Ask Me Help Desk - I figured the issue and I don't know what's next.

Dear helper or therapy,

Me (22) and my girlfriend (19) been nearly 7 months together. We have gone through dating almost weekly while we both have jobs over the school and summer. It was all fine until then school started (college), she quit her job because she is going to have a lot of classes in her schedules and I kept on going on my job being part time instead of full time.

First week of school, I get to see her and we were just normal as it is and in about 3 days later after my 2 days of work while she is still full timer studying (I'm not, I'm part time working and part-time study) things got changed.

I'm her first boyfriend, she very sensitive and emotional and she is very nice. Generally sometime she told me like twice that she doesn't know about how really relationship works out. She always tend to learn from friend and listen from her friend. Which is a bad thing because her friend break up all the time and giving advices to her from her view... not good.

So here what happened on that day I see her again, she was not happy to see me. I meant she doesn't have and effect when she sees me just came into school. I ask why and later we had big discussion going. Later in the day she spoke to her friend which is bad idea at first. Unfair. Her friend actually mention breaking up and she went up to me told me that she has no feeling for me anymore. Then she left after asking her for a chance.

It looks like it has been started 2 weeks before school due she was working straight everyday before she quit her job.

I do love her and she loves me too saying it all the time to me past few months.

On that day in the night. I called her (I know I need to give her time) to explain what was really happening. All I can think of it's my part not being responsible in the relationship. I could not make decision for a date like ideas since she has weak immunity to weather temperature and foods. I did bring her to places and two times in a row she got sick at the end of the day. At first I did not know or believe it was the heat and I thought it was the overcrowded area too much noise for her. Also I did ask to go to some restaurant to eat out and she said no but I did not reply to ask why, bad communication. So I end up narrowing all my decision until I end up saying "I don't know" every time she asks. So it ends up forcing her to make decision for a date because I can't make up my own mind.

But lately, I figured out she actually love to go again but not on the hot temperature days. I was like "Oh... I thought you didn't like that place never go back there again".
She also mention me being lazy not willing to do anything and she said she is not attracted to guys who is lazy. Fact that I felt lazy because I was so stressed from my workplace for the past month before school started and when the time come to see her I didn't feel like to do anything but to unstressed.

Now I know my errors 1. Bad communication 2. Lazy.

I'm trying to recover this and to change my being, after phone talk she said she's fine now and she told me that she wants a long break not to talk to anyone but her family.
She is very sensitive at everything.

Now, I am curious for an answer because she said this to me at school, she has no more feeling to me. I was really depress after hearing that.

So far we talk on phone and email a bit, it's all different. There is no more love sign or like "xox" or "(kiss)" sounds on phone. More like bye and shut the phone.

Later she wrote an email back again, she wrote that I call because she know I'm worried and then she explain again she needs a break. One hour later she wrote again, that she said you can email me if you like to I can read it when I can.

I decided to write a letter by hand and give it to her on the school day.

I still haven't got any good answer that does she loves me anymore.
But what do you guys think? I need advices or suggestions. Or even something I can ask like was it compatibility problems? Bad communication?

Thank you!

P.S. I'm sorry for my bad writing!! I can't concentrated at the moment.

EDIT: Forgot to mention, she always have the idea of breaking up from friends' advices but she actually end up talking to her parent and her parent told her that she is just angry at me.

EDIT: She also mention see you on school day in her email.

Her taking her friends advice like that makes me think that she really in unpredictable and still immature. In both cases I would really think about this and see if this is someone that you want to be with, someone who in a matter of days from listening to her friends can just be convinced to change 180 degres. Think about that.
In my opinion I am glad that this happened now and not a few years later where it could have been much worst. Trust me you should avoid girls who are easily persuaded and as a result act very moody and are unpredictable. I know from experience, my ex ex girlfriend met someone on a trip once and got along with him during that trip. They kept in touch and she would be talking to him. She went and spoke to one of my closest friends (not smart) about him saying that he was so nice, fun, that they are from the same culture, etc... and that even though everything was good with me at the time, she is not sure about our futur and how it would be (she starts giving him weird excuses such as where would we live and how we would raise our kids... CRAZY).
Anyway my friend told her that she should not be thinking so seriously and so far ahead. That if she is happy with me, and still cares and loves, why would we she go for someone who might seem great but who she clearly did not know. Believe it that changed her mind completely again and she was with me for a little while after.
The point is these situations tell you a lot about her and what kind of personnality she has, if she a strong and confident women or the opposite. Use this for your benefit my friend and if it was me I would let it be and find someone else.
Sometimes it is hard to let go but it is for the best, we get use to that person and get comfortable and are afraid to take the first step. Now you are FREE

Thanks for reply still confuse about something.

She actually did spoke with me as I said big discussion but it seems like there is a big misunderstanding that time and she ends up looking for someone else to speak. She also said "Good, I wanted you to speak with someone too such as family or friend" I did but I trust more into my family than the friend I spoke too. I don't fully believe friends what they said because they don't know good enough but only general thoughts and general views about relationships. Everyone is different.

The whole story I wrote, I wrote too directly saying that she spoke to get friend than me, but actually end up speaking with friends due we have misunderstanding.

Well, since she gave a chance and see me soon on school day. I don't know what to do in the aftermath, still need answer from her. Also she seems to be stressed out as I know and unhappy. Like no hype when I talk with her.

Edited added more info.

Also we are in college.

I have the feeling that I can change this and explain what was really happen over the past 6 months just to tell her in person when I get to see her again.

Do you guy think it's a good try or idea?

"mzmzguy" you got a second chance to see her & explain everything.

BUT this leaves me rather confused as I can't see why you would
Want to continue to see a girl who always turns to that other girl,only to get bad
Advice :confused:

Not only that... she then brings this bad advice into your relationship!! :confused:

Quote:

Originally Posted by happy_jester

"mzmzguy" you got a second chance to see her & explain everything.

BUT this leaves me rather confused as I can't see why you would
want to continue to see a girl who always turns to that other girl,only to get bad
advice :confused:

Not only that......she then brings this bad advice into your relationship!!! :confused:

Yes and No, during the summer. She haven't talk to any friends much asking for advices. She only ask when me and her can't figure out problems due because we lack of time and space between her and me.

We did not have that, that's what I think.

Sorry that I didn't put in details how she with her friends. If now I answer this to myself, I know it because I am mostly with her weekly before college started.

Yes, I have a second chance.

But out of curiosity, there are chances in relationship? Am I making myself a game into this? I don't want to believe in that actually, more I want her to believe in the heart. More over as I said, I'm her first relationship and I need some good way to advices and to some sore of teach her what's all really about. Not to mind blend or overwriting her thoughts. No

Quote:

Originally Posted by HAPPY_JESTER

I can't see why you would want to continue to see a girl who always turns to that other girl,only to get bad advice :-(

Well, I DO understand why he would "want" to... he likes her and believes the problem is something in HIM that he can FIX and she'll go back to loving him as strong as ever.

Unfortunately, that's probably not the case.

MzMzGuy, if you want to work on your communication skills and not being lazy, do it. You will benefit from being better in both regards. But you have to let go of the idea you will be able to earn your girls love back.

You can earn a person's attention when they don't know you, when you're first meeting and getting to know each other. You two are WAY past that.

A lot is going on in her life, and it is romantic but unrealistic to think you are going to be together forever, especially since you are her first boyfriend. She is just NOW getting out into the world and starting to see what life is all about. This is the NORMAL time girls end high school relationships and date others.

It's all normal.

And her talking to her mates for advice... aren't you doing the same thing? No? You sure? Talking to us here on AMHD... that's the same thing... getting advice from others that may not serve her interests.

No, if you want to be fair, admit that everyone gets input from others. You just don't like the input, since it's encouraging her to date other people.

She's being nice, and emailing you and saying positive things because you are familiar to her, and she may not be mature enough yet to just DO what she wants... to break up. It's hard, and feels mean to just 'do it', to just break up, so she's stringing you along a bit, and making this simple reality into a hard one.

So, my advice is to get ready for the inevitable. You need to be OK whether she breaks up or not, you know? Your life needs to not be dependent on any one particular person until after you've been married 20 years.

You're going to be OK, and I don't see anything unnatural, mean, or abnormal going on here. It just sounds like the natural ending to a great relationship. You can let it end without hating each other over it, you really can. That would be a sign of YOUR maturity and grace.

For all the cause, I just wanted to know am I doing the right or wrong way?
She obviously don't know what to do or to act after all these matters with me.

- Should I teach or advices her about how it is like to be in a relationship?
- How can I explain that I'm not trying to make up things about relationship?
- Does having chances in relationship means like a game or it is something she wants me to change if not it's over?

One of the thing I did not note was this: at college we had a big discussion, she wanted me to speak in the public rather speaking outside or in a more private area like less people. I don't get it. Does she wants me to prove something?

Edit: sore of post this at the same time JB posted.

She called me and saying starting over because she want to scraps the past 6 months of relationship that I messed up. So I accept.

She is giving me a month to regain everything because she told me she did not get anything from me such as making decision for her and such.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mzmzguy

She is giving me a month to regain everything because she told me she did not get anything from me such as making decision for her and such.

NO surely,a healthy relationship is where BOTH people make the decisions,
And talk about it fully with each other.

... And in this relationship,NOT from your girlfriend's friend,who has proved,
In the past,to NOT give out good advice!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by mzmzguy
She is giving me a month to regain everything because she told me she did not get anything from me such as making decision for her and such.

Don't even play this game. You two are not that compatible, and very inexperienced, and working together to solve your issues is out of the question. Any female that gives me a month to get better for her, is out of here. How dare she make this all your fault, and how dare you go for it. Don't wait a month, end this now and disappear from her life and deal with the feelings of loss. That's better than letting her train you to be what she wants, and hasn't asked how you feel about it, has she?

This ain't enough sharing, and caring, and having fun getting to know each other, and working together. Sorry!

Her friend is an @$$hat....

Communicate = effective