28 years old - female virgin. Friend said it's too late.
Hello,
I will try and keep this short but I'm seeking some straight forward advice about dating and males. I live in NJ and don't have very much experience with males. I am 28 years old, female, virgin. The one sexual encounter I had was at 16. This guy, "Dean" drove me, his friend "Mike", and my friend "Katrina" home from a football game. "Dean" asked if we could pull into a park for an hour and "talk." Katrina who was wild agreed and I went along with it even though I wanted to go home. My friend and Dean's friend jumped out of the car and I was left with dean. Katrina and Mike went and had sex on a park bench. Dean basically pressured me for oral sex. I did it and he was very mean during, insulting me and saying it wasn't good. Later on Katrina told me I was the only one who didn't know about the park detour before hand, she knew I wouldn't have gone. I didn't hang out with her again. But now I'm left with all these feelings and I think it has to do with that, but it happened so long ago. So it can't be affecting me now right? I have 2 college degrees and am not bad looking, but my lack of sexual and intimate experiences keeps me from approaching males. No one has ever ask me on a date my whole life - I still don't understand why. When I would go out to bars and clubs with gf's they would always get hit on and most of the guys would ignore me even if I made a verbal comment. I felt dumb, so I stopped going places with female friends. Now I don't have any friends that come around, just call once and awhile. I decided a few years ago that I would wait till marriage to have sex. I would love to get married, but not fond of the idea of having kids. I have trust issues with men and I think that the most stable relationship I can trust would be marriage (obviously those go awry too) but you get my point, hopefully. I asked my male friend, Evan to give it to me straight about guys, since he's one of the few that knows my sexual status and has many male friends. He told me straight up, that guys were not interested in a virgin my age. It is too much work and we get attached/clingy, and guys will date me but not long term because they know that there is no sexual rewards throughout the relationship. I said I would be willing to do oral sex but not unless it was LONG term (2-3 months) and Evan said it's not enough. He said marriage is certainly not an option in this day and age because guys like to test out the merchandise before buying; if I won't have sex there are girls that will, etc. He said I have too much competition in my age group and my best option is to start looking for men in their late 40's and 50s! I don't really want that. He said that my relationships will last about a month and then the guy will get bored, cheat, or dump me. All of these things seem to ring true - I have not found anyone yet. I know he was just helping, but I feel AWFUL and have cried for days, I am a good person and don't understand why things are so unfair. I feel extremely depressed. I want to start dating but I feel so embarrassed, how do I tell guys this about being a virgin? They start asking for sex early, like date 3. I don't even know HOW TO GET DATES. I believe "church type males" are not compatible because they tend to be stricter and more uptight about sexual views. I am a Christian but NOT closed minded about general issues like abortion, etc. Any advice or any of these things true? Thank you for reading this. :)