Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend needs space! What do I do?she's moving out tday n I am all alone here

Hey, I just wanted to thank everyone in advance for any help I get with my situation.I ll tried to keep it short but yeah... I have no much friends and the everyone seems to be busy today...

My girlfriend (21 yrs) and Myself (22yrs) are together for 4 years now.We have been in a deeply committed relationship all these years and have been living together for the entire time.We see each other everyday and have never been apart more than 5 days. We had a very loving,caring,heatlhy relationship!

6 months back :
She joined uni and I started a full time job.In this period, We obviously were away pretty much the entire day and would see each other when we got home at night. I work from 7am to 2pm,9 days a fortnight and when I finish I would go straight home and wait for her. She on the other hand, has an irregular timetable in a day, one class would start in the morning for an hr ( 8am - 9am) and then again in the afternoon ( from 4pm - 6pm) 4 days a week and on her days off from uni she would be on call for work and work most of her spare time.We have 2 dogs and a cat and a pretty big house which she chose. I pay the rent she pays for groceries and other expenses. We bought one of the dogs and the cat together in dec last year. Then she could do the same for me when I continue on... This arrangement where I pay rent and she other things was a plan we came up with till she graduates and then she could do the same for me .Everything was working well, I would come home and wait for her, didn't really feel like going out with mates because of being tired but mostly because I wanted to spend time with her and since she started uni that was getting very hard with her work and uni ( the day she took off I would work and vice versa). We were totally open with each other, had one email account, knew each others passwords... pretty much everything.

Some time after that...

She started spending the day with her new uni friends,for what seemed like "all the time". So naturally we started having arguments where I used to try and ask her to make some time for us... and come home or meet me out "some time" in between classes... and then for the next day or two everything would be fine and then go back to normal. She Kept getting distant( or I felt she was because we never spent any time together) and I kept feeling neglected. Moreover, after spending the day from 7 am to 6 pm outside she would come home and sit most the time on Facebook. Eventually it got to the point where felt like every single thing was more important to her than me.

Some more time after that...

It kept going on for months, she would either be at uni or at work or on Facebook. Then, she started adding sport classes (thou an hr, once a week to the mix). With those same friends she spend her entire day with, and on top of that her friend talked her into doing some charity work ( 1 hr , once a week). So on these 2 days per week, she would come home at 6, rush to the kitchen,throw something into the oven and leave again and come back at 8- 9 pm. Then would come Facebook... then too tired to talk... bed. At this point I was feeling really neglected, and was feeling that she was changing because of no together time. She then started going out for birthday parties and uni parties all with these same bunch of people. I was getting so jealous, I am a very protective person, and get jealous very easily, it seemed that she could make time for all those things/ people but not for me.

3 weeks ago...
Couldn't take it, got agitated had a fight where I raised my voice. Next day things were normal, nothing changed. Simple kiss goodbye in the morning, kiss when come home at night... bed.

2 weeks ago...
Nothing different... still spending most of time with same small group of boys and girls...

1 Week ago...
Last sun... I went to work , kiss goodbye... had no idea what was coming when I got back home. Got home, tried to give her the silent treatment, she did the same. Then she said she was breaking up with me... and moving out... I was shattered , brokedown , cried... She said SHE NEEDED HER SPACE and WANTS TO FIND HERSELF... I told her I do anything go to councillor... stop being so protective... everything.

Next day...
Talked with her she was sure her wanted to breakup... and was moving out soon... she wouldn't change her mine.. no kisses , hugs nothing. Talked the entire day got her to say she ll stay for a month... slept on opposite sides of the same bed.

Tuesday...
Was our anniversary 3 yrs 11 months. Made her dinner brought her flowers before she got home. And left didn't wait to eat with her/ meet her. Got back later and had a good talk , she seemed to be more like herself. But no affection

Wednesday...

Made her another meal this time I ate with her and talked things out... she said she ll not break up but she still needs her space to find herself... and says she has changed from when we first met... I told her I can give her all the space she needs here at home... I d move into the other room... but no... she said she can't do it from here. Went to be sit no affection from her, slept on opp sides of bed.

Thrusday
Said she s not breaking up... but needs to move out for a while... moving to her aunty's... on sun... she made a list of things I need to do before she comes back... its reasonable stuff like quit smoking... drink less... eat regularly..

Friday
Left at 6 am got back at 5pm in order to show her I can give her space.Better some emotion, saw her crying but she won't express out to me. I think she might be trying to be strong. Got a tiny kiss when I tried ,hugs , still on opp sides of bed. She bought me groceries...

Yesturday
Spent whole day at home with her... not much talking she was busy on laptop and me on mine in the lounge sat opp to me on the recliner instead of couch... she made dinner and sat besides me for the 1st time in a week. Started packing asked me if I am going to help , I tried but I was a reck, saw her crying , pretends not too, gave her hug this time she hugged back . Went to sleep together, this time with snuggles...

Today

She got called into work... she said she moving in the eve... I am a total wreak... even thou she said we are not breaking up... I want her with me... I love her!

WHAT DO I DO? HOW DO I GET HER BACK Quick?

She still loves me... I still LOve her...
We also had made plans for the future, was going to buy a house together soon... get married tracel have kids... grow old and die together

It Hurts so much! I ve been cring non stop for days. Can't eat anything... can't do anything

I was going to propose to her next month! Ask her to marry me... Cause she always used to ask me when I would do that... it was supposed to be a surprise for our 4 yr anniversary but now she knows...

I d feel better if I had a plan or know when she ll be back. This is my 2nd long term relationship, first one wasn't so deep and meaningful we didn't even stay together..
Its her first long term relationship, we moved in together approx 3 months after we started going out. And have been in love ever since.

Thank You ALl For listening

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We had a very loving,caring,heatlhy relationship!

I don't doubt that you guys truly care for each other, but a healthy relationship?

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I have no much friends

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We see each other everyday

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we moved in together approx 3 months after we started going out.

You made the ultimate mistake, you revolved your life around this girl is that healthy? Your girlfriends lifestyle made you jealous is that healthy?

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It Hurts so much! I ve been cring non stop for days. Can't eat anything... can't do anything

I really do feel for you. The only thing you can do is give her that all important space. DO NOT CALL AT ALL. She is considering having a life without you in it, let her experience that! If she does love you she'll come to her senses, but what she doesn't need right now is any persuasion from you. Its going to hurt like hell, your going to blame yourself for driving her away, you'll resent her for walking out on you. It sure is going to be one hell of a ride emotionally and if you buckle her in next to you she'll run for the hills.

I have never had many friends... I prefer a couple of close friends and that's it... she too is the same. Its not that I have compleltly revolved around her for 4 yrs. We both go out separetly and come back home that's all I meant. And we moved in in 3 months because she had abusive parents and was moving out without a job and no money so yeah she moved in and have been together ever since. You really think the don't call thing will help? I mean because we are still going out! And what if she calls... texts?

Oh and she doesn't move out much too very much... and by jealous I meant to say that I just wanted her to show me a little effort... like she does when she makes time for other things... time that she doesn't have... thats all and I would be happy!

If she initiates contact don't ignore her, but don't make yourself so easily available to her keep the communication down to a minimum, don't get carried away, your hurting like hell right now so that's easy to do. Tell her she wanted space and your respecting her wishes. It's a really sensitive time for you guys and you can do more damage than good if your not careful.
Get busy and start looking after number one!

Oh and I forgot to mention that she signed a lease for our house which we rent for another year. She did that last night... why would she do that if she wasn't seeing a future? Also she is not taking all her stuff, just the needed clothes...

Yeah headshigh is right.maybe you shouldn't call her for now.just give her the space she needs and if her head clears and she wants you she will crawl right back into your arms.if it is meant to be it will.just be patient and don't be pushy on her.it may end up driving her further away from you which you don't want.

Was I wrong in asking for a little time from her?

Give her space, don't contact for a few days. Having spent 3 years together you probably know how to communicate? So do so in a few days face to face and have an honest conversation.

No you were not wrong in asking her for a little time,in fact it was the right thing to do:tell her how you feel and what you want.but if she didn't give you your wishes there is so much you can do.just give her time for now

You two are young right now and need to have some "growing up time" under your belt. Take it easy, she's young as well. She needs to get out into the world and live a little. If you two are meant to be she'll come back. I've always said that if you let a person go and they don't come back, the relationship was not meant to be.

The only thing you can do know is give her the space that she is asking for. If she still wants to be with you she will come back, but that is ultimately her decision. You guys are very young and it sounds as if you have had to grow up quite fast, possibly because of the circumstances. She possibly feels as if she is missing out on experiences by staying in this situation and that has become more evident to her because by hanging out with other people she is starting to compare things. The grass always looks greener on the other side and in your case, because you know where you stand and what you want, you have accepted it is not but in her case she wants the space and time to figure out what she wants. Don't get me wrong I am not saying what she is doing is right but it is not wrong either. I totally agree with twinkiedooter so see this as a test. If your relationship is strong and has been based on strong foundations it will endure. I know it is really rough on you and this is not going to be easy but you will deal with it. I am still going through it so I know how it feels. It feels like everything is being taken away. Don't beat yourself too hard because this would have happened anyway. If it hadn't been uni friends it would have happened later on. You did nothing wrong. Now you just need to be strong and give her the space. Don't contact her but don't push her to make a decision either. The hardest part will be not knowing where you stand but NC will help you with that. Good luck and there are a lot of people here that will give you great advice whenever you need it.

Part 1 of 2

Wow, there is a lot here and that’s the way I like it. No Name your going to get Chuffed. It’s not going to be an easy read or an easy fix, if it is fixable but it will be an education and I hope it’s one you take now at your young age and not learn 10 years later like I did after similar mistakes.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

My girlfriend (21 yrs) and Myself (22yrs) are together for 4 years now.We have been in a deeply commited relationship all these years

YOU have been in a deeply committed relationship. First of all you never speak for the woman. The relationship from your half has been deeply committed. Secondly, it’s obvious she is not deeply committed so let’s get real and not start lying for her. I know your emotional but the sooner you start to see the truth and quit making excuses for her the better it will be for YOU and right now you are the most important person here.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

and have been living together for the entire time.

Why have you been living together since you starting going out? Secondly why was she living with you at 17? This is problem number one, you are both in growth stages at this point in your life and living together has stunted both of your growth and now she is seeing the there is more to the world then you and she wants to experience it.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

We see each other everyday and have never been apart more than 5 days.

HUGE mistake. You have to give a woman space. If you are there all the time how will she ever miss you. There is an old phrase that says, “you can’t eat a steak every night.” The point is that no matter how good the steak is if you have it all the time it loses it’s appeal, and when you are around her all the time you lose your value to her. You have to have a life of your own and one that is away from her so that SHE is waiting for you.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

We had a a very loving,caring,heatlhy relationship!

You did not, and my first clue is that she is getting out of it. My second clue, and please believe me this is not an insult because I’ve made the same mistakes 100 times that your making once, but my second clue is you don’t know how to have a loving, caring, and healthy relationship. A loving, caring, and especially healthy relationship is where to people who live there own independent lives come together to form a relationship. What you two have appears to be a living arrangement with benefits. You come home and by your own admission do absolutely nothing but wait for her. You are essentially admitting to her through you own actions that you have nothing loving, caring, or healthy to offer her.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

6 months back :
she joined uni and i started a full time job.In this period, We obviously were away pretty much the entire day and would see each other wen we got home at night. I work from 7am to 2pm,9 days a fortnight and when i finish i would go straight home and wait for her.

LEARN THIS LESSON!! NEVER and I mean NEVER go and wait for a woman. Women read emotions 1000 times better then you and me combined, and when you do this it tells her you will be available at any time. If you are available at anytime what’s the point in her trying to even make time for you? You no longer become important. If you want to spend time with her then tell her that on Sunday at 2 pm you are taking her bowling (or whatever she likes doing). First that tells her you are making time for her, you are telling her when that time will be, and you are giving her something to look forward to. Contrast that to going home and waiting like a puppy for some attention and be honest with yourself, which one do you think would be more appealing to a woman?

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

She on the other hand, has an irregular timetable in a day, one class would start in the morning for an hr ( 8am - 9am) and then again in the afternoon ( from 4pm - 6pm) 4 days a week and on her days off from uni she would be on call for work and work most of her spare time.

This is why you as a man, make the decision for her as a woman when you will give up your valuable time for her. When you wait around and waste your valuable time for her, she doesn’t value you because you don’t value yourself.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

We have 2 dogs and a cat and a pretty big house which she chose. I pay the rent

? She chose the house and YOU pay the rent? What is loving, caring, or healthy about that?

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

she pays for groceries and other expenses.

Well, I’m not sure where your from but I live in Florida, USA and I will grant you the cost of living here is higher then most places but if I could get the deal where someone else pays for rent but I pay for food and electric that’s a no brainer. I’m taking that deal because that benefits me. I’d go so far as to say that it is a unloving, uncaring, and unhealthy financial deal.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

We bought one of the dogs and the cat together in dec last year. then she could do the same for me when i continue on...This arrangement where i pay rent and she other things was a plan we came up with till she graduates and then she could do the same for me .

Bull Sh*t. This was a plan SHE came up with and you said okay to it. She is the Casino and you the stooge at the table throwing your money away for one good hand. You are gambling your money on a future investment with no guarantee of a return and quite honestly she knows it. This benefits her and provides you with nothing.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

Everything was working well,

For her

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

i would come home and wait for her,

Letting her know you would always be available.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

didnt really feel like going out with mates because of being tired but mostly because i wanted to spend time with her

Again, this is a huge mistake. She gets to spend time with you on YOUR terms not hers. If she can’t make time for you then that should tell you something right there…….and ironically she can’t make time for you.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

and since she started uni that was getting very hard with her work and uni ( the day she took off i would work and vice versa).

Isn’t it interesting the days she took off were the days you were working. Hmmm.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

We were totally open with each other, had one email account, knew each others passwords....pretty much everything.

How do you know she doesn’t have another email account? Sharing each others passwords does not equate to “pretty much everything.”

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

She started spending the day with her new uni friends,for what seemed like "all the time".

Absolutely. You were available anytime, they all had lives to lead so there time was valuable, yours wasn’t. She wanted to spend time with valuable people. Your actions speak louder than words to women.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

So naturally we started having arguments where i used to try and ask her to make some time for us....

STOP!! Dude you the logical mind that God gave you for moment here. Think about how backwards that sounds. Now I know your emotional and I know you care but you started arguing with her about making time to spend with you……and then asked her to spend time with you. Why would any woman, already knowing that you are available at a moment’s notice none the less, want to give up her valuable free time to spend with someone who argues about spending free time with them, when they are going to expect more of the same during that free time if she makes it.
Compare what you are doing to what I suggested above. Telling her that you are taking her to go do something at such and such time. If she doesn’t make time for you then that becomes her problem, not one where you are arguing with her for time. She had complete control over you and the situation, and women like a man to be in control.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

and come home or meet me out "some time" in between classes...and then for the next day or two everything would be fine and then go back to normal. She Kept getting distant( or i felt she was because we never spent any time together)

She was getting distant and she was also doing something that you better learn about women. Women get out of the relationship long before they ever leave it. Women control their emotions and let themselves down, then leave the relationship. That is exactly what she was doing during this period. As I read this it’s clear as day, she can have a fight with you, stand her ground, be fine for a couple days and then start the process over. All the while you sit there and let it happen, essentially helping her break up with you. When you feel a woman backing off emotionally you NEVER follow her, you back off yourself. When she backs away you back away. ALWAYS!

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

and i kept feeling neglected.

Then you neglect her until she comes around.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

Moreover, after spending the day from 7 am to 6 pm outside she would come home and sit most the time on facebook. Eventually it got to the point where felt like every single thing was more important to her than me.

Because every single thing was more important to her than you. Women don’t speak in verbal language, they speak in actions. Women can tell you you’re the love of their life but if Brad Pitt walked into their life your gone. That’s why you’ve got to pay attention to what she does and not what she says.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

It kept going on for months, she would either be at uni or at work or on facebook. Then, she started adding sport classes (thou an hr, once a week to the mix). with those same friends she spend her entire day with, and on top of that her friend talked her into doing some charity work ( 1 hr , once a week). So on these 2 days per week, she would come home at 6, rush to the kitchen,throw something into the oven and leave again and come back at 8- 9 pm. then would come facebook.....then too tired to talk..... bed.

I know your emotional and I know you are playing defense and you are the good guy here trying to make this work. You are the guy women verbally say they want, committed, loving, caring, and healthy (<---Trust me I’m on your side bro) but at this point you should have flat out said to her this isn’t working and you want to talk about splitting up the assets in the house so you can move forward with your life because you have things to do and SHE is holding you back.

Why should you have done this? Well two reasons. First is it put you back in charge and not playing defense. Second, she wasn’t expecting it. She has come to believe that for 4 years you’ll be her puppy. That would have proven to her otherwise.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

At this point i was feeling really neglected, and was feeling that she was changing because of no together time.

She had all the together time she needed, she just didn’t want it. She was changing because she started to experience life and she was trying new things, and meeting new people. In all honesty although she’s a complete loser for the way she treated you, you can’t blame the girl for wanting to try and experience new things in her life.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

She then started going out for birthday parties and uni parties all with these same bunch of people. I was getting so jealous, i am a very protective person,

God you don’t know how much I love you right now. I’m the same guy but you have to understand and come to terms with jealousy. It’s an emotion that weak people have….. and I’m a jealous man myself but you can’t let women see that because they attribute that weakness.

Part 2 of 2

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

and get jealous very easily, it seemed that she could make time for all those things/ people but not for me.

It not only seemed that way, that is exactly what she was doing.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

Couldnt take it, got agitated had a fight where i raised my voice.

After what you've taken you were with in your right to raise your voice. That being said, you have to be careful, raising your voice to a woman can play right into her game. They know that if you do that you are not in your right frame of mind and that's when they can start controlling you.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

Last sun...... i went to work , kiss goodbye....had no idea what was coming when i got back home. Got home, tried to give her the silent treatment, she did the same. Then she said she was breaking up with me.........

I'm sorry but this relationship has been on the rocks for 6 months, when you come home you two give each other the silent treatment but you were surprised that she was breaking up with you? Come on bro, I hate the break up process but you have to accept this wasn't loving, caring or healthy.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

and moving out.....

Awesome! Your now getting the place to yourself and since you pay for it all it's about damn time you got rid of that freeloader.
Also, it helps you recover since she's not going to be there.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

i was shattered , brokedown , cried....

I am not saying not to do those things, but I am telling you NEVER to do those things in front of a girl. No matter what the feminists say women DETEST men that cry because they view it as weak.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

She said SHE NEEDED HER SPACE and WANTS TO FIND HERSELF.........

I agree, and I think she's telling you the truth.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

I told her i do anything go to councillor.....stop being so protective.....everything.

Or to put it another way you begged. Women think men that beg are weak and women don't like weak men. In reality you should have told her, “This is great, I haven't been comfortable with you living her for free but wanted to be charitable to a college student and I think you getting some real world experience would be great for you, and I've got some things I've wanted to pursue but out of respect to you I was trying to make this work but I really feel like this will help me move forward in my direction.”

Compare what I just said to what you did? She expected what you did, what I wrote would have turned her world around. She is in complete control of you, but you could have told her the truth about being a freeloader, said it was charitable (she love's charities), and told her that YOU wanted to go in a different direction.

Would that have brought her back to you, probably not, but it might have at least got her thinking that she may have been the problem or part of it and it would not have made you look weak..

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

Talked with her she was sure her wanted to breakup...

Why would she not be sure?

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

and was moving out soon...

Tell her that you are going to start charging her rent immediately.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

she wouldn't change her mine..no kisses , hugs nothing. Talked the entire day got her to say she ll stay for a month ....slept on opposite sides of the same bed.

Are you kidding me? You are giving her another month of free rent?

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

was our anniversary 3 yrs 11 months.

Who celebrates there 3 year 11 month anniversary?

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

Made her dinner brought her flowers before she got home. and left didnt wait to eat with her/ meet her. got back later and had a good talk , she seemed to be more like herself. but no affection

You are trying too hard. Women don't want gifts they want men. The dinner was a nice touch, but the flowers went to far.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

Made her another meal this time i ate with her and talked things out...she said she ll not break up but she still needs her space to find herself......

So she wasn't able to find an affordable place and wants the free rent and occasional sex.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

and says she has changed from when we first met......

She has. Everybody changes, especially at that age.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

I told her i can give her all the space she needs here at home...

You do now and how is that working for you?

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

said she s not breaking up...but needs to move out for a while .....moving to her aunty's....on sun.... she made a list of things i need to do before she comes back...its reasonable stuff like quit smoking ....drink less...eat regularily.......!

What was on her list that you made for her?

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

Left at 6 am got back at 5pm in order to show her i can give her space.Better some emotion, saw her crying but she wont express out to me. i think she might be trying to be strong.

I think she feels trapped.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

got a tiny kiss when i tried ,hugs , still on opp sides of bed. She bought me groceries .......

Nice…….since that's apparently her responsibility or did you agree to pay for those as well and I missed it?

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

WHAT DO I DO? HOW DO I GET HER BACK Quick?

There is no quick, and there is no guarantee. What you have to do is play the one card you have never played with her before and I won't lie it's the one that is going to suck for you the most. You have to let her go and NOT and I do mean NOT talk to her at all. You will be tempted to call, to email, to text, to go see her but you can't. You can't because the time you spend from her will help you clear you mind, and it will also do the one thing to her that you have never done. You won't be there for her and she's going to find out what it's like without you. She has depended on you for 4 years and expected you to be there for her. She thinks you are not strong enough to be without her. This is the only way to prove her wrong.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

She still loves me.... I still LOve her.......

YOU still love her, you can't speak for her.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

We also had made plans for the future,

That means nothing. You live your future, she's lucky to be a part of it.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

was going to buy a house together soon.....

She was going to let you get a mortgage that you would pay for, what a gal.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

get married tracel have kids.....grow old and die together

You were going to die together? That would require a plane or car crash I guess.

Wow. To think you were going to do all this and you two weren't even talking to each other.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

It Hurts so much! I ve been cring non stop for days. can't eat anything....cant do anything

Bro, it does hurt and I can only tell you that you are not alone there. I've been through it myself more then once and the hurt sucks. I promise you though, it does get better. Start excising and see some of the sticky's about getting over an ex.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

I was going to propose to her next month! ask her to marry me.... Cause she always used to ask me when i would do that....it was supposed to be a surprise for our 4 yr anniversary but now she knows.....

So with all the problems you guys had and when you realized things weren't looking good you thought you'd trick her into to staying by offering her a ring. Believe it or not I almost did that once myself, long story short when we finally did break up she got married 6 months later. I'm beyond thrilled it wasn't me. It wasn't the man she wanted, it was to be married like everyone else. It would have been divorce and it would be for you if you marry a woman you can't even talk to. This is a blessing and you don't even know it yet.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

I d feel better if i had a plan or know when she ll be back. This is my 2nd long term relationship, first one wasn't so deep and meaningful we didnt even stay together..

I'm sorry but your 22 and been together for 4 years. You had a long term prior?

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

its her first long term relationship, we moved in together approx 3 months after we started going out.

Bro, you took in a baby and raised her for the last 4 years. She is growing.

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Originally Posted by no_name_08

and have been in love ever since.

YOU have been in love, you can not speak for her.

For now let her go, that's what she wanted and be man enough to give it to her.

Listen to this guy, he was spot on with everything he just told you.

Gee whiz chuffster, you left nothing out.

No_Name, you have some very good insight into why this was doomed to fail. You have let this female live rent free in your house for years, but under no circumstances, let her live rent free in your head.

Box her stuff up, all of it, and make sure she takes it all, to stop her from thinking she can come back anytime she darn well pleases. Do not call, or contact her, and don't take hers calls. She wants space, give it to her, at her own expense, not yours!!

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said she s not breaking up...but needs to move out for a while .....

That is breaking up and don't you feel like she is insulting your intelligence here???

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she made a list of things i need to do before she comes back...its reasonable stuff like quit smoking ....drink less...eat regularily.......!

That is insulting your intelligence. All you wanted was more personal time, and what she gives you is she needs space..............oh, let me know when your done with my honey do list.

You want her back, after using you to get out of the house, and get her a better life???????????? Your some glutton for punishment. You have done quit enough for her, now do something for yourself.

Get her out, and throw yourself a freedom party. No you can't invite her.:rolleyes:

Hello I might be a bit late but I want you to hear me from a girl point of view... I do agree with most of the things you were told here. But I know that you don't have to change the way you act to a girl. She just isn't right for you then. Some girls actually do care if you cry and show emotions. I would much rather date a guy who tells me how he feels and begs me not to leave than some stuck up jerk who never tells me anything. To show her how much you care is sweet. But after the way she has reacted to all this you may just need to get over it. She obviously is into a different kind of man now. Yes women are very emotional people but we like to know that our men are really in love with us. You were with her for 4 years... I'm quite sure you don't cry in front of anybody else. That is a special thing. But as it stands she may have a point. Maybe moving out will be better. You will get to grow up a little. She will miss sleeping next to you. One day she will wake up and turn over forgetting you are not there and cuddle with a pillow. Don't worry if it is meant to happen it will. Just because men don't like to show feelings doesn't mean you shouldn't. Good luck though.

You should move on. She is doing this because her eyes have been open to the possibility of care-free relationships, that every twenty-something person wants... except you. I can guarantee that she has met someone that she is interested in and is moving out before entering into a, probably mostly sexual relationship, as she does not want to cheat on you.
Quite simply you have met too soon in life and you will probably not end as husband and wife.

When I was in University, I looked for girls like this, as they usually did not want a long term relationship. Just sex and lots of it, until something better or more interesting came along.