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-   -   Sunday Morning Humor #5 - Church Bulletin Bloopers! (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=254915)

  • Aug 31, 2008, 02:41 AM
    Clough
    Sunday Morning Humor #5 - Church Bulletin Bloopers!
    The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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    The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
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    Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the Recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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    The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a Conflict.
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    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say hell to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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    Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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    Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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    Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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    The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
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    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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    Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered
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    The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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    Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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    The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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    This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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    Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
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    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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    The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church Basement Friday at 7 PM The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"
  • Aug 31, 2008, 03:49 AM
    starbuck8
    Electric girdles! That sounds painful! LOL!

    Funny one C! Happy Labour Day Weekend to you! :D
  • Aug 31, 2008, 07:35 PM
    startover22
    Hahahahahahahahaha, I love this Clough, I love it!
  • Aug 31, 2008, 07:48 PM
    Stringer
    Very, very funny my friend...
  • Aug 31, 2008, 07:59 PM
    Fr_Chuck
    Just wonderful
  • Aug 31, 2008, 08:25 PM
    simoneaugie
    Thanks for a good laugh!
  • Aug 31, 2008, 09:54 PM
    frangipanis
    Too funny... thanks Clough.. lol
  • Sep 3, 2008, 08:19 AM
    Superfly999
    Woooooooooow, these had my laughing for quite a while :P
  • Sep 8, 2008, 08:25 AM
    twinkiedooter
    My sides hurt from laughing so hard. Priceless... Electric girdles and be prepared to sin!
  • Sep 14, 2008, 09:43 PM
    Clough
    Thanks, All!

    It's just amazing how creative some people can be with plays on words! :)

    I don't know how many of them are real or not. It would be likely though, that some of them are! In my 36+ years of service in church music ministry, there have been some bloopers in church bulletins that I really had to think about!

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