Ask Me Help Desk - Do I still have a shot to get her back

Do I still have a shot to get her back

Well I know this has been on here before, one guy holding on to the fact they want there ex back, but I'm not looking for what people have to say about other situations so I need to hear what you have to say about mine

My ex and I were together for a year, and in the last month of our relationship I fell apart, became needy and selfish at the same time, not a smart choice on my part. So she ended it, not bad like but told me she needed space and wanted to be with her friends for some time, but added that I really did hurt her. So I begged and pleaded for about 2 days then just went into no contact. For 4 days I didn't speak with her, I decied to try the dating thing, so I went out with another girl, nothing really happened and she kissed me. So I go to work the next day and a common friend of ours was talking to me and I had mentioned the other girl and this friend told me I should tell her and call her, So I did, not out of spite or anything. Well we talked for about 15 minutes at first and I told her things with me are going good and that I haven't let this bother me anymore that we broke up, I told her I didn't want to have a hole in my plate when there is so much on it, then I told her about the other girl, this phone call then lasted 4 hours. Now, this girl who said she needed out because of the bad things I did told me how could I do this, how could I just go with someone else when we just broke up and it wasn't right, so she started crying telling me that she has always loved me and still does, but now is not the time for her to have a relationship. So what do I do, your all probably thinking it, I went in to needy mode again. So I told her that I wanted her back and all that sappy stuff (which really does not work at all) and gave her flowers, she said to me again that right now she can not say yes then kissed (I was not expecting that). Then I asked her if we can go out on a date the next time she was up from college, so she said yes, OK not bad if you ask me. In that time she found out that another girl asked me out and got upset about it, so I called her which again was not the right choice, but I did and told her "look, if I need to move on let me know, I love you and its not easy for me too do, but if you want us to try to start again and to take things slow, well she wasn't very happy, completely aggrevated about this is saying it lightly. So I waited a day or so and I called her and told her very confidently that I was OK and I agreed with the break up, but I wanted to know if she still wanted to go out on a date, first she said what do you need me for you have other girls now, now she says she has to think about it. Ok no problem, so I said to her can I call you on Monday and she said yes, but since then I have noticed a lot of people saying just go no contact. So I never called her, though I wanted to. We have been broken up for a month today but in no contact for 4 days and I keep going to the gym and building my confidence and I plan on going no contact for about a month till I get my head on straight. So my question to all of you is this the right idea, will absence make the heart grow fonder and the thought of me moving on not calling her make me look mature and respect her needs? And one last question, does her reaction to what was said about me with the other girls make her still care, or just indifferent.

As we said before, go NO CONTACT.

See what you did? You asked her for a date, making the things harder on yourself and your ex as well.

Oh yeah, after she found out about my kissing the other girl, she tells me that one of her friends keeps asking her out but she says no, she not ready for anything yet

Quote:

Originally Posted by j_daniels55

Oh yeah, after she found out about my kissing the other girl, she tells me that one of her friends keeps asking her out but she says no, she not ready for anything yet

No wonder...

Your ex likes you but she feels insecure and confused what/who she wants.

You, on the other hand, need to keep your snake in your pants.

Sure, you 2 are broken up, but this issue is unresolved.

Man don't call her or do anything, I'm going through the same , but over a 4 year on and off relationship/best friendship , its been up and down. But since I broke of contact and just gave her distance she has come crawling back, keeps calling me, asking me questions wondering whyt this and why that, but I'm not sure if I should give in just yet, il wait it out a little bit longer, trust me it works even though it's the hardest thing youl ever have to do in your life. Read my post when you get time.

LOL hjpan, I do keep it in my pants, this girl kissed me, I know better.

turbogtir- I have read this book called "The Magic of Making Up", maybe you guys have heard of it, but it pretty much says no contact may bring them crawling back, to me it sounds harsh, but I guess if they tore your hear out there is a balance, maybe not.

Quote:

Originally Posted by j_daniels55

LOL hjpan, I do keep it in my pants, this girl kissed me, i know better.

turbogtir- I have read this book called "The Magic of Making Up", maybe you guys have heard of it, but it pretty much says no contact may bring them crawling back, to me it sounds harsh, but I guess if they tore your hear out there is a balance, maybe not.

Chances are... the partner doesn't crawl back unless SOMETHING happens

Quote:

Originally Posted by hjpan

Chances are... the partner doesn't crawl back unless SOMETHING happens

Something like what? Elobaroate man

Quote:

Originally Posted by turbogtir

something like what? elobaroate man

Parent injured, in debt & trouble with finance, in trouble with government/police
Friends injured...

And so forth

OK, can I just say, from a woman's point of view.. you both need to decide whether you're ever going to work on the relationship. If not, then you guys should just part ways. If you went out with someone else after only a few days, then you should just move on. Let me let you in on a little secret.. no girl is ever really that "confused" about what she wants. She either wants to be with you or not, it's that simple.
I say just let her know that either you guys continute to talk.. without the drama! Or just stop talking..

Quote:

Originally Posted by hjpan

Parent injured, in debt & trouble with finance, in trouble with government/police
Friends injured...

and so forth

So you rekn even if she has the same feelings she won't come back? That's eff'd up man lol
Man I'm in love with this chick, sometimes its so surreal and I ask myself am I really going through this?
I've just discovered everything that happens on this earth has to do with timing,good timing, the right timing, and if its not then your FUKD.

One thing no contact does, it cuts the drama, and confusion, and allows the emotional dust to settle, so you can make a decision based on facts, and not just intense feelings. You both need that.

I agree with Jax, as if someone wanted to be with you then they would be communicating, so you can work through things, not break up, and get mad because your not waiting for a change of mind.

Keep the no contact, and stay busy doing things you enjoy, and maybe stopped doing during the relationship. Your worst enemy is self pity, and inaction toward yourself.

I think you would agree, you have enough issues on your own to work on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by turbogtir

So you rekn even if she has the same feelings she wont come back? thats eff'd up man lol
man im in love with this chick, sometimes its so surreal and i ask myself am i really going through this?
iv just discovered everything that happens on this earth has to do with timing,good timing, the right timing, and if its not then your FUKD.

Yep =/
If she feels uncomfortable after with her friends and boyfriend, she'll run to you.

No contact is used to heal yourself and let the emotional dust settle, not to get someone back. Don't get your hopes up as they rarely come back and even less stay together. You need to cut contact, not for a month but longer. She wanted space so let her chose when she wishes to talk, and then you decide if you're ready to talk without begging her back

Tab, please read the forum guidelines for using a reddie.

Please learn how to read my posts, as I said NC isn't used to get someone back. I never said it doesn't bring them back.

Ok, So I'm at the point where if I called her I wouldn't be so panicy, I know this because until now checking what you guys have said I didn't really think about her all day, so what's my next step.

Your next step is the same as the one before, keep the NC going. It's working as you are thinking less and less of her and starting to heal completely. As tempting as it is don't pick at the scabs, sure you think you've healed by one fall and the wound is wide open again

Quote:

tabbarat disagrees: sometimes no contact gets them back..when the dust settles, she may realize she made a mistake by leaving u

Many, but not all who go through the healing process, don't want the ex back, and would rather move forward. NC gives you those choices back. It allows you to make better choices for yourself, based on facts and not just feelings.
Most times when they do comeback, the same things that broke you up before, are the same issues that break you up again.

These threads are a testament to that. Very few have gotten an ex back, and kept them, and though a few have (very few), most don't, so I wouldn't pin my hopes on that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by j_daniels55

Ok, So I'm at the point where if i called her I wouldn't be so panicy, I know this because until now checking what you guys have said I didn't really think about her all day, so whats my next step.

Keep doing what your doing as slowly you will be able to see, and think about other things besides her.

Many who come here, and start feeling better think they are over it, and they can start talking to the ex again, and be friends, and catch up etc, but reality is until you have completely regrouped, and rebuilt, and are truly happy with yourself, your not ready. If your still wondering what should you do next, chances are your not really ready to look back at all. Be honest with yourself and your feelings, and don't be fooled by false hope, and wishful thinking.

I just found out she is with someone else now