Hey everyone,

I posted about a week ago. Me and my boyfriend are on a "break". He said he needed two weeks and then we would sit down and try and either work it out or end it based on how the two weeks went. Well I seriously am having a very hard time with this. It has been two weeks and I gave him space. I only talked to him when he called me, he said he missed me, but then I needed a ride to work one day and had to ask him I had no one else. He was weird. Didn't talk much. Then he gave me another ride and his friend was there and he was being very rude to me and his friend was being a jerk as well. He gave me one more ride after that ( he offered me a ride anytime) and he was just quiet. I don't know what to do. I called him today and left a message asking when he had a day off from work so we can sit and discuss our "relationship" and whether it is worth working on. I need advice on what to say to him. I really do not want to lose him. I have been a mess without him. 2 years, and its just so hard to let him go. I want this relationship to work out so badly ill do anything for us to give it one last try- and if it then still is bad we know we tried the hardest we could. But anyhow, what should I say when we sit down and talk? I have some ideas, but id like a little outsider advie- thanks so much!

Hi,
Life is tough sometimes, I know... been there, done that.
A "break" usually means it's over. The relationship has been going in the wrong direction for one of those involved, and they need time to think about it.
It is sometimes a "nicer" way of saying, "I want out".
Talking with him is the only way you are going to know the truth. Be honest, and hope he will be, too. If he won't answer your questions, then he is ready to move on.
You can move on, too. It will be hard at first, takes awhile to get over someone. Took me a year to start dating again after my first marriage ended in divorce. Been married now 29 yrs.
Just be yourself when you talk with him. His friends probably already know what he has in mind, don't listen to them. Talk with him, just simply ask him "Is it over?". That should get you an answer, one way or the other.

When someone wanted a break from me I went about my life and moved on,as I suggest you do too. They wanted a break so they must contact you when their ready, not the other way around. NO wonder your such a mess! :cool: :rolleyes:

I have to agree with fredg and talaniman on this one as far as the relationship is concerned.

Unfortunately, since your b/f has been rude, and he is not cordial when he gives you rides, even though he did offer, shows that he is impatient to go on with his life. It's not fair, but some men/boys don't like to break in a manner to where they don't like admitting their weaknesses, so they dump it all on you. It's hard to get them to admit that the problem is the responsibility of both of you, and he just does not want to be faced with the results.

You did not state how old you were or if this is your first long relationship, but you'll be better off by asking someone else for a ride in the future.

It's really sad that we women have to go through this type of rejection so often in our lives, but you are not alone in this. We all go through it and hopefully, it makes us stronger. Yes, it sounds like a standard phrase, but really, we DO all go through this, and there is nothing we can do to get the jerks back. For some of us, it hurts a longer time than most, but it WILL go away - once you go out and start living without him in the center of your world.

Advice to you for the future is - never make a man the focal point of your life. Nobody should be FIRST, except for YOU! You should always keep that in mind before you make compromises that turn out making only you the loser. Again, no man, anywhere, is worth making yourself miserable over. You need a man that will respect you in public as well as in private. Too bad he's being childish about this break - but you'll meet someone who will treat you better - as you well deserve.


Keep us posted and let us know how you are managing - and don't let that nut get the best of you.




http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif
Never give up on yourself - start enjoying life and get to know yourself better. Lots of luck! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

I agree with others here who suggest letting go. It has been my experience that when I was not in good shape I attracted someone very much like who you attracted as a result. I was so sad. I learned that I needed to do some work on me. It turned out the best place to do that is while not in a relationship (so it was a good thing my relationship with him ended). I found myself eventually in the company of good friends who told me the truth and supported my personal growth. I got better so all of it got better, including who I attracted. Take it easy on yourself, take time off from the dating scene, take time to develop your interests and abilities. Explore the world. Let time and your efforts make it better the next time because, like Chery said, you'll be better and wiser too!

Unfortuately I agree with the everyone.

I also am pretty sure there is another woman. Break/space 90% of the time means there is another woman/man and they are trying to figure out that relationship. I think that even more because he has been rude and inconsiderate of you. Just the facts.

NOW you're putting even MORE pressure on him by asking to clarify the relationship.

I think he has pretty much given you EVERY anser you need - it's time to move on - QUIT ALL contact with him for at 2 months - NOTHING - at this point you come across as needy and desperate.

Chery is right about the 'pedestal' thing - we have big heart ache when we put too much importance on a your significant other.

You signifcant other is part of your life - never your life.

Do not contact him - he does not deserve it right now. You need to PROVE you have moved then maybe he might come back.

AND NO! You don't sit down and talk with him - YOU CAN'T CONVINCE SOEMOENE TO LOVE YOU... move on, give him his space.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tirednhurt86

hey everyone,

I want this relationship to work out so badly ill do anything for us to give it one last try- and if it then still is bad we know we tried the hardest we could. but anyhow, what should i say when we sit down and talk? i have some ideas, but id like a little outsider advie- thanks so much!

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Hi dear!
The only advice I would give is that you cancel this meeting.
I chose to quote these specific lines you wrote because there's something very important here: you say that you want this relationship to work_ but he shows in every possible manner that he doesn't.
He said he wants a break, but he really wants to end it.
Let him go, it will be much better for you, in spite of the way you feel right now.
You asked for this meeting, he might make it look like he's doing a favour. No one has a right to favor the other for being in a relationship - it's a happy situation for both, or it's not a real relationship at all.
Stop asking him ti give you a ride - it shows your weakness, your dependency, makes him feel important.
What if he wasn't there - how would you get to work?
There's nothing good for you there, just move on, and get the best of this situation, which is to be more independent next time, and not give anyone the possibility to be rude to you, with or without other people around.
I know you'll get through - we're much stronger than what we think.
Good luck to you, and take care,
Millie

You say that you want desperately to give this relationship one last try but why? Did you have his love, respect and admiration before? If so, what changed? You don't need to sit down and ask him that, you were in the relationship with him so you should know... dont you think? Just because you want something doesn't mean it's good for you.

Wildcat is right, most of the time a break is asked for, from men as well as women, it usually involves someone else. Either someone who is already there or the possibility of someone. He asked for the break, so give it to him, in every sense of the word. No contact for any reason. Take the bus if you have to, it's worth the buck or two you pay to keep your dignity in tact. That he was rude and allowed his friend to be a jerk to you was wrong, to sit back and take it and then ask for another ride was even worse. Why should he respect you if you're not willing to respect and stand up for yourself? Honestly, if a boy ever treated me that way (and I say boy cause he clearly doesn't know how men should treat ladies) I would rip up his boyfriend card for good and move on. It may hurt, but that's the kind of hurt you get over in time and with less scars than the hurt you get when you allow yourself to be humiliated by a type like that.

Move on, don't look back or you can't move forward. It's hard but you're not the first to go through it and you won't be the last. Be true to yourself and this will only make you stronger and wiser. You'll be much more selective the next time you meet someone and if he is a good guy who respects you, you'll recognize it and reciprocate it.

Couples with healthy relationships don't want a break ,they just keep working on the relationship through all obstacles. Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off your goal.