I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. I am living with him in his home with his family. I am 24 years old and he is 36. I take care of his son and his parents and their home. I do everything that I can to make things easy for him. I don't nag him. He goes out at night because of his work scheduel. Even though he comes home sometimes not until 3 I don't say anything. I know where is is and who he is with for the most part. He has always done this. He does whatever he wants.
I work, sometimes 2 jobs. I come home and take care of his son. Making sure is homework is done and he has had his bath and he isn't being fresh to his grandparents. I take his son to Sunday school I take him out fishing and to the park we go crabbing and to waterparks.I do a lot with him and spend most of my time with him. I am really close with his sister and I am frequently over visiting. I try really hard to be a good girlfriend.
I pretty much don't go out too much.I don't drink- or I don't get drunk anyway. I will have 2-3 beers. He was an alcoholic at one point. I go to the gym and I play softball. I visit one frind evey now and again or I go see my family.
That's his idea of me going "out" and or doing things after work. I am faithful and I love him very very much. He isn't very affectionate as a person, but from what I gather he is more affectionate with me than any one else he has been with. Sometime he has temper issues, which he has always had and he isn't very nice to me. That's really only when I make him mad. He had never really "hurt" me. He has pushed me and grabbed me but he has never really hit me. Its hurts me emotionally more that anything when he gets like that because I thought hwhen you loved someoone you didn't do things like that.
When he first got together we had very good sexually chemistry up until no so long ago.
We have actually gotten into big fights about sex a couple of times. I get really upset because he is totally uninterested he would rather have a bowl of cereal of cookies that to have sex with me. He has actually turned me down because he is tired or he is reading magazines looking at parts for his truck or bike or his belly hurts from eatting too much. He doesn't touch me like he used to. There is like no passion. It seems more like a chore whne we do actually do it. The initiation is the worst.I am actually hestitant to initiate b.c of being turned down so much. So I will have to wait for ever when I have to get up for work early and he doesn't. When we do start it its only going for the parts used in making love. The rest of my body isn't touched. I eman when we do it its still nice, but its nothing like it was. I might have sex once a week and if it doesn't happen when it might have I usually have to wait until the following weekend. I wear sexy little outfits and he says nothing and shows no interest. I went out to the garage in pasties and a thing and he said that I look "fine" and went about his business. I was so hurt and I felt so unattractive. He never say anything nice to me to make me feel good about myself. I am an attactive young woman. I am 120 pounds and well porportioned. I get advances from other men all the time.I am not intested in there advances though. I only want to here things from my man and I can't get it . I feel so bad about myself and I really don't have a reason to. I amd just so hurt inside I cry by myself a lot. I have cried after sex, because I felt he's been selfish with it and hasn't put what I might want into concideration. If I might mention during the day that I might want to have sex that night- I don't get it for sure,Its like he goes out of his way to make sure that it doesn't happen. He will even engorge himself with food. He says you can't plan sex. But he will never actually do it spontanously.We don't do it in the morning because he says its not time to do it then I guess it ruins the whole day. We only do it at night in bed when the tvs on and a good movie or show has to be on. I actually gave been on top of him trying to be sexy and getting him in the mood naked and he has looked around me to watch the movie HAIRSPRAY! I really don't know what to do, I don't want this to be the reason for me to leave him. I love him so much and I love his son like he was my own. I just don't know how much my heart can take anymore. It hurts me so much and it really doesn't get any easier to deal with. I just want him to love me and to be attacted to me. I want to feel like he thinks I am sexy and he is proud to have me.
Please tell me something. There isn't to many people I am comfortable asking or even know what to tell me.
Jenn

I think your giving to much for what you get in return. Why do you let him treat you this way, and how in the world have you let this go this far, without saying something.

My wife would have me sleeping on the couch for a week, or eating bologna sandwiches, if I did half the things he does. Either your not telling him exactly how you feel, or you are letting him get away with BS! Stand up for yourself, and make him know you ain't going for his second class, selfish, shat!

I don't know all the details, so of course I'm operating off assumption here but from what you've told us this relationship isn't good for either of you and that is fairly obvious. He isn't happy otherwise he wouldn't be so obviously avoiding sex, and you aren't happy because you aren't getting what you want.

I look at it this way; a relationship is a job. Essentially, they are "at will" employments. It isn't some fantasy or fairy tale. It also is not a contract that is unbreakable. Any obligations you have are set by you and you alone.

Like a job, you have responsablities. You have to communicate and work as a team. You have to have commitment and loyalty.

By that same dynamic however you both have to get paid. The relationship has to be satisfactory to both people. If you are putting in the work and getting nothing for your efforts, treat it like a job of the same nature. Ask for a raise. Discuss the situation with your business partner. Lay out what you want and need and honestly ask yourself and him if it is readable for him to deliver on those wants and needs.

The only complication are the children and family. If it does turn out that there is no reconsilliation that is agreeableness to both of you, at the very least try and explain why things are going to change. Make sure the kid understands its not his fault.

But ultimately, my advice is to set in your mind what you want, understand that what you want is important (don't sell yourself short), and talk to him about this before doing anything else.

Good luck.