We've been dating for 7 years. We've been through a lot, more than we both can put behind us. I am to needy, I don't leave the house, I don't work, or have any friends, So I rely on him for all my happiness. I have pushed him away, he doesn't spend time with me, he is not compassionate, affectionate. He breaks all his promises and doesn't keep his word. He is secretive, mentally abusive, physically abusive. He won't call all day. Even after he has gotten off work at 2:30 and now its 9 p.m. He acts as if everything should be fine when he gets home, he never talks about what he has been doing, and he never ask me about my day. I will let him know what I need and he will take it all away. He will not give in, I have to, if he thinks I am still in a bad mood, he will treat me awful, and its OK for him to do this to me. He makes me feel bad about myself, how I talk and look. Says I am mentally crazy, that I am stupid, I am not a good friend.

Then he will say I love you, why don't you believe me, I want us to be together. I have ran off my family, because they are tired of the way he treats me, and I will not leave him. I have a few times, but we always get back together. But now after all that has happened this past year, I am now having severe depression, I don't ever leave my house, I have no one to talk to. I am here at this house 24/7. I am not the same person as I use to be. I loved going out, working, spending time with family. Now, I barely go outside. I sit in here all day being sad, tired, abandoned.

I am doing all the wrong things according to Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars. I was never taught how to be a woman to a man. Now I think it is to late for me and John, he has even said that I am pushing him away, and boy does he show it. I have a lot of anger issues from my past still. Mainly toward my mother for not being a better mother and teaching me how to be a better citizen, and a better person. All she taught was anger, abuse, abandonment, hate, and guilt.

I have been a self destructing person all my life. The cycle never ends, I am doomed to be unhappy, and to make everyone else unhappy and to hate me. THat is all I am good for.

I guess my question would be, is how after all these years, the first time in your life you have been settled for more than just a couple of years. Just give up on all that I know. What do I do, where do I go? I have nothing and no one, I need a support group, but I won't leave the house, because I don't want to be around people. I am afraid to go out their. What is wrong with me? I have never felt this way before. I hate how it feels.

I just don't want to carry on, but for some reason God wants me here, I should have died a few years ago, no way should I still be breathing, but yet here I am. But for what reason, to live in torture? like the rest of my life has been, he has seen (God) what I am, and that I can not change, yet he still made me breath, why?

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Originally Posted by Maria1977

He is secretive, mentally abusive, physically abusive.

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After 7 years of dating you may feel like it is impossible to leave. You have begun to believe in lies and they are shaping the way you view your life, yourself, the world, and God.

#1 "He will not give in, I have to."
#2 "He will treat me awful, and its ok for him to do this to me."
#3 "I will not leave him."
#4 "I have no one to talk to."
#5 "I am not the same person as I use to be."
#6 "I am doomed to be unhappy, and to make everyone else unhappy."
#7 "[I am doomed to make everyone else hate me] THat is all I am good for."
#8 "I have nothing and no one."
#9 "I should have died a few years ago."
#10 "I can not change."

You do not have to give in. It is not OK for him to abuse you in any way. You can leave him, you've done it before and now have even more reasons to leave. You are not alone. You are the same person, that is why you are unhappy. You were meant for more than this.

You can be happy again. You have so much to offer if you could only believe in yourself. You are not alone. Your life is a gift and your life has already changed. If you can change once than you can change twice.

You already know what you want, what you need. STOP making excuses and leave, open the door and be free.

If there aren't any children involved... then I say (as I did 9 years ago)

YOU PACK UP AND LEAVE... YOU NEVER TALK ABOUT HIM, NEVER TELL ANYONE ABOUT HIM (other than a therapist), YOU BECOME THE PERSON YOU HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE!

Free yourself. Follow yours dreams. Just pack up and go.

In theory this sounds difficult... in reality is wasn't all that hard and I got away with my life and a chance to have a happy one at that!

I did a midnight moveout... while he was gone, I was rescued and that was it.

I didn't owe him an explanation (he knew what he had done)

I made out OK too... much happier now than I would have been... heck... I would have been dead...

It sounds like you are depressed at minimun. And no wonder, everything is very overwhelming to you right now! That can affect your ability to think clearly especially when you are in such a depressing situation.

One of the first major steps you can take is to see a dr to find out if some meds are warranted. It sounds like you are not far from getting to a point where suicide seems like a good idea & that would be a worse trajedy.

Second, finding a professional nearby that can help you sort out what steps you can take to get yourself into a better place is something you should do for yourself too. That will help you with your anger issues & to help you heal from the past you had no control over & the present that you have full control over. You can't control anyone else, but you do have choices that can significantly improve your life if you make the needed efforts, even if just one baby step at a time.

Support groups are important & very easy to have with the internet so you don't even have to leave your house. There are tons of them. Just Google depression support groups to find them like this:

depression support groups - Google Search

Here is another helpful depression support group link:

Depression Support Groups

Something else that may help you is to see on this site how many of the negative mindsets listed there you are trapped by right now. Maybe that help let you see why things feel so hopeless to you right now when there are things you can do to get out of the situation you are in. They are explained in more detail if you go to this link:

13 Negative Motivation Patterns- The Book Share

Thirteen Negative Motivation Patterns
According to Burns, there's 13 procrastination and do-nothingism mindsets:

• Hopelessness
• Helplessness
• Overwhelming Yourself
• Jumping to Conclusions
• Self-labeling
• Undervaluing the Rewards
• Perfectionism
• Fear of Failure
• Fear of Success
• Fear of Disapproval or Criticism
• Coercion and Resentment
• Low Frustration Tolerance
• Guilt and Self-blame

Something tells me getting rid of him from your life, will give you a chance to love yourself again. Do you have family, or at least a friend, to help you at this time??

T is right. You say you have "run off" your family, but you may be pleasantly surprised that if you reached out to them they would be happy to be able to be there for you. It's worth a try...