I don't know whether I may have depression or need to talk to a therapist or what so I thought I would start here. From about 4 months ago, I have really felt like something is emotionally wrong with me. But first a little about me and where I am coming from.

I am a 20 year old college student. My father passed away suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of 45 when I was 15 years old. After about a month later life turned back into as normal as it could be after going through that. I had girlfriends and friends and seemed as if I was going to be OK. At the age of 18, I broke up with my girlfriend after being together for a year and a half (my first love) the summer before my first year in college. Although we had a long relationship and were in love, she was very manipulative and constantly degraded me in an effort to be in control of the relationship, being the reason why I eventually ended it. Although I feel like it was the right thing to do and now have no real feelings for her, it seems that from then on things have been going downhill.

I feel like it was about a year later after the breakup when I started to actually feel like there might really be something wrong with me. My emotions that I feel everyday are either nothing or depressed. I constantly worry about things and feel very lonely at times. I can't even remember the last time I actually felt happy or enjoyed life. I have one best friend, but due to our new college lives we rarely get to see each other. Every now and then I will have depression periods where I feel like I'm wasting my life away or nobody really cares about me. I try to psych myself out of it and say that I can control how I live my life or how I feel, but no matter what I can not get rid of the way I feel every day. I feel like I have no confidence or pride in myself anymore, I am also most of the time pretty shy and constantly worried about what other people think of me in every way.

I guess if anyone can help me or help me understand what I should do or what's wrong with me then your opinion or guidance would greatly be appreciated.

It sounds like you definitely have depression and possibly post traumatic stress disorder. I would see a therapist to work things out and maybe get on meds to help you cope with things. Sometimes it takes awhile for things to hit you and to really sink in. your fathers death would be cause for the post traumatic stress disorder and that, plus the break up of your first love, has just added to your depression. You will feel better when you talk things out with a therapist and get things in order. I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do.

I would recommend talking to a counselor. They are trained to help treat people in your condition. I personally have seen one several times, and was referred to an MD for medication. Or you could go see your family doctor and they could treat you with medication. Personally, I would recommend a therapist, as in my experience that has helped more than the medication. A therapist can help you work through and understand what is going on. They may also do a combination treatment of medication and counseling. I wish you nothing but the best in life. But I do urge you to go see someone and get your life back on track so that you can enjoy life. You are young, have you're whole life ahead of you... take control of your life and the way to start that is to admit that you may need additional help.

See your family doctor and get checked to rule-out the possibility of physical disease.

PTSD is unlikely unless you forgot to mention if you were exposed to severe trauma like combat, sexual abuse, plane crash, etc.

Therapy may help, if you can afford it. Some people need medication. Many people are medicated unnecessarily. That decision needs to be made by you and your MD.

If your physical is good, some things that someone your peer group may want to observe:

How much/often do you drink alcohol? Have you recently started taking any new medication? Recreational drugs?

You mention you are lonely; by your own admission you are isolated, so that's not very shocking. You describe yourself as very turned inward, with constant thoughts about yourself. The solution is becoming turned outward again. It requires action. You cannot think your way out of depression. It won't be easy, at first, and the results aren't immediate.

Fellowship cures loneliness. Charity (helping others) cures depression. If you have religious leanings, prayer is a spiritually sound practice that centers emotions. Physical activity also helps the mind and body (walking, golf, tennis... )

You may try getting involved in your local church activities, campus groups, volunteer work. Put yourself in places where you can be of service to others. These actions will take you out of your head.

With that said, take all advice in the forums with some degree of skepticism--and see a doctor! No one here can experience you face to face, or knows what's really going on in your life.

Best wishes in your recovery.

I would guess that you are trapped behind a wall of unexpressed emotions, emotions concerning the death of your father like grief and depression and rage and more, plus unexpressed feelings concerning your relationship with your girlfriend... these unexpressed negative emotions can really damage how you relate to your life in the present.

Go to your physician and get a referral to a talented therapist... when there, *pour your guts out*, spare nothing. :)

Best wishes to you in the future, you deserve resolution and happiness. :)

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Originally Posted by jrisi

I dont know whether i may have depression or need to talk to a therapist or what so i thought i would start here. From about 4 months ago, i have really felt like something is emotionally wrong with me. But first a little about me and where i am coming from.

I am a 20 year old college student. My father passed away suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of 45 when i was 15 years old. After about a month later life turned back into as normal as it could be after going through that. I had girlfriends and friends and seemed as if i was going to be ok. At the age of 18, i broke up with my girlfriend after being together for a year and a half (my first love) the summer before my first year in college. Although we had a long relationship and were in love, she was very manipulative and constantly degraded me in an effort to be in control of the relationship, being the reason why i eventually ended it. Although i feel like it was the right thing to do and now have no real feelings for her, it seems that from then on things have been going downhill.

I feel like it was about a year later after the breakup when i started to actually feel like there might really be something wrong with me. My emotions that i feel everyday are either nothing or depressed. I constantly worry about things and feel very lonely at times. I can't even remember the last time i actually felt happy or enjoyed life. I have one best friend, but due to our new college lives we rarely get to see each other. Every now and then i will have depression periods where i feel like im wasting my life away or nobody really cares about me. I try to psych myself out of it and say that i can control how i live my life or how i feel, but no matter what i can not get rid of the way i feel every day. I feel like i have no confidence or pride in myself anymore, i am also most of the time pretty shy and constantly worried about what other people think of me in every way.

I guess if anyone can help me or help me understand what i should do or whats wrong with me then your opinion or guidance would greatly be appreciated.

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That is why I am on Cymbalta- I didn't lose my father at 15 but
I've been through too much for a person my age (21)
I agree w/ Choux talk to your physician-
Ps. Zoloft rarely works for sever depression (said to me by my therapist)

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Originally Posted by dontbefooled

See your family doctor and get checked to rule-out the possibility of physical disease.

PTSD is unlikely unless you forgot to mention if you were exposed to severe trauma like combat, sexual abuse, plane crash, etc.

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UM, I would say losing a father at a young age would classify as severe trauma.

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Originally Posted by CHRISSYS-ANGEL

UM, i would say losing a father at a young age would classify as severe trauma.

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Untimely death of a parent is a terrible thing filled with grief and heartbreak for one so young, but it is an unlikely cause of PTSD.

Post traumatic stress disorder is an anxiety disorder caused by exposure to an event in which severe physical harm happens or is threatened. It is characterized by symptoms of persistent re-experiencing of the traumatic event, dissociative flashbacks, nightmares and sometimes hallucinations. Crime and war victims, combat veterans, and victims of natural or man-made disasters are the typical sufferers.

This young person's life is filled with loss and grief, emotions which need an outlet and resolution. Choux had the most salient advice.

The first step is to rule-out physical conditions with a physical exam. If the physical is clean, the physician can then recommend appropriate psychiatric counseling.

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Originally Posted by jrisi

My father passed away suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of 45 when i was 15 years old. After about a month later life turned back into as normal as it could be after going through that.

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I don't think you have properly grieved for your father. A month and then everything's okay again? I don't think so. Your symptoms say otherwise.

Sure, people grieve in all different ways, but he died without warning and at a fairly young age (and you were at a vulnerable age just beginning to figure out who you are). What have you done to work through his death? Do you talk about him often with family members and people who knew him? Have you done anything to memorialize him, such as purchasing a book on something he enjoyed or knew a lot about and donating it in his memory to the local public library, or planting a tree in his memory, or being part of a larger effort to remember him through a scholarship in his name?

Like Choux said, find and meet with a relationship or grief counselor to resolve this, and also work on bringing closure on your part to the great relationship you had with your girlfriend, your first love.

I'm going to stop trying to help people, because every time I give advice, someone else comes comes up saying I'm wrong. Some people on here are very cocky and seem to think they know everything. My partner happens to suffer from ptsd, so I have studied a lot on it. But, that's OK, I don't know anything.

By the way, ptsd is also caused by emotional stress, not just physical stress, which is what the original poster says they suffer from, unless you think that the therapist that told my partner that, doesn't know what they are talking about.

Life use to suck for me!! I know of some personal training that would assist you in a big way... I have several buddies that went through the same thing and they did the training and the results were amazing. I did it... my wife did it and my 20 year old daughter did it along with scores of friends now. The results is proof enough for me to have anyone go through it. If you are interested contact me for more info.

From the information given, it would be impossible, and no one should, attempt to render a diagnosis. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Depression and many other mental disorders have very specific diagnostic criteria under the DSM-IV, the standard classification of mental disorders, published by the American Psychiatric Socitey.

The only person qualified to make a diagnosis and prescribe a treatment plan is a mental health practitioner who is LICENSED by your state. Your symptoms are obviously causing you a lot of difficulty. There are a lot of resources available nowadays and no need to continue suffering. Most family doctors can usually give you a referral. Good luck.

DrBob