My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 months now. We met at college, we're both 19. He tells me all the time how much he loves me and that I am the only one, etc etc. And I believe him, and feel the same way.
But.
I am an insane person. I know this. Most of the time I accept it and even sort of like it. But sometimes it causes problems. Such as being extremely jealous of his past relationships, that are in the past, that he is completely over.
Here's the biggest issue of them all: his most recent ex, the girl right before me. Caroline. I hate that name, by the way. But anyway... first of all, here's an interesting tidbit about Caroline. She is only fifteen years old. Yes, fifteen. And he's nineteen. When he told me that I could NOT believe it! I was like "WHAT!?!?!?!? are you kidding??? that's a joke!!!" (which was rude, I know, but I couldn't help it... ) and though he's explained to me how it happened, that it wasn't expected and it was a unique circumstance and all this stuff, I still just cannot understand or fathom it. She is a CHILD. She was just barely fourteen when they started dating, and he was already a senior in high school.
I'm not even nearly on the same league as her -- I'm far above it. And I don't mean that in a cocky or conceited way. But it's a true fact that a fifteen year old girl and a nineteen (almost twenty) year old woman are on different levels in so many ways - maturity, experience, emotional (and physical) development, to name a few.
So what I ask myself is, since this is the case, what do I have to be worried about? Nothing! There is no competition here. And yet -- if it's true that she's a child, who is immature, unexperienced and undeveloped, then what was it that attracted him to her? Why did he LOVE her? Yeah they dated for a year and three months and he said he looooove love loved her! Like possibly wanted to marry her in a few years! I DON'T GET IT!!
Though he tries to tell me he's over her, that he loves me now, etc... I still can't stop from being jealous of the feelings he had for her. Especially since they had only been broken up for like a month when we started dating (I didn't know that at the time). And for a while I thought that he had broken up with her, or it was mutual or something. But I just found out today that she was the one who broke up with him, and he says he tried sooooo hard to get back with her, sooooo hard, so many times. THAT DOES NOT HELP TAKE AWAY MY WORRY. What the heck!?
And even beyond Caroline. He has a lot of other exes, a lot of which he is friends with now. I do not like it at all that he is friends with his exes and still talks to them and hangs out with them. ESPECIALLY Caroline. And, his top 6 best friends are all girls. I can't take it. I am so super jealous of all of them. I don't want him to have anything to do with girls. I wish he had all guy friends.
I know I have no reason to be insecure (which is where jealousy comes from). I know he loves me, we're very serious and we want to get married (eventually), he thinks I'm the most beautiful and amazing girl in the whole world, more than anyone else he's ever known/met, etc. and he tells me these things constantly, and he constantly also has to remind me that he doesn't feel that way about his exes anymore, that I'm his only.
BUT I still cannot stop being jealous. I'm insane. I'm jealous of his PAST relationships. Something is wrong with me. And it's really starting to annoy him. But I don't know what to do.
Why can't I just get over it?
HOW can I stop being insecure?
How do I let go of all the jealousy????
(please don't just say "you need to work on your issues." actual advice would be appreciated, thanks... :) )