Ok so I have this problem. I just recently got engaged. We have been together since April and had some of the most amazing sex. But just recently the sex "has gone bad" now he can't stay up while having sex. It is really frusrating because I need to have good sex.

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Originally Posted by ArmyChick664

[F]Ok so I have this problem. I just recently got engaged. We have been together since April and had some of the most amazing sex. But just recently the sex "has gone bad" now he can't stay up while having sex. It is really frusrating because I need to have good sex.

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Why are you going to mary someone that can't give you what you need?:confused:

No, you need to have a good relationship. What has gone wrong here? In the relationshio that is?

I am going to marry him because I love him and the sex used to be great but now it's not and things will get better.

I just recently found out that he was still married. When we first got together it was just to have a fling and we ended up falling in love. When the relationship got serious he went and put in divorce papers. We got through that and everything was fine. But then just all of a sudden he could not stay up during sex.

Are there changes in lifestyle? Is he under more stress than usual? Has something about your relationship changed?

You don't NEED good sex--you need to be understanding about your partner's problem.

You frankly sound to me like you're too young to even be HAVING sex if your thoughts are that selfish.

First I'm about to turn 21. And it's not that I exactly need it I just really want good sex. Ok we are both under a lot of stress because we are going to Iraq in January. But we have been under this stress for a while now and that did not affect our sex life before. I tried to talk to him about it but he said everything was fine with him.

Leave it alone for a while then. Please yourself and back off for a bit.

You freaking about it isn't going to help in ANY way. Period. It becomes a self-fullfilling practice: You freak about it not being hard enough, he stresses about it, and voilà! It's not hard enough.

I'm not really complaining about it to him. I just wanted to make sure that everything was OK with him. It's also hard because we are both going to train for about a month in a few days. Also he is the one who suggested having sex.

Could he be cheating? That is how the two of you met in the first place, he was cheating on his wife with you.

This is a four month relationship, and he can't even get it up for you. That suggests to me that he likes the chase and conquering, but after that, he's not turned on.

There are lots of young guys; don't chose a guy who has problems. Move on. You will be over him in a month or two.


Best wishes in the future, girl, :)

You KNOW that you are going to marry him after four months? I'm going to be honest here, sex is not what a relationship is all about. And marrying someone JUST because you love them is stupid. There has to be so many more things in a relationship for it to last, commitment, caring, honesty, trust... I could really go on and on.

What if he was injured and could never have sex again, would you stay with him, if you can not answer that YES, you don't need to marry him.

He could be having a problem for many of a 1000 reasons.

No He is not cheating on me. And the thing with his wife is kind of differens. He married a stripper just to get BAH. Nobody in his family even knows that he was married. And trust me between me and the army he does not have room to cheat.

He used to get it up and stay up for hours. Maybe this is just stress about the wedding and Iraq.

I am not just marrying because I love him or because of the sex. I love him because we are compatible in every way. I care about him a lot and I trust him with my whole heart.

And yes I will stay with him. I just really want sex. But I do know that sex is not everything. I just want to know why he can't stay up. I kind of feel like it's my fault.

Tell me this...
Did he start losing it after you two were in the clear and your relationship was legit?
Maybe it was the exhilaration of being with another woman that kept him going. Now that that's gone, its not as exciting.
Not an expert, just made an observation.
Hope everything works out

Ok I am def not an expert. But in my experience it could be several things. It could be that he is cheating. I know this is not an option you think is a possibility... however, where there is a will there is a way. Four months is a short time to decide you want to spend the rest of your lives together. It could be stress, or fear even. Not saying he does not love you, but maybe he is realizing just how quick you guys are moving. It could also be a medical condition. I would say give it some time and see what happens, if it continues to be an issue, you both will need to talk it out and decide on a course of action. If it is not medical, if its all psychological, then that will be a tough obstacle to overcome, and you will have several doubts about yourself etc.

I understand how you feel about needing good sex. While I understand that a relationship cannot be based solely on sex, it is rather important. And anyone who says otherwise is lying to themselves. I have been in relationships, where we got along well, everything was perfect, but there was no excitement, no spark, no nothing when it came to sex. Those relationships turned into great friendships. But neither of us were willing to settle for less than everything. You need to truly evaluate your needs and the needs of your partner. If you cannot fulfill his needs, or if he cannot fulfill yours, chances are there is a better match out there for both of you. I know love can be powerful, but at the same time marrying someone and spending the rest of your lives together depends on so much more than just love, or good sex.

On that note, I would suggest taking a little more time before actually tying the knot... make sure its right for both of you before you take that leap. I got engaged very quickly, and before we got married, he ended up getting another girl pregnant. I was lucky I found out about it before we actually said the vows. Have a long engagement, enjoy each other before you have to deal with the additional stress that marriage can bring.

If the sex does not get better, and you feel you need to spice things up, I recommend going to your local "adults only" store and looking at some different options to spice things up in the bedroom. I have found many things in those stores that not only help me to please myself, but also adds spice and intrigue with my partners.

I hope this helps a little, and if I can offer more advice, don't be afraid to ask.

If you are that interested in your sex life getting better with your relationship try dressing up or something to spice it up. Tell him fantasies of your that will spice it up. If that don't work then it is stress that is stopping you two and if ou do want to marry him still get counseling.
Good luck