Ask Me Help Desk - Casual sex is it OK

Hello every body I am clueless I have been out of the dating game for about 16 yrs there's a young man flirting quite often at first I just ignored him but I said OK go for started flirting back it felt strange since I haven't done this in so long well he waited until no one was around and proposition for sexual gradification w/o ties or obligation at first I was insulted but thought well maybe I spoke with some friends and they say this is common for a person whose not looking for a relationship I had been with the same man for 16 yrs never outside my marriage here I am back on the scene clueless I like the guy but he 's younger than me he thought I was younger than him. He has been flirting with me for about 5-6 months I approach him and asked him when he was going to take me out he said we were both consenting adults and if we went out what difference would it make I thought what a jerk but he came back and tried to clean it up cause he knew I was a little ticked at him I have not been with anyone in 3.5 yrs and really like him how can I displace these feelings I have been hit on by other guys but was never attracted to any of them should I sleep with him I guess this is referred to as casual sex also will he disrespect me afterwards I 'm not easy at all.I'm soooo confused and lost I need to know the game oh we work in the same bldg I have NEVER had anything to do with any body on my job before he tells me physical contact is good sex is good for the mind and body I understand that but how do I know if his intentions are good not that Im looking for a relationship but someone to talk to besides my young kids how can I propose this question to him how do you share your body with someone and detach feelings and emotions I have to like you a little to go there but since I have been out of the playing fields so long I feel lost can someone please give me a tune up

Even if you want "casual" sex, don't do it with people from work, it will effect your work at some point normally.

I would say that sex should be between two people who are married or at least have a longer term serious relationship.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Butterfly300

hello every body I am clueless I have been out of the dating game for about 16 yrs theres a young man flirting quite often at first I just ignored him but I said ok go for started flirting back it felt strange since I havent done this in so long well he waited until no one was around and proposition for sexual gradification w/o ties or obligation at first I was insulted but thought well maybe I spoke with some friends and they say this is common for a person whose not looking for a relationship I had been with the same man for 16 yrs never outside my marriage here I am back on the scene clueless I like the guy but he 's younger than me he thought I was younger than him. He has been flirting with me for about 5-6 months I approach him and asked him when he was going to take me out he said we were both consenting adults and if we went out what difference would it make I thought what a jerk but he came back and tried to clean it up cause he knew I was a little ticked at him I have not been with anyone in 3.5 yrs and really like him how can I displace these feelings I have been hit on by other guys but was never attracted to any of them should I sleep with him I guess this is referred to as casual sex also will he disrespect me afterwards I 'm not easy at all.I'm soooo confused and lost I need to know the game oh we work in the same bldg I have NEVER had anything to do with any body on my job before he tells me physical contact is good sex is good for the mind and body I understand that but how do I know if his intentions are good not that Im looking for a relationship but someone to talk to besides my young kids how can I propose this question to him how do you share your body with someone and detach feelings and emotions I have to like you a little to go there but since I have been out of the playing fields so long I feel lost can someone please give me a tune up

Its difficult when you have come out of a relationship. You need to start somewhere. Don't just go around sleeping with guys for the sake of feeling 'wanted'. Long time that will effect yourself esteem, wait and look around. This guy has made it obvious that he only wants sex, its your choice whether you do it as you're an adult but unless you can detach yourself from feelings and emotions your going to get hurt.

I get the feeling from what you have written that deep down you don't really want to just have sex with him , I feel you are probably contemplating it as a ways of maybe getting him to get closer to you.

I don't think this will work as he has clearly stated that if it were to happen it would be JUST sex and nothing more.

As Fr_chuck said , you will have to see him at work each day and if you get emotionally attached after sex you're the one who will be back here asking questions again like "why doesn't he like me" etc.

Good luck whatever you decide.

If he is trolling for sex at work I would:

A) Find out how many others he's flirted with an scored with at work
B) Find out if he is married, or in a relationship outside of work (work is an easy place to hide an affair)
C) If he is in a position higher than you, do NOT go for this, once it is over, and it WILL come to an end. You WILL never be promoted within the company, as he will want to distance himself from you at all levels.

No, it is a bad idea, you shouldn't do it.

Set the bar a little bit higher for yourself, and first have a meaningful relationship before you give yourself physically to someone.

You will be left lonely and empty, he will be left with another notch in his belt.

Let him get his jollies with other like-minded individuals.