I had been dating my ex boyfriend for nearly 3 years. We have been very off and on (max of a month) but we had always gotten back together.
We were really close, did everything together and told each other everything. We spoke about marriage etc but slowly he seemed to distance himself from me.

When I asked him about it, he would get upset and call me paranoid and everything else. Until finally he admitted his feelings changed. I don't understand how, or why this happened and he can not give me an answer.

We decided we can no longer contact each other as he has told me there is no way we can get back together. Im so confused because I don't understand what went wrong in the first place. His mum as told me he has a history of this, to just walk away from relationships and has the ability to switch off his feelings for someone.

Meanwhile, I am sitting here, broken hearted. I lost the person I thought I was spending my life with. I can't let go of all the happy memories we had and how close we were. And I'm running through my head what happened and how he can do this.

I am so scared I will never meet someone like him again, who I loved unconditionally. And its like in my head, I can't accept that its over. How can I accept this and how long will this raw hurt and pain I'm feeling take to go away. I know I shouldn't contact him, but I just want to call him and hear his voice. But its at the stage now where he doesn't answer and I'm just even more upset.

How can I let go from what I wanted so badly?

He must have been hurt, too. But it's his decision to move on without you.

It will hurt you more if you keep trying to reach him so stop trying. May be burn a picture of the two of you to symbolize your letting go. Because calling him is a symbol of you "making a fool of yourself". I mean it did make you feel small, right?
That's one thing. Reconnecting with your friends will really help, too. Have good times and good laugh together.

Your feelings are quite normal. Sorry to hear your plight but this just needs time. Its not easy but you can make it easier on yourself by letting it go and starting your healing process sooner.

There is some real good reading on this site which may help you out and also to see your not alone.

So just come on here and vent whenever you need a pick me up.

Good Luck!

Yeah thanks for the advice. I don't think ill ever understand what happened and I don't think he will ever tell me. I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason and something is stopping us from being together. And right now I'm hurting, but I'm just trying to focus on the future and all the fun that is to be had.

Its so silly, I look at other people and just wish I could be like them and not have this pain of losing him on my mind all the time and can't wait till I get to the point where all I think about is myself, friends and family and he doesn't cross my mind. Because right now, he is there in my mind 24/7 and I'm always checking my phone to see if he has called, which of course he has not.

And yes I feel so small when I do contact him and even smaller when he doesn't pick up. Argh!

We all go through this at one point in time, so you are not alone. He was happy with the way things were, so he didn't want what you wanted, a lifetime together. It will take time, and some work on your part, but you can move on. Start with No Contact, and read the stickies at the beginning of this forum, for some insights, and suggestions, about your situation. Sorry for your loss.

I went through the same thing. I was crushed when my GF ended it. I thought she was the one. I had a hard time letting go and I made some poor decisions that let me keep some connection with her but just prolonged the pain. I finally severed that connection recently and now I regret I tried to keep the connection in the first place but am happy I have finally severed it. While I will never fully understand why she left me and feel I may never find another I connected with like that, I have come to terms with it being over and now am on the path to recovery. It just takes time. Learn from my mistake and let go and sever all ties as soon as you can.

How old are you?

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Originally Posted by scorpio80

I had been dating my ex boyfriend for nearly 3 years. We have been very off and on (max of a month) but we had always gotten back together.
We were really close, did everything together and told each other everything. We spoke about marraige etc but slowly he seemed to distance himself from me.

When I asked him about it, he would get upset and call me paranoid and everything else. until finally he admitted his feelings changed. I dont understand how, or why this happened and he can not give me an answer.

We decided we can no longer contact each other as he has told me there is no way we can get back together. Im so confused because I dont understand what went wrong in the first place. His mum as told me he has a history of this, to just walk away from relationships and has the ability to switch off his feelings for someone.

meanwhile, i am sitting here, broken hearted. I lost the person i thought i was spending my life with. i can't let go of all the happy memories we had and how close we were. and im running thru my head what happened and how he can do this.

I am so scared i will never meet someone like him again, who i loved unconditionally. and its like in my head, I can't accept that its over. How can i accept this and how long will this raw hurt and pain im feeling take to go away. I know i shouldnt contact him, but i just want to call him and hear his voice. but its at the stage now where he doesnt answer and im just even more upset.

how can i let go from what i wanted so badly?

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Your only chance for reconcilliation is to have no contact with your ex under any circumstances. I'm going through a similar thing and have in the past. When younger I would keep ringing and texting after a break up and I think this only confirmed their decision to break it off.
When he has no contact from you, he can then start thinking about things. Don't worry about him being in a new relationship just yet as rebound relationships seldom last. If things were good with you, he'll remember those times and who knows what the future holds. Don't expect him to contact you ever again... but staying out of his life is your only chance. Who knows, you may have moved on if he ever does.
You must get out there and improve yourself. Talk to people and friends to get things off your chest. Don't stay in your room and analyse every facet of your ex and the relationship. It's not easy and I'm feeling your pain right now as I'm going through a similar expereience. Give him time to miss you but Don't wait around. I'm no expert as I've asked a question as well today, but I hope this helps.

As others have stated... it takes time... you can't see it right now because your feelings are still fresh and you may cry for 3 months straight before you get out in to the "world" again...

But 8 years later when you run in to him... I think you'll find yourself scratching your head and possibly trying to remember why you were soooo in love with him anyway.

;)

This is CRAZY!! I'm going through the same situation..!

My advice to you (cause I did this same thing): Get rid of every picture, delete facebook/myspace (or both), change your phone number and every single item you have that reminds you of him needs to go. Do what you want with it, but DO NOT keep them around you. The time is now for you to get yourself together. Step #1 of this process is letting go... AKA the emotional detox period. It will take time, but the more you do these small things the more he is systematically deleted from your life. Change up your daily routine, whatever you have to do. This is the hardest step (#1), but after you get done with this step, it gets A LOT easier from here. Sorry for your loss! Believe me, you are not the only one going through this pain right now. This sight wouldn't exist if you were... good luck.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

My advice to you (cause I did this same thing): Get rid of every picture, delete facebook/myspace (or both), change your phone number and every single item you have that reminds you of him needs to go. Do what you want with it, but DO NOT keep them around you. The time is now for you to get yourself together. Step #1 of this process is letting go...AKA the emotional detox period. It will take time, but the more you do these small things the more he is systematically deleted from your life. Change up your daily routine, whatever you have to do. This is the hardest step (#1), but after you get done with this step, it gets A LOT easier from here. Sorry for your loss! Believe me, you are not the only one going through this pain right now. This sight wouldn't exist if you were...good luck.

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SO TRUE!! Can't stress that enough... I needed to hear that as well...

And believe me you are not the only one!!!

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

This is CRAZY!!! I'm going through the exact same situation...!!!

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Yup descrbing me to a tee. Except my ex cheated on me.

Here is what I learned in this situation (mind you, I am not out of the woods yet): I WAS an extremely "macho" guy. I am a pretty big guy, was a police officer for awhile, and really thought nothing could touch me. Then came my ex. For four and a half years we lived a life I never saw myself living. It was awesome and I loved every minute of it, no matter how bad some of the tiimes were. She was my first love and I don't regret anything. In late August she broke up with me. At any rate, I remember the day after my Birthday, a few weeks ago, when I went to my parents house and just cried my eyes out. The night previously, I had found out my ex was already dating someone, only a few weeks after she dumped me. It hurt, and I mean it hurt. I have dealt with physical pain before, but nothing like this. I remember my mom looking at me and telling me she had never been so proud of me as she was then, when I was at my weakest. Her direct quote, "I never imagined you would have the capability and capacity to love as much as you loved her. I know now we did a great job raising you."

It was this wake up call that made me turn a different page. I got up, did things for myself, changed a lot, not to get her back but to make myself better. I started to love myself. That is the most important lesson you learn from a break up. You are alone, afraid, ashamed, whatever... your pride is just in pieces. Then you pick yourself up, do good for you, and you know what, you come out a MUCH stronger person because you fix yourself. When you "unconditionally love" yourself, you will then be able to tackle anything in life.

What is my point here?? You are strong enough to open your heart to someone. That is an awesome accomplishment in itself. Now, you will learn to not be afraid and to love yourself more than ever. It is then that you really start to enjoy life, way more than you did before you broke up.

Lastly, we have all been there and some of us are still there. I came on here and people ran to help me without a single judgement whatsoever. That is why I am here. To pay that back to people like you who are so hurt and so alone. Stay strong and we will all always be here to help.

You will look back in 6 months at where you are now, and you will be AMAZED at how much you've grown.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

What is my point here??? You are strong enough to open your heart to someone. That is an awesome accomplishment in itself. Now, you will learn to not be afraid and to love yourself more than ever. It is then that you really start to enjoy life, way more than you did before you broke up.

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Listen to this man..!

It really is true.. time heals everything.

I went n/c with my ex of 2 and a half years. After 6 months I was over her..

For the first few months I would have done anything to get her back but still stayed N/C despite bumping into her a few times. After 6 months, I thought I was over her.. I was a lot happier than I had been in a long time when I thought I was over her.

Unfortunately, she came back to me and we tried to patch things up and now I'm right back in square one.. now I know I have to move on.

Give it time. Use the energy you would have thinking about him, elsewhere. Start the gym, do things differently, buy new clothes and get a new haircut. You'll get there.

Times on your side.

Sorry I've not been using the net much latley and just got all your great replies..

Arghh the worst thing possible happened. O discovered this whole time he's been "trying" to sort things out, he's also been seeing another ex girlfriend..

I can't believe this is happened and that I fell for his lies. I hadn't seen him in weeks and he started contacting me, turned up at work and I caved and went out for dinner. The next day I got the news through a friend about what he had been doing.

He claims he didn't have the guts to tell me what he had done and is sorry etc etc. but whilst I'm sitting here breaking my heart he's run back to this girl and is happy as anything!

I have said this so many times, but this is it. I finally can see this for what it is. I have to move on, one small tiny step at a time. I have gotten rid of everything to do with him for now, deleted friends and family off facebook/myspace.

This is the hardest thing to do, but I keep reminding myself that I'm not alone and other people go through this too. I'm just scared I won't find someone who I feel the same way about ever again and I keep seeing them together and it hurts :(

You will find someone else, but for right now you need not worry about that. Just worry about yourself and getting yourself together. You think every guy acts like he did? No! Of course there is someone better out there, otherwise the world would be a sad place. It is hard, but well worth it in the end.

You can't love someone else right now as you don't have control over your own heart. You need to get that back and be able to stand on your own two feet before you can think about being with someone else.