My girlfriend recently broke up with me, mostly I think because she needed space and time to herself and to spend with friends; Another reason being that she wanted to take things slower. I was taken totally by surprise and my first reaction was to beg her to give me a chance to change(because I was also being a little too possessive) which I did when she broke up with me and the next day over the phone. Then the next day we talk for a little bit and I tried not to bring up getting back together but it happened, then I told her I had to go because I was at a party. She called me later(before it had just been me calling her back) and we talked for an hour like we used to and she said she missed talking to me and everything seemed to be OK for a minute and we both said we felt better. She also told me she lost her appetite and felt bad since she broke up with, which is the same way I felt. Then the next day we talked again and everything seemed OK then too but I keep hinting at dating again and she just says stuff like I don't know, and she tells me she doesn't want a relationship with me or anyone else and she needs time to think. She also told me that she felt like she was leading me on and that she just wants to be friends right now. I really love and this girl and she told me she still really likes me and if I mention seeing anyone she says it would really bother her, so what should I do to get her back? Also what am I doing wrong?

Let me be completely honest with you.. she either wants to be with you or she doesn't, it really is that simple. Be a man and show her your not her play thing. Give her all the space and time that she needs to do whatever she wants and you take yours too! Seriously the best thing you can do is become unavailable to her, if your always waiting in the wings she will never take you seriously.

Heads is right, since I went through the same thing. She can't have her cake and eat it to. She either wants to be alone, or she wants to be with you. You're giving her both right now. I did the same thing for 2 weeks, until I finally realized what was going on. She went out and could party with her friends, go out on dates and whatever else she wanted. But, at the end of the day, when she was feeling lonely, guess who she called? Me. Have more respect for yourself. Don't give her everything that a relationship provides, without having to be in one. Be good to yourself, respect yourself because you do deserve better.

The others are so right as she has you whenever she wants and her freedom too.

I really love and this girl and she told me she still really likes me
That's the problem, she doesn't feel the same as you do, and that is a signal to let go of this unequal dead relationship!

and if i mention seeing anyone she says it would really bother her,
So it seems she doesn't want you to be happy, but rather keep you on the back burner.

so what should i do to get her back?
You don't its over and time to cut this game loose.

Also what am i doing wrong?
Your letting false hope keep you from seeing reality, and realize she doesn't want you as a b/f. Your in denial, and need to leave her alone and let the emotional dust settle and get about healing, thru NO CONTACT what so ever.

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Originally Posted by Absolution

My girlfriend recently broke up with me, mostly i think because she needed space and time to herself and to spend with friends; Another reason being that she wanted to take things slower. I was taken totally by surprise and my first reaction was to beg her to give me a chance to change(because i was also being a little too possessive) which i did when she broke up with me and the next day over the phone. Then the next day we talk for a lil bit and I tried not to bring up getting back together but it happened, then i told her i had to go because i was at a party. She called me later(before it had just been me calling her back) and we talked for an hour like we used to and she said she missed talking to me and everything seemed to be ok for a minute and we both said we felt better. She also told me she lost her appetite and felt bad since she broke up with, which is the same way i felt. Then the next day we talked again and everything seemed ok then too but i keep hinting at dating again and she just says stuff like i dont know, and she tells me she doesn't want a relationship with me or anyone else and she needs time to think. She also told me that she felt like she was leading me on and that she just wants to be friends right now. I really love and this girl and she told me she still really likes me and if i mention seeing anyone she says it would really bother her, so what should i do to get her back? Also what am i doing wrong?

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OK from a girls point of view---

2 possible reasons:

If you have been with her a long time she may just be feeling a lack of attention, I was with my ex 5 years and after some time things became routine, I left him and went on a break for 3 months we botrh hated every minute but I no I made his life hell. Wouldn't reply to him, when I caled him I led him on, but I no deep down secretly I wanted him to do all the romantic things I saw on films (sounds stupid I no) all it took was a surpirse outing, we had not talked for almost a week, he turned up outt he blue and forsed me to pack some overnight gear. As you can imagion I acted like I didn't want to at first, but after an hour or two of talking I agreed. We went london to a show a picnic on the beach gorogus two days.

Then for a week I had flowers delivered to my work my hosue everything. I raelised all I wanted was his attention...

If that's does not work I'm afraid to say, she is taking you for a ride, if she does not want you then you should move on. But if she's stressed or unsure you should give her space and try to be her friend, don't bug her for a date, just try to remind her what the relationship was like at the start. You may have to remind her the reasons she feel in love with you to begin with. Hope this helps mate

X

Ok thanks for all the information guys. Talaniman I don't think that I should move on just yet because some of things she says indicate that she misses the relationship and its only been a few days anyway. I agree with you heads that maybe I am giving her too much of what I did when we were in a relationship so I'm going to cease doing that. I won't just wait in the wings. I also liked the idea that I should remind her of how great things were and why she was drawn to me.

Update: I want to cut off contact but I don't want her to think that I don't care either. My friends told me that I should not call her and try to only say hi to her at school; and that if she calls me answer but only talk briefly and tell her I have to go. My friends suggested that if I do this she will realize how much she misses me. So my next question is should I even answer when she calls? The reason I'm wondering is because if I don't call her back or only talk to her for a moment I think she might get the wrong idea and forget about me altogether Any ideas on that? Sorry I'm writing so much!

Second thing- yesterday after I posted this question we talked on the phone for awhile and I told her that my cousin wanted me to go on a blind date with this girl he knows. I told her I'm not ready to get back out there and that I'm not going to, and she said OK but she wouldn't really talk for a couple minutes and then she says "I feel really dumb but i have to go" so I asked her what was wrong and she said the dating thing bothered her because it made her feel like I think that our relationship didn't matter if I dated somebody so soon. So I talked her out of going and she seemsed OK and then she told me she missed me and then like 5 seconds later her brother came home and she said she had to go and she would see me tomorrow.
So today at school I talked to her for a moment and she felt really ty it was partly because of what I said and the other reasons is because I think she's realizing that she's getting lonely and misses the relationship because last night on the phone she also said at first she liked having so much free time but now she just felt really bad when she was only around her family. So she felt really bad all day and tried to go home even and she won't eat and stuff and then she asked me if I was OK and I said yeah I'm OK and I tried to make her feel better about the dating thing and she smiles and stuff and then says she will call later.

So should I tell her that I feel normal? Or that I don't feel well like her? At first I felt the same but I'm OK now and I just want to be back with her but I feel like ill be OK if I cant, it would just be better if I could you know? But sorry for writing so much, if anyone has any ideas thanks!! And if you think I should cut off contact when should I try to see her again? I read some things online and it says wait awhile and then ask her to lunch or something and just show her what she's missing and how confident and fun you can be! Should I also try to fix the things that she said were wrong before I try to ask her out again?

Thanks so much for reading I realize its a lot but thanks!! Answer the questions if you want to, and any advice would be helpful, thanks!

Also thanks carrie, I think that there was a lack of attention to some degree as well, so I tried to ask her to give me some music she likes (she said an example of one thing is that I never have her music a chance) so I hope that will help

No Contact should NOT be used to win back an ex. It should be used FOR YOU. If you plan to win back your ex with no contact, you're in for a world of hurt. Just because she misses you right now, does not mean whatever caused the breakup to be resolved. Chances are you forgot all about why you broke up. I understand that you can't/won't accept that as reality right now. It happens to us all. There is something you do need to make your reality right now, the relationship ended for a reason.

You're hanging on to hope, which we all do at first. Eventually, you'll come to your senses and get real about NC. No Contact let's you move on, but it has to be on your own time and under your terms. We can tell you until we are all blue in the face to do it ASAP. But it's up to you to start it for real, and only you know when that is.

Good Luck.

That s true, now you feel confused and you don't how you should act, if you should try staying away from her or facing her or do another thing. Well it will all come together. Right now you might still be figuring everything out and maybe it can work out, sometimes you get too much all over each other that one of you blows up, and as this tension dies down (can take a week, weeks ) then you get back together and this is something that you and only you can know for sure. It hhas happened to me before and I remember being the one to almost break it off once because she was constantly asking what I was doing or why I was still out in my case I told her what was up and we resolved it... this scenario happened a year later and it did not go the same way, funny how in the end I was a little like that and she broke it off for good. So you See, people acted differently, I was willing to make I work and try to make her undstand while she thought it was easier to be out. So everyone will handle it differently and in different ways.
But the key is to know when you think you have done the most and there is nothing else you can do anymore. And that is when NC starts

No contact is for you to heal and make decisions based on fact and not just feelings. Only you know when you have had enough misery, pain, confusion, or drama. Then its time for a decision what you want to do about it.

Everyone has given you perfect advice you are just chosing not to follow it. When you get tired of being lead on and having your mind screwed with come back and get serious