After 6 days of being away from my home, I am finally back to confront my fears. I cried a little, but I began to look around and remembered that this is what I built for me not us. I immediately left my home to run some errands. I bought these self-help books. I know, I know, it sounds ridiculous but I couldn't help it.

There is one that has tremendous recommendations and I am excited to report that I am taking a class and possibly volunteering in my spare time. I am on my way, I believe, to wanting to reflect on myself. On trying to understand what it is that is eating me alive about losing someone like him. I know that if there ever is any way of reconciling, it must be with a better ME. I need to understand that my insecurities helped this relationship go south. Don't worry, I am not blaming myself for the demise, but I definitely feel that my hand was in it.

As crazy as it sounds, I want to be ready for the present. I want to be able to live in my shoes and not feel regret. Two days ago, I couldn't even raise my head from the bed. Today, I want to jump up and down on it. I don't know if it is because of the peace that I have found from people's suggestions, my friends' and family's encouraging words, and the simple fact that I do not want to be in this funk.

Honestly, I firmly believe he will return. Pathetic, foolish, etc. You can call me whatever, but if I am hurting this bad, he must be feeling pretty low too. My good friend, once came into work with the firm belief that breaking up with his girlfriend was what he had to do to feel better about himself. He was looking forward to dating other women; he wanted to move on. For 3 months, he felt terrible. He dated; they weren't what he wanted. He wanted his ex-girlfriend back, and she took him back and they are now very happy. He couldn't believe how much she had done to herself to heal in such a short time.

I need to heal for myself, but if in the process it helps with getting back together, then more power to me.

What do you think??

I firmly believe that if two lovers were to ever reconcile successfully serious changes and personal improvement from both parties is needed, so I do agree with you to a point. But please bear in mind that false hope is dangerous to cling onto, it'll stop you from moving forwards and healing properly.

"Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along"

I know HH, but something ridiculous in me understands that it may take years and many other boyfriends (from my end) before he returns. I promise I won't miss good opportunities, but for now I am pretty happy being by myself in this healing process. I just wish this NC thing included he giving in. HA HA HA

My ex has this crazy notion that me and her should end up with each other as life partners when the time to settle down comes around. I see it like this, if someone doesn't want to ride their life out with you by their side but would rather put you on the back burner for future use they have some serious issues going on.

Im glad to hear that you have a positive attitude and at the end of the day no one knows what the future holds :)

Keep up with the NC and let the good times roll on!

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Originally Posted by Ettevy

After 6 days of being away from my home, I am finally back to confront my fears. I cried a little, but I began to look around and remembered that this is what I built for me not us. I immediately left my home to run some errands. I bought these self-help books. I know, I know, it sounds ridiculous but I couldn't help it.

There is one that has tremendous recommendations and I am excited to report that I am taking a class and possibly volunteering in my spare time. I am on my way, I believe, to wanting to reflect on myself. On trying to understand what it is that is eating me alive about losing someone like him. I know that if there ever is any way of reconciling, it must be with a better ME. I need to understand that my insecurities helped this relationship go south. Don't worry, I am not blaming myself for the demise, but I definitely feel that my hand was in it.

As crazy as it sounds, I want to be ready for the present. I want to be able to live in my shoes and not feel regret. Two days ago, I couldn't even raise my head from the bed. Today, I want to jump up and down on it. I don't know if it is because of the peace that I have found from people's suggestions, my friends' and family's encouraging words, and the simple fact that I do not want to be in this funk.

Honestly, I firmly believe he will return. Pathetic, foolish, etc. You can call me whatever, but if I am hurting this bad, he must be feeling pretty low too. My good friend, once came into work with the firm belief that breaking up with his girlfriend was what he had to do to feel better about himself. He was looking forward to dating other women; he wanted to move on. For 3 months, he felt terrible. He dated; they weren't what he wanted. He wanted his ex-girlfriend back, and she took him back and they are now very happy. He couldn't believe how much she had done to herself to heal in such a short time.

I need to heal for myself, but if in the process it helps with getting back together, then more power to me.

What do you think???

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Hi there.. I'm feeling like this too, my g/f wants us to try again, so do I.. so what's stopping me.. its because I live in channel islands.. her liverpool.. she has kids and can't move here.. I have my daughter and won't leave her to.. so after a year its over.. I am so down at the moment... I am due to see her in 2 weeks but don't no if I can face it... I am hurting.. seein her may add more hurt to me... good luck with yours and maybe we can help each other through all our probs.. good luck

You can imagine I have seen the phases that people go through in dealing with their personal heart breaks, and can say you will see things much differently, as you gain acceptance with this situation, and move beyond it, and can clearly see what you want and how to get it.

Trust me, when you have healed, and are ready for what life has for you, you will feel differently about the ex, smile, but you won't be looking back, you'll be looking forward, and be to busy to go back.

Remember that when the emotional storm come through, let it pass. It ALWAYS does. The sun always comes back out.

Hello HM,

Let me tell you that I have a friend that lives in Austria and her man in Hungary. Somehow, they make it work. You need to trust that if this is meant to be, then your obstacles will quickly dissolve. Don't fight love because of distance. Embrace the distance and work very slowly and cautiously. Good luck. I am on your side.

Ettvy,

I suggest you read the self help book, "the brain that changes itself." chaper 4, "Acquiring tastes and Loves" Love can be a very powerful emotion, but it is also very dangerous. It sounds as though you are heading in the right direction, but holding onto the past is an awfully heavey burden. Why not let it go, or at least give it the time you need to let it go, and then if your ex comes into your life and he is still what you want then pursue something. They say it takes a year for our bodies to fully realize the stress of our painful situations. I agree with that, but the question is do you?

I wish you the best, and I will give you any advice you ask of me. I know what it is like just as do millions of others how much it hurts to loose what you once felt so good with. It seems time is the best thing to heal the pain of loss. Once again good luck, and take care of yourself.

With all due respect, N, are you kidding me? I am letting go... slowly, but yes. It does not mean that I have to deny what I feel. Emotions are not meant to be ignored; they are meant to be felt. Behaviors based on these emotions are what we can mold. Simply because I continue to hope that one day he returns, does not mean I live in lala land. I know that he may never return, but simply because I love him doesn't mean I get to write him off from my life and from thinking thatthere was something positive in this relationship. Thank you though for your well wishes.

Easy there sister, I meant no offence, and I appolagise if I came off too strong headed. I simply wanted to offer a possibility. As I said, "It sounds as though you are heading in the right direction,"

I merely meant that emotions may not be one way or the other, love is niether good nore bad. How so you might ask... Well, some people say they love some one and will give them up let that person go live their life. (much the way you are.) Some people still very much in love, but so scarred to loose it, will do just about anything to get it back, even hurt themselves or those around them. See emotions can be very neutural, but to be healthy I believe you need to balance life out. No?

Some might say that the person who would do anything to get love back is not in love but lusting or what have you, but I'm not so convinced that is so. Feelings are very powerful, and inspire many things.

So, do not ignore your feelings, but let them go, let them stand for what they will. I do not mean ignore them, but rather try to let them flow through you, and be apart of you rather then control you. Or don't, who knows maybe I am just a crazy guy, saying nothing at all. Haha, then again, maybe not.

Once again, I'm not saying I'm right, nor am I saying I'm worng, but why not give it a try? Or if you feel it's not important, don't. Just take care and once again best wishes.