visitation. You may want to read about parental alienation as judges are on the watch for. My girls have 10 yrs after the age of 18 to prosecute him (it may be 20 yrs after age 18 if the Jessica law in Texas has passed). I went through all his phone records and credit card statements and found he had had multiple affairs and was meeting women off porn-sites as well. He had numerous charges to local hotels. I have made sure I scanned and emailed everything to myself. One of my daughters had made entries into her journals from middle school and I put that in a safe place as well (off property in case he burns the house down). I also contacted people he was emailing on the internet and found many women that were willing to come to court for me as he had been making inappropriate comments to them and he "creeped them out" Also you may want to look up state laws were you live but a lot of states do not allow "children" victims to be questioned about their sexual history and/or it is not considered relevant. The main thing to do is educate yourself about every aspect of this and to remain calm in court. I have already made mine look like an idiot as he was unable to quit lying and I had the documents to back up what I had to say. He lied at least 30+ times under oath which will only help the girls once they are emotionally ready to go forward. Remember not to press your kids because they have just one time to prosecute that monster and if they are not emotionally ready and you push them, they may lose their case. This was probably the hardest for me to grasp as my ex was telling people that I was crazy and he would be in jail if he had molested the kids. Sorry if I am rattling on but I have obsessed over this and have googled and googled everything I can possible think of to educate myself. My heart really went out for you. "Jessica's Law" is being passed practically in every state to make the statute of limitation longer and the penalties much more than a slap on the hand (in Texas first time offense 25 yrs!! ) If I can help more feel free to contact me.