I have been with my boyfriend for four months, it's not long at all so what I am writing about seems really uncommon well to what I have come across before...

We got together at the end of April, and we've been together everyday since then nothing can tear us apart, but at the beginning of the relationship he use to be so passionate and loving and caring and now I am lucky if I get a cuddle on the sofa and a peck on the lips and sex once a week.

I am 18 and he is 28 so of course he is not going to be into everything like I am but, I thought well he was passionate at the beginning why has he stopped now... I resent him for it maybe its not fair for me to, but I feel like he would prefer to be somewhere else, with someone else...

I'd just like some advice really...

I just want him to snog me!! Aargh

The initial excitement of the first weeks of a new relationship will be the most intense... but they do taper off to a plateau where they can remain for decades. Keep inmind that level is not Brother/sister type stuff. But less than the initial level of excitement. Maybe the newness wore off a little faster for him than it has for you. Particularly since as you said you are together every day, and what hasn't been said but I am guessing most of your free waking hours.

But the tapering off to once a week isn't exactly normal. Not at that age anyway.

Only a four month relationship, girl... and he isn't interested in sex with you? Does he have a wife or another girlfriend?

He is really too old for you, there is a world of life experience he has, and you have not so much but teenagers dreams. You are at a great disadvantage because of that. :)

Take good care and have a quiet talk with him.

Good point about the age difference. The maturity gap between 18 and 28 is greater than 28 to 58.

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Originally Posted by Choux

Only a four month relationship, girl...and he isn't interested in sex with you? Does he have a wife or another girlfriend?

He is really too old for you, there is a world of life experience he has, and you have not so much but teenagers dreams. You are at a great disadvantage because of that. :)

Take good care and have a quiet talk with him.

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No he doesn't have a wife or another girlfriend, I live with him so I would know, plus his family would tell me they are all really close.

He says he loves me all the time and gets upset if I say I am going to leave...

I am now just thinking its down to stress at work

If it bothers you so much why not just tell him how would he know if you not telling him how you feel. If you really like him and want something to work than you need to communicate with him for no one is mind readers so just be honest with him that all you can do. For he may think that he is doing any thing wrong and it is all great.

Well, stress can absolutely kill libido... but that is not an excuse to be a long term lazy lover. We all get into ruts. It happens. You get sick. You get distracted. You have anxiety about things outside the bedroom that affect inside the bedroom.

Been there, done it. Had it done (or not) to me.

But this question does get asked over and over. And sometimes it's the other person wasn't ever as sexual as they appeared to be when you were chasing each other. Some people thrive off the "i havent been with her/him" idea, push hard to satiate that desire, but later fall back to their "normal", baseline, lower libido level.

Honest truth is nobody can tell you what's up. It could be he liked the chase more than being caught. It could be his life outside the bedroom is stalling him for the moment.

You must be able to talk to a lover about sex if you want it to be satisfying for both. Couples who are serious need to be able to say "i need (whatever)" and not have it be an accusation of neglect or inspiration of guilt. You need to be able to talk about sex.

One way to do this is to share a book about sex, sexual tension, and relationships. When my partner bought and read She Comes First: A Thinking Man's Guide To Pleasuring a Woman, you'd better believe I picked it up immediately after her and read it. Looked at the pages she dogeared. When I read Tantra : The Art of Conscious Loving, she immediately followed. When she bought a book on sensual touch and massage, I noticed it. We read, share, and talk about what we've read. And somehow talking about the book allows you to discuss a "problem" without it being so personal.

When we were having issues some time back with each feeling like the other wasn't interested we shared Chapman's Five Love Languages and we saw that we were just missing each others cues, missing the attention that was being expressed through means other than touch.

So... don't be afraid to grab a few books and explore... then try to share them perhaps... if he takes offense to your wanting to talk about sex... if he is constantly defensive... it's a red flag. Sexual incompatibility with an otherwise great partner IS an issue long term.

Its fine to be in a rut. Happens to us all. Its no excuse for him to remain an unattentive lover or for you to do all the "heavy lifting" when it comes to your love life.

Hopefully you can find ways to talk about sex that presents itself in an "exploring" tone, instead of "we have to talk about this problem"... and hopefully he is mature enough to understand you learn to have a good sex life by talking about sex, needs, and desires openly.

Try spending some time apart - up to a week - its amazing what not being with someone who you love can do for remembering how to appreciate one another. When he realises how much he has missed you while you were away hopefully his behaviour will change when you return. Good luck!